Living in a War Zone (Chapter Two)

What to do, what to do1

One of the first things you are told, if you are on a base that gets mortars is, get to a safe place but don’t run. I have heard two stories about Soldiers and Marines getting killed in bunkers. Bunkers are designed to keep us safe. But if it’s your time I truly believe it is your time. On the days I call “holy cow” days, mortars are coming from what seems to be every direction. One guy left his room walked or ran about twenty feet and jumped into a bunker. The next mortar to hit bounced right into the bunker with him. He was gone. The first mortar that day landed in a trailer and killed a soldier. Only one other person got hurt that day even though over twenty more mortars hit the camp.
On a different day four Soldiers were walking in Iraq when a mortar hit some two hundred yards away. One soldier took off running to a bunker and just as he jumped inside, the second mortar hit and he was gone. The other three Soldiers were fine; not a scratch. They were just standing there in the wide open space.
Why? You can ask that question, but no one really has an answer. I certainly don’t have an answer. I have seen the glass on doors be blown out just as a person walked through and the person wasn’t harmed at all. I saw a man shot at least six times, get the bullets removed and then go back to work. Some men and women are lucky and others are not. Maybe it was just their time.
Every man and women deals with this differently and I agree with them all. Do what makes you feel good. Go to the bunker; get on the floor of your tent or trailer. The question I always wondered about is for how long. You can’t stay there forever. Are the insurgents firing three or four mortars tonight? How long will they stop before they start again? Bomb, Bomb, Bomb go outside to check on everyone to see if anyone got hurt, then Boom another goes off. Mortars are a proverbial crap shoot, pure luck.
I know all of this but it doesn’t stop my stomach from knotting up. It doesn’t stop me from wishing I was somewhere else, anywhere else. But the night comes and goes and all is right in the world. You’re still alive, most if not all of your friends made it through the night. You thank god for delivering you from the evil you faced. At some camps this is the norm and Soldiers and Marines and civilians face mortars almost daily. Tension is high and believe it or not so is moral. I find the Soldiers and Marines on such bases are highly motivated. Moral and camaraderie is also extremely high. To make matters worse some bases have outgoing munitions large canon that sound a lot like incoming mortars. Sitting in your room late at night sleeping and then Boom, Boom, what are you to do? You have no idea where the booms are coming from, are they incoming or outgoing rockets or shells? Setting in the chow hall eating you lunch and boom, I guess that’s one way to diet. Watch and count the guys hitting the floor. I jumped and usually headed for the safety of the palace.2

3

Dreaming of You4

I'd love to lay you down to sleep
and hold you close all night
to feel your fever touch my heart
you make every thing feel right5

If tomorrow never came
Or if somehow I died
I really wouldn’t want
you to be by my side6

My days in hell
will end soon my love
It’s you I’ll be thinking of
When I pray to God above7

Because I so long to hold you
Be there when you wake
Tomorrow is just the start
Of so many nights we'll make8


