HOME AGAIN1
Things have changed.
But not so much.2
after three years of hiding out
in New York, coming back home
feels...3
akward.4
I don't feel like I belong anymore.
Hell.
Spent an hour convicing myself
I wasn't born here.
Didn't work.5
If it wasn't for the
urgent messgae mom left on
my cell a week ago,
wouldn't be standing here right
now, at the bust stop
biting the skin off my lip.6
Yes. I'm nervous.7
Three years
seem like
ten
or
twenty.8
said no Good-Byes
when I left.
no note. no letter. no phone call.
until four months later.
mom was hysteric
angry
relieved
she cried
and
cried
refusing to hang up.9
she spent years trying
to hang onto me
when I wanted her to cut the leash
and set me free.10
part of me is still not sure why
I disappeared.
to find myself?
maybe.
to run my own life?
possibly.
to get away from the chaos?
could be it.11
I don't know.12
anyway, mom never
phoned as much as I assumed she would.13
every blue moon
every few months
call to say 'Hello'
or
if the holidays were near
she'd wish me well.14
never returned the favor.15
mostly16
because I feared that if
I picked up that phone
the voice on the other end
would not be mom...
it'd be my dad.
and he'd hang up on me the second
I opened my mouth.17
we haven't been on good terms for
years.
grudge sits between us.
one we're too stubborn to settle.18
angst is built upon this.19
dad and I.20
our grudge.21
I could turn around.22
lie to mom.
make an excuse.23
but then
that wouldn't work.
she'd find a way to make sure
I'd be here.
so
I'm
stuck
here.24
I stand on the curb
leaning over to watch for the bus
check watch
check schedule.
it's late.
great.
so much for being on time.
at least this stalls
time for me to think.25
last chance to change my mind
run back to NY26
flip a coin.27
heads- I stay.28
tails- I go.29
God is working against me.30
Heads.31
I stay.32
Author notes
yeah i apologize for this being slow. cause it really is-unless you really don't think so..but i think it is. it's a second draft so bleh..i still have enough time to rewrite. please let me know if my guy sounds like a guy lol 
this is my third story from a guys POV..and hell..male speech is complicated..
)
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
It was interesting how you used the linebreaks to control the read, to create a jerky feel to it as the eyes jumped from line to line. The ending was gold too. Short and sweet.
I'm glad I had a chance to read this. Cheers for the read and good luck writing!
Nocturne -
great
i loved the way most of your sentences were disjointed, it gave us insight on the persona's mind and how his thoughts were sort of incoherent or something to that effect. i liked it.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
I like the choppy sentences, the way this is set up. It's like reading someone's mind (yes, it does sound like a guy's). It almost feels like maybe this character is speaking to you (the reader) which is generally a good thing, right?
Well anyway, I liked it!beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
-
wow
I really liked this, it seemed very realistic and has good potential. Yes I could tell it was from a guy's point of view, it was a great write. Let me know when you write more!beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Me Likey!
Tia, this is really great! it sounds like a guy to me. lol. i love this though, it really makes me wonder...what happened between the guy and his dad? what the hell is going on? I NEED ANSWERS DAMN YOU! lol, keep writing girl, i love it!
s and 
s
~Kami
♠
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