I sat there on that cold metal chair looking around at the stark white floors and the blinding white lights as my heart and head pounding while he carried on about how much he liked his new friend, Crystal.
I couldn't breathe and could barely speak, but I managed to mutter, "Alright you have to choose: her or me." He said he couldn't do that and offered to walk me back to my car. We were standing on the edge of the Wal-Mart parking lot as the icy cold went ripped past our tender skin. "Listen," he said as he put his hand on mine his long cold fingers invading my balled up fist, "I've decided that I'd rather have Crystal than you. I've come to realize that I haven't loved you in a long time." Tears began to sting my cheeks as my heart and eyes fell to the cold black asphalt. "One last kiss," I said through my tears. He leaned over wraps his strong arms around my cold trembling body and gave me one last deep kiss. "I love you," he said after our awkward moment was over. "Too," I whimpered as I turned my back to him. He reached over and hit my butt with his hand as he smiled and said, "Buck up, Cowgirl."1
Author notes
And that was the end of five of the worst years of my life.
A contest entry
- DARKWRITE: Dumpsville by MysticalMelindy.
275 points, ended July 31, 2006, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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mhmm
yeah so this is crystal....given that I know part of the situation i thought i'd tell you by reading thisi feel like i was there. great expressiveness. sorry i had to be the one to cause it.... -
There were some great details in this, it would have been nice to see just a little bit more emotion, maybe a little more of the feelings after the breakup happened. My condolences on your break up my dear.
beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Please read the updated contest rules.
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Well done
This is light hearted and happy, as for the tears burning the cheeks then to only get patted on the bumb with the title of the piece (the punt) I also find it cheeky and quirky nice and well done unsexypenguin.beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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He dumped me, but it was a mutual feeling. We both knew that after five years it wasn't fair for either of us to try and make it work any longer. There's no longer any competition he got married in June and I'm getting married on October. It's for the best though.
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So did you dump him or what? Well done quirky story and I wish you all the best in the competition, I kind of like this story.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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