What we long for9

The troops here always make light of what it really is like here in Iraq. So when asked, we always tell people all the good things that are happening around us. The last thing anyone wants to do is get their friends and loved ones worried about them. In many ways it’s not too bad here in Iraq. But there is a lot that’s not said. I have covered that in several of the writings in this book. And I hope you get a better understanding of what it might be like living here.
Soldiers and Marines want to be home with the ones they love. Since they can’t, they try to make the best of it. Some have TV, some have Internet, Some have video games and some have refrigerators. Not every one is so lucky. Some chow halls are good and some are terrible. Some troops live on Meals Ready to Eat (MRE’s). We buy movies and video games cheap and spend our spare time watching television.
We also spend a lot of time thinking about our love ones. Wondering what new things our kids are doing. What have we missed? We miss everything from our children’s first steps to our children’s senior prom or first day of college. We miss the moments in the live and wish we could be there if only for the moments.
Keep in mind that not every soldier’s story will be the same. Some troops work outside the fence. The fence is the closed compound of a camp. Inside the fence you have only mortars to worry about with few exceptions.
What we think about is our children our soul mate whether it be a spouse (Wife or Husband) or a Girl friend or Boy Friend. We long to hold them in out arms again and squeeze them so very tight. We miss the warmth of there body next to ours. We miss holding our children in our arms.
We miss home cooked meals, a stiff drink and a night out. This isn’t you fathers war. During passed wars Soldiers and Marines where able to drink. Soldiers and Marines meet, romanced and even married women of the countries they have conquered. Soldiers and Marines aren’t meeting many Arab women here, unless the women work on base. In pass wars sex was considered a release. It is strictly forbidden in this war. The other well known release was alcohol. No or very little Alcohol can be found here. Some bases have a small black market where you can get alcohol. By the most part alcohol and sex are non existent. Most civilian companies will fire any civilians that are caught with booze. There are no night clubs to go to unless you count the Moral Welfare and Recreation center, which sometimes has music theme nights. Every now and then the United Service Organization (USO) brings over entertainment. These are great shows and always well received. I personnel tip my hat to all that have come over with the USO and other similar organization.
What every Soldier and Marine wants is a night that is not to hot, where they can just set under the stars and enjoy the night. Some soldier’s get short R& R’s to Qatar or Kuwait where they can get some relaxing down time and a cold beer if they go to Qatar. But the hassle of getting in and out of the country makes it more a chore then a true relaxing getaway.
What we all look forward to is a few days back in the states. The Soldiers and Marines get 14 days for a one year tour. Those are the most precious days of a soldier’s life. I talk more about this later. But know that a soldier looks forward to going home to see his love ones. So please make time for them when they get home.
While the Soldiers and Marines or civilians are back in Iraq the Soldiers and Marines want care packages. We really don’t care what you put in them. We just want to know someone cares. Yes, we all have our favorite things we want in our care package but for the most part we don’t care. We also like getting e-mail from friends and family. We live for a phone call but timing is so hard. We are between eight hours and eleven hours ahead of the United States. So we sleep when you’re at work and work when you sleep. Fun, Fun, most Soldiers and Marines have to wait anywhere between ten minutes to two hours to make a phone call. But it is worth it to hear the voice of a loved one. 10


Craving11

Some seem to think we've got it made
Being over here
We have all the luxuries
That man has ever made12

We've got TV and internet
And the food’s not all that bad
But it's not those things
That a man really craves13

We crave our children and our wives
And the simple time with them
We crave a beer and home cooked meal
All the things we don't have here14

We crave a peaceful moonlite nite
Where mortars dare not fly
We crave a day of being home
With loved ones by our side15

We have the simple things we need
We thank you all for that
What we want are e-mails, phone calls
And care packages we can share

Knock on Wood16

There are certain phases that everyone hears on a daily basis. “Knock on wood” is part of our daily conversations. Any time someone says something positive it is followed by knock on wood. Every time we talk to anyone that’s not here with us, the first and the last thing people at home always say is please be safe. There are several versions of the same phrase.
The telephone call is our life’s blood. We all look forward to calling a loved one. My divorce, in part was due to lack of phone calls. I felt my wife didn’t want to spend time with me on the phone. Take the time, talk to those you love. It’s all we have. We are not having a big party here, we are doing a job…and yes, we do try to make it sound, not so bad. Sometimes the food is really good. Sometimes the jokes and joking are enough to put us in a good mood. But what really makes our lives here tolerable is you, the wonderful people back home.
We are all as safe as we possible can be here. Most Soldiers and Marines do not take unnecessary risks. We keep our heads down or up when duty requires. There are many Soldiers and Marines that are put in harms way but even they stay as safe as they possible can. We know you are worried about us, and that gives us comfort. It feels good to be loved.
We’ll be as safe as we possibly can. We will watch out for our buddies and friends. We will be ready when things go bad. No one wants to die. Every sergeant and officer here wants to bring all the Soldiers and Marines under their command home. That to me is what makes our army better then all the others. It’s ok to make close ties to fellow Soldiers and Marines. It is ok to be brothers in arms.
It’s good to know our love ones miss us. It feels great to hear how proud the people back home are of us. That is one thing we don’t get tried of hearing. It even makes us blush when we hear the phrase, “I’m so proud of you.”
I feel guilty a little about being on a safe base. Somehow, I feel like I cheated someone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not volunteering to go back to a place like Mosul. But I was lucky to get out of Mosul when I did. I’m safe now, ”Knock on Wood”

Knock on Wood17

I don’t hear mortars tonight
knock on wood
If it’s God’s will I’ll make it through the night
knock on wood
No fireworks this Fourth of July
knock on wood
It’s funny what you say before that phrase
knock on wood18

I’m really proud of what you’re doing
please be safe
I miss you more than you’ll ever know
please be safe
Honey are you alright, is there anything I can do?
please be safe
It’s a normal conversation
followed by please be safe19

