She walked in. Walked into a room of familiar unwanted faces. She didn’t want to be there, but there really wasn’t any choice. She looked around at the ruthless mean kids who made her cry her eyes out constantly throughout the vast number of years.1
She was an honor student who thrived for success and did her work very meticulously to a point where it was perfect. She got many distinguished awards congratulating the success of her impeccable work, but to her it was nothing for she had no friends to share it with. How could someone even talk to her without noticing the horrid feature on her non-ravishing body? It was because of this horrid feature that couldn’t get her a job or the volunteering position she most desperately dreamed of getting. She asked God so many times why he hadn’t put that horrendous thing on her arms or legs. It would have been a whole lot easier to her.2
Her most ultimate dream was to be a surgeon, but every time she mentioned it, they would hysterically laugh and ask if it’s a plastic surgeon! So she tried to avoid that very question. To others this would be a total humiliation but to her it was a mere reality. She thought that she best avoid these rude comments so she made no friends and joined no clubs. Heck, she wouldn’t even talk to the teacher or the lunch lady!3
She was right. These events were just reality taking its course. However, the final event drew closer as she approached the tender age of 18. Prom was coming closer. She didn’t bother getting an exquisite dress. Or the top-notch jewellery. Or even going to Graduation. Actually, no one even asked if she was going at all. Why would they? She was just an invisible person, but little did they know that she would be at the Prom. Just not as herself.4
It was time for Prom. Everyone was getting ready or yelling at the car driver to get faster to the hotel for a night never to forget. Soon, one by one, the people who never cared entered. And one by one, they got the frightening shock of their life. Whispers were echoing from the walls and the whitewashed ceilings. Screams got louder and louder. Soon the people that never cared suddenly cared.5
Policemen drove frantically to the crime spot. They walked in and saw her dead. She looked the same but more alive. It didn’t even look as if she was dead but she was. She couldn’t be more alive to notice the people’s scared faces. The scared face she always had because of them. But what was even scarier for the others was what was on the wall. Red blood scrawled the never forgetting words “Why didn’t you care?”6
Author notes
This is my first story that I have added. I guess I wrote it to show how bullying hurts, not that I have experienced it or anything.
A contest entry
- 30 Options by KitsuneTenshi.
180 points, ended December 5, 2006, 5 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
So, what do you think of my story?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Wow, you defiently did a good job acheiving your purpose. It was the like the beginning to all of the good children's epic fantasy books except in this one there was no savior, no secret destiny, just cold hard reality and lots of blood.
I really liked it. Everything went together nicely and I could connect with the main character very well.
You did a great job. (Especially by keeping her deformity nameless adds to the depths of things I suppose. Great touch!) -
awesome story. it makes me feel sorry for all the people who have to go through that...although i cant really beleive it, sorry. my school is amazing, sure not everyone is friends but at least no one makes fun of other people and really tend to be nice. hard to beileve of a pubilic school but true...^^ still a great story though, and it really makes me aware that there are people like this. the ending was a little confusing because i get that she died but you dont really describe where or when or how... other than that its a really good write
~Aurora -
comma after ruthless
"to a point where" should be changed to "until"
comma after nothing
should be changed to "laugh hysterically"
remove the fullstop after dress change it to a comma and remove the "or"
it's a good story and it proves your point well. More detailing about how she planned on pulling it off without giving away what she was going to do would be good though. the ending seems rushed because of that. -
WOW!
Wow, this is so sad!
This is a great story. It's so filled of emotion, and I never would've guessed that the girl dies in the end. You have a lot of talent!
keep writing!
Snowdragon
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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brilliant!!
omg that was so sad! I think i have tears in my eyes. I know how it feels to be alone. I've been there MANY times, and even attepted suicide over 5 times!
I would be honored if you read and commented on my stroy, "Wipe Away My Tears", my autobiography of the personal battle of depression that I had to go through twice in one year.
Thank you!
<3 Daydreamer
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Stranger
People, please give me your opinion!!!beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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