It's been nearly a year to the day since he asked me. Well I wouldn't say asked persay, more like suggested, or hinted that I start calling him my fiance. He thought that would be a soultion to some of my problems. 1
Now I'm sitting in someone's quaters on this big ship waiting to walk onto the main deck to stand beside him. My dress may not be the one of my dreams but I couldn't ask for more. 2
A soft knock on the door to inform me that it's almost time... 3
My heart nearly leaps out of my chest as I cautiously step out of the room. Since I wasn't able to locate (more like get up the courage to call) my father, I'm going to walk by myself and no one will be saying they give me away. 4
I stand watching my friends daughter walk before me with my son by her side, such a cute young couple. I'm still suprised that they let me have him for this. (*kicks self* enough....walking down the aisle) I slowly start my walk behind the kids. Everyone present is in uniform....I have no family. Well except my son and my friend who has become like family. 5
I feel like a fairy-tale princess, I have my white gown, a small tiara, the necklace he bought me for Christmas last year, and there he is, the man of my dreams standing in his dress whites. I smile at him while fighting back my tears of joy. It took me 3 years to get to this point and I wouldn't change a single moment of it. 6
Author notes
part 1 of 3 wedding dreams
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Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Just from a technical standpoint finesse those parens (parentheses...lol) and that little dance with the asterisks! (*kicks self*)They are silly and don't belong in any kind of prose...other than in text messaging. It makes the writer sound idiotic and very juvenille.
As for the rest of this piece...it is not a story is it? Smacks more of some kind of diary submission or confession. It's also a little young-girlie-ish. "Dreamy-poo." Come on. Do you want to write adult fiction? Or just vent your personal feelings...for a diary? Also watch your spelling (QUARTERS...FIANCEE...FRIEND'S...)colloquial words like "persay"..(lose those) punctuation, ("WELL, except my son") and incomplete sentences ("Well, except my son.")
Careful! (If you wish this to be correct...and improved!)
GA -
"quarters"
you should give more description. this is a wedding even if it's not exactly her dream wedding, she's still happy to be sharing it with the man she loves right? you hint that it would solve problems. What problems? Did she get an engagement ring? this is sweet but it has a rushed feeling. I'd like to see more added to it
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So.... dose this mean theres a Date Set? or have you Gone off and Done it already.... The Closer i get to the wedding The more i think of Just Flying to Vegas To have it done....
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There's an underlining story here that I really would like to see. Good description of the wedding but what about the characters? Need more on them please. But this was a good start. Want to read more.
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 3.
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it's coming as soon as i get more done to A heart that cares. Lexie
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this was just a random idea that popped into my head while taking to pinky about my fiance.
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aww....
It's good. I can't wait to hear about your dream dress.
*Pinks*
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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