Knock on wood
please be safe
Are all ways of saying
I hope that I’m OK

Stare20

I haven’t had the misfortune of seeing the body of someone I killed; I hope I never have to face, that face. But I talked to a soldier that told me about a day that he looked a man he had killed in the face. I would mention his name but he asked me not to. Imagine living with that in your mind for the rest of your life. I hope no other Soldiers and Marines will ever have to face this terror again. My heart goes out to all of those that have looked death in the face.
On a mission in Mosul one night a group of Soldiers and Marines where attached by a group of insurgents. Like good Soldiers and Marines they fired back and won the battle. This night the Americans were lucky no one died on our side. When the Soldiers and Marines went to clean up the dead insurgent’s one of the Soldier’s found an insurgent still alive. He called for the medic but the insurgent died in front of him. He saw the man grasp for his last breath.
He told me he had been pretty pumped up and excited when the battle started. He also said he was so excited and happy when the shooting stopped. He knew he had hit this one insurgent so he ran over to take his weapon away. He said the sight of the dying insurgent took the wind right out of his sail. His stomach sank and his heart started beating real fast. Reality is not always a good thing. He told me he still sees the insurgents face in his dreams.
There are a lot of Soldiers and Marines who will have to live with the things they did, in the name of their country. Soldiers and Marines that did what America asked of them. It is the fault of the American people as much as it is the fault of these Soldiers and Marines.
It is the fault of the newspaper reports for fueling the flames, by telling stories that make the soldier look bad. The reporters for telling stories that have not been verified. Anytime the news reports anything, that can make it look like America supports the insurgents or anything that makes our soldier look bad. I have no problems with the news helping to weed out a few bad apples. But the news doesn’t have a great track record when it comes to holding back bad stories about Soldiers and Marines.
It is the fault of the politicians that sent us here and those that give the insurgents more fuel to add to their hate. It doesn’t help that are leadership fight over the smallest of things. There are times that I believe some politicians are working for the insurgents. What happen to admonishing senior officers in private? The lives of Soldiers and Marines should not be used for political gain, period.
What happens here is the responsibility of every American. But it is not, the Soldiers and Marines fault. The Soldiers and Marines are doing what their country is asking them to do. The Soldiers and Marines are heroes. We as a country must welcome back the troops and tell them how important their contribution to America has been. Help them to fight there demons. Don’t let the Soldiers and Marines fighting in Iraq, face anything that resembles what happen in Vietnam. We as a country must help the Soldiers and Marines get over, waking up looking at those faces. 21

22

Stare23

The battle raged all around
But my mind it wondered
To another place in time
A day without this thunder24

I did my job I fought, I killed
I survived another day
I see the dead in my sleep
Their lifeless bodies stare25

Soldiers learn to move on
But it’s all an appearance
For their heart carries all the weight
Of everything they’ve done


Fifteen Minutes26

We only get fifteen minutes to talk to our loved ones each day. That’s not very much if you think about it. During that time, we say our niceties and then talk about the home life. We don’t tell our families or our friends what is really going on. For that we talk to each other - our fellow comrades that are here with us.
If something bad happens, senior leadership has the phones turned off until the next of kin is notified, all the while the news media is telling our family about this bad thing that just happened. The news media knows that family members know where there spouses and love ones are. Yet they still have to be the first to get the news out. The only one who cares about seeing live news about Iraq is the News Media. The Soldiers, Marines and families would be glad to wait until the family has been notified.
I was in Mosul when the chow hall got blown up. I was twenty miles away at the time. I lost a few friends that day. I remember watching the news just a few minutes after the bomb went off. At first everyone though a mortar had hit the chow hall. The news reported it right away; a camera man was on base. The news stories were even telling the people back home which units worked on the base and what state and city they where from. Remember the phones are all turned off. All these families back home are waiting to find out if there love one died.
To make matters worse the insurgents are watching the news which was live at this point. If it had been a mortar they would certainly know where to send the next mortar. They did try and hit the run way that day. They sent five mortars in that day that came within a few hundred feet of the Medical Evacuation landing pad, where the bodies of the dead and injured were being loaded.
Can’t we wait until all the facts are in to report the news? Can’t we wait until the families of the dead are notified? Can’t we stop from telling the insurgents, how good of a job they are doing? I’m not saying that the news shouldn’t be reported. I just believe we can wait a few hours. At least until the bodies of the dead or injured have been removed from the scene. Americans if you hear that a news agency reported a story while the bodies of Soldiers and Marines are still on the ground, please turn the news channel off and never watch them again. If they say things like we are waiting for the family to be notified to release the names. Stop watching that channel forever. They can wait until the families have been notified to release the news. I know this is harsh but it is the only thing that will work.
There is a lot that isn’t said by both parties on the telephone. I have found that the more open you can be without giving away classified information the better it is for both sides, your family at home and you. I knew when my wife wasn’t telling me something; remember there is a connection between men and women that are very close.
Tell each other your feelings, talk about every thing. It helps the soldiers get their mind off what is going on. The soldier should be able to ease their spouse and loved ones tensions. The more you say to each other, the better the communication between you will be. That communication is important to both of you. If you try and hide something the spouse will always think the worst. The silence during those fifteen minutes worries us. We both wonder what is not being said.
Tell us everything you can about the children. Children that are old enough should talk to their missing parent and tell them about what is going on in the child’s life. Remember know matter what kids your mom or dad love you unconditionally.
Things we do know: You are worried about us, our safety. You are worried about what would happen to you if something happened to your soldier. You’re worried about making ends meet. And we hope and pray you love us. We do love you and miss you so very much but we will talk about that later. 27


