I hurt and don't know why...
I guess i shouldn't be so shy1
My heart is bleeding my soul is crying
Your name ive tried scrying...2
So lost are you
But what can i do?3
Your lost without the flock
I guess i should really get over the shock4
Crying here forever more
I wish my heart weren't so sore...5
Ive been told to rid myself of you
But while my heart is so blue6
Theres really nothing i can do...7
And this i cry forever more
I love you mi amore...
8
Author notes
i wrote this after my boyfriend broke up with me and then told me that i wasn't as pretty as a girl named Rachel...
tell me what ya think...
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Emily Dickenson
You have a sadness that reflects some of what E. Dickenson writes. It does have a certain rawness to it that appeals strongly to me.
A story doesn't have to be overly long and contain loads of words to relay a thought, an emotion, so yes, I'll rate it.
You do good at this stuff called poetry!
beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Very good.
I read this outloud. This was..so beautiful. It truely captured the emotion put into this sorrowful poem. The poem was written by a true artist. I am sorry for your break up. You are a beautiful writer, and never forget that.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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wow
man i love it it was so emotional and i can relate so much i love it keep up the great work your really talented
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I feel the sadness in each word, and I can tell that it was thought out, it's wonderful.
beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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Please read the updated contest rules.
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Except for the no capitals on the I's it was good. I try not too critque poems because poems come from the heart and no one should rate someones heart.
Sorry to hear about that 'person' . Remember live for now not tomorrow and never for yesterday.
~Syren~ -
Oh me oh mi
The french adore la me amore, this is very simple piece maybe more melancholic than anything, the backgrounds cool and as for Rachel, well never under-estimate the charm or looks of Lestation.beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 2.
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good
That's how I feel after a heart break. I'm sorry about the man you loved, whom loved another. That's happened to me once. You don't think you can get up and walk away. But eventually, you do.
*Pinks*
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, characters: 5.
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Alryt.
At first I didn't really get it, but after reading the author note, I relate to it very much. It does hurt so much when you find out so many things you don't want to find out. It's very casually written but yet expressive. The casual writing also helps others relate own heartbreaks to this one.
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