Come Alive- Chapter 1

Sakrovsh was still awake though his clock has long shown a time many hours past midnight. It was usual for Sakrovsh to be awake at this hour.1

"Makes me think better," he thought to himself.2

As soon as a thought came to his mind, he jot it down on his paper; useless or useful, time will decide.3

Dong. Dong. Dong. Dong.4

The grandfather clock in his living room reminded him of the time.5

He was unaffected as he continued to inccessantly jot down ideas on his black notebook. Time was meaningless to him. He had brought a grandfather clock into his home because it was the only item that his parents left him.6

*7

"Oh, only lunars can sing a song that you can't sing. There's something dead in the fridge..."8

His ringtone woke him up. He woke abruptly, shocked that he had fallen asleep. He checked his phone. It was Amanda again.9

"What's wrong with this woman?" he asked himself, not bothering to answer his phone.10

Then he realised. He was late for work. Again.11

"Crabs," he uttered as he saw the time on his wristwatch read 8.00 am.12

He picked up the phone.13

"Hello?"14

"Robbie, you are late for work. AGAIN. Why can't you be early? What do you do at night? Don't you have a sense of..." 15

Sakrovsh had heard enough of this woman nag. He laid the unended phone call to rest on a nearby table as he headed for the showers, like he always did. There was no point in listening to Amanda say the same things everyday. It was like listening to a broken record; everyday. Worst thing was, it played on its own.16

*17

Sakrovsh loved his morning showers. It washed away the fatique of his long nights. He usually took long ones while his phone rang continuously outside, playing the eerie song he had set for his ringtone over and over again.18

"... as if someone died in the fridge. But wait. Someone did... "19

He smiled when he heard the song. Many people had complained of his. Amanda for one, had regretted giving him a phone capable of playing Mp3 files for ringtones.20

"I hate you, Robbie. Why can't you be normal for a bit? You can go for Mozart or Beethoven if you like classics. This song; it's just... out of this world," Amanda had said on one occassion.21

"You don't know anything," was his usual reply to sentences like these.22

The sentences made by the other party following this reply of his were never entertained. In his head though, he had said so many things.23

"You don't know why I like this song because you don't know me. You don't know what I do at night."24

*25

It was 9.00am when Sakrovsh arrived at work.26

"Meaningless," he thought to himself as he made his way to his cubicle. He worked as an engineer and though he was always late, he never got fired. Firing him would have been a big loss to the company; he was a genius, after all. And Sakkem Lionells knew better than to interrupt with the life of a genius.27

Geniuses were suppose to be weird, weren't they? They had a lifestyle least understood by many. He had told Amanda many times not to bother Sakrovsh and to stop calling him Robbie but Amanda had insisted on making Sakrovsh change. Sakkem merely shook his head in disagreement. There was nothing he could do about her, anyway. She was his employee but somehow, he felt intimidated by the presence of Amanda Lee.28

Amanda had rejected Sakrovsh's resume a few years ago as, "Look boss, it's not formal enough. This Sakk.. whatever his name is. Look at that! I can't even pronounce his name. And it's not only that. Look at what he writes. Look!"29

Sakkem had taken a look at Sakrovsh's resume and sure enough, it wasn't your typical, "I want to be employed, so I'm gonna kiss up on you" resume by a fresh university graduate. He had seen so many of them, it eventually bored him. Sakrovsh's was something new.30

*31

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Comments


  • Mattisfaction
    September 6, 2006

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    A very numb piece.

    There isn't much in this piece. I can't get anything out of it. The writing style isn't very inspiring, I can't relate to anything that is happening and it is just too short.

    Try writing a bit of description. get the user to fall into the story. The best way to use that is write about the senses. What the character sees, hears, smells, touches. You need to get a bit more emotion out of them.

    Apart from that, the factor that brings it down is the fact that it is just too short. Not enough actually happens in those few paragraphs. I can't see a point in it.

    beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 1, ending: 1, dialog: 2, characters: 2.

    • Greenby
      September 6, 2006
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      Thanks!

      Thanks for the critique! I appreciate it alot.


  • July 15, 2006
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    oh its a very insripppppppppaaaaaationall storryy... hmmm anticipating for ur next chapter and the next next next next nyxt chapter...