Fifteen Minutes28

It’s funny what can be said
In fifteen minutes time
I love you more then life itself
And honey are you alright29

How’s the bills, how’s the kids
And I wish that I was there
But you know it’s not what is said
It’s the silence that we dread30

You wonder what I’m not telling you
And what the truth really is
And I wonder what you’re not telling me
And is there any way that I can help31

But fifteen minutes is all we have
So we’ll just have to make do
Until the next time we meet here
And I can spend some time with you32


Machine Gun Fire33

This was a story told to me by a dear friend. He was getting ready for bed one night when he starts to hear the machine gun fire from the two towers that were by our trailers. Most of the time the guns are just warning shots but on this particle night it keep going and going. So he slides off the bed grabs his Kevlar and vest and his mattress and sleeps under his bed that night. The trailers in Mosul had sand bags about half way up the sides. I to remember a few nights at Camp Freedom Mosul Iraq that had me grabbing my Kevlar (helmet) and vest. Civilians are not allowed to carry weapons while serving in Iraq unless they have a specific need - for example: Security Guard. So those civilians that don’t carry weapon learn fast to trust in the Soldiers and Marines that protect them.
The smart civilians get with their pad (a small community of trailers or tents) leader and go over the pad security plan. Things like where to go, where to stay so you don’t get shot by one of the coalition (your own) troops. It’s good to let people know who you are and what you are doing in Iraq. The troops understand the position you are in and they are willing to help you any way they can.
The same goes for the troops: they have to be involved in camp security. They have to trust their fellow Soldiers and Marines. Almost every night a few gun shots are heard. You can’t go running to the bunker every time a few warning shoots are fired. I have been in Baghdad and the night sky was lite up with tracer rounds. The Mongolians Soldiers often fired warning shots at people coming near the base. I have seen flares fired many times. The flares are used to light up an area so Soldiers and Marines can see well. I was setting in a porta potty one night when a flare landed on top. Talk about getting the blank scared out of you.
Most nights are quite. We may hear a few gun shots but it is general quite. That’s the way I like it. We have to remember that things can change very fast. There are not a lot of attacks here anymore. Insurgents are not getting together and attack one base. There haven’t been many long term attacks of mortar fire.34


Trust35

Ratt a tat tat Ratt a tat tat
The guns start showing force
I slide off my bed
As my mattress hits the floor
Another night wondering
Who will win the night
As I grab my Kevlar and vest
I trust in the Soldiers
That protects me each night
For I know that they are the best36

37


Why is There War38

Why do we fight wars? This is a question that has to be answered. Why can’t we find a better way? I believe better minds will someday prevail and peace will come. But it will take a very powerful person or country with a very good heart to lead the way. Some feel that America is that country. That may be true but we still have a lot of growing up to do.
We have to step up and find a dialog that will change hearts and minds. We have to change what is going on in America itself. There is still prejudice alive in our great country and that has to stop. What America puts itself up to be, has to come to pass. The internal bickering has to stop. Men need to learn how to do their business behind closed doors.
We just prove over and over that we are all on different pages. We say one thing in private and then use it against each other later. These are the people that we vote into office. We as American the voters are responsible for the people in elected office. We need to stand up and start looking at what these elected officials are doing. Most Americans don’t care; and until they do, we will never be a great country.
I understand that some governments are dangerous to the rest of the world. The world needs to stop letting innocent people die. Women and children are innocent, and people who are not part of the government are innocent. I know America tries to minimize the danger to innocent people. I wonder why we can’t eliminate this danger. I don’t understand why we can’t just kill the leaders of countries. Kill the leader’s henchmen. Then call for election.
This sounds simple but it wouldn’t work. By doing this we would cause more problems. I hate to admit it but war may be the only way to resolve this type of problem. Had we killed Saddam and his henchmen then civil war would have kill more people then we did. Iraq would be out of control and the world would not be a safe place for anyone.39

War40

Please tell me why there’s war
Why innocents must pay
Please tell me why hearts
Can never save the day41

We hope, we dream for better days
But they never come
Our life is filled with coffins
And tears when they get home42

With all the minds out in the world
Can’t we find a better way?
Can’t we stop insanity
And find a way to save the day

Smell43

I do miss being home in Colorado and smelling the fresh air. Taking walks in the mountains. I even miss the smell of flowers. Oh how wonderful it would be to be able to take a big deep breath. To smell fresh air again.
The smell here is one of those things that you would have to be here to understand. The smell at times is god awful, I think the phrase is. The smell of the people that visit the base can make you gag. There are few flower beds and few trees, unless you live in the green belt near the rivers.
The smell is improving, but you can still smell the stench. From the sweet smell of a Porto Potty, to the smell of raw sewer flowing along the roadside, the smell is in the air. Garbage is thrown along side the road side and empty lots are now dump sites.
So air fresheners are always appreciated. Anything that helps us get rid of the smell. I even burn incense to mask the smell. Some of the smells will never leave us, but at least we have something to mask that smell.
After a while your senses adjust to everything. Thank God for that. An example is when I was in Afghanistan - they would set off land mines every night. The first few nights I jumped. But after a few more nights, I didn’t even wake up.
It’s funny what we can get use too. We get use to Soldiers and Marines dying and Iraqis dying. I sometimes wonder: is this a good thing? How much is enough. I’m not talking about us as American but us, the world. On one hand we want the killing of innocent people to stop and on the other hand we don’t want to commit Soldiers and Marines to stop the killing. So governments are damned if they do something and damned if you don’t do something. Some people think we can just ask leaders of countries to stop killing people they don’t like. Those that are smart enough to know that asking won’t work, still believe there is something other then force. I don’t know but I do know we as a world must stop the killing.44

Smell45

When I am home I can smell
Sweet pollen in the air
It takes me to a peaceful place
A place I’d love to share46

But here there is this odor
A stench that’s in the air
It’s carried in the wind and dust
And ends up everywhere47

It’s maybe garbage or sewage
Or death that’s in the air
But I sure as hell won’t miss it
When I’m far away from here48


Our Home sweet home49

I spent about six months in Afghanistan at Bagram Air Base. There we lived in plywood huts. For the most part, I would say that Bagram was much better than any place in Iraq.
Each hut had any where between 8 and 10 rooms that were all about eight feet by eight feet. This was just enough room for a bed, refrigerator and a TV. Most rooms had Armed Forces Television, which gave us sports, movies, Primetime TV and news. And most people bought a television at the Base Exchange. This was entertainment for all of us.
These bee huts or bee hives gave us a little bit of privacy and that was greatly appreciated. Earphones were used by most people and everyone did their own thing. The locals - people would build you shelves and doors to make things nice.
Bagram did have an active morale center and had various types of music each week. The moral center also had pool tables, ping pong tables and game tables for cards.
Before I left, Bagram got a pizza place and a Chinese restaurant. Burger King was about to open up. If the pay would have been the same, I may have stayed.
In Iraq living conditions are different for everyone. Some people still live in tents. They are open bay and about 20 people live in each tent. I have only lived in tents while I was transit. Some have beds but others have cots. Other people live in buildings. Buildings are set up as open bays. 20 to 40 people in each room. Others people are lucky enough to have trailers. Each trailer has one to two people.
Some bases in Iraq have very large Base Exchanges (BX) for shopping. Some bases have Food Courts. Some bases have large chow halls. But most bases are small and have no or a very small BX. The chow hall is small and the food is limited. Because of all of the different living conditions in Iraq everyone’s story is a little different.

Bee Hives50

The walls are made of plywood
But it’s still my space
My place away from home
On this war torn base51

We call these huts bee hives
Because of their strange shape
They give us all some privacy
With a well placed drape52

It might not be much
But it helps from being low
And when I want to be alone
It’s this place that I go

53