Gutterflower- Part One: Ectasia


Gutterflower Part One: Ectasia

1

The rust from the nails sticking out of the sky was starting to bleed into the ceiling, as if some orange tumor was seeping through the veins of the roof. Or maybe it was seeping into me...I couldn't really tell. The ceiling was moving as hard and as fast as the girl below me was. 2

The only thing keeping my heart beating was the metronome of pawn shop amps and gutter-punk lyrics mashed into syllables of a screeching guitar. The colour of the streaks in the girl's hair burned my eyes and made me think of candy with artificial taste and flavouring. I wondered how much of the girl was artificial under her mask of dye and pasty makeup. It seemed like everyone was out to be a reproduction of a human being, instead of the cruel real thing. I didn't even have a name I could put to her. 3

She pulled my hips to her, and I grasped the dilapidated stall to keep standing. In the stall next to me I could see another two pairs of boots intertwined and shuffling with each other. The sound of the cadence of drums seeped under the door, like an invisible force beckoning the scum of suburbia to arms. A guy in the stall next to us moaned and grunted and I felt the girl below me bob up and down faster on me. I took a drag on my cigarette and pulled her head to me, grasping the candy glazed locks of hair. She made a muffled noise and put her hands under my boxers and onto my deadened skin. 4

Nothing would ever bring me back to that place as much as the beautiful reek of mary-jane and sins of alcohol would. The chains on my trousers swayed back and fourth to the force of her lips' thrusts over me, and they echoed in my head as my eyes glazed in sweet intoxicated bliss. 5

In my mind, I was tearing down the place; Dousing the floorboards and walls of the forsaken warehouse in gasoline and arsenic. I wanted the blaring, twisted metal guitar screams to subside in my head. I wanted them all to suffocate...wanted to see everyone I ever fucked and fought in my seventeen years to burn in sweet misery and be regurgitated into the air as a cotton candy cloud of smoke. And I wanted that smoke to choke me with jagged sweetness...to burn my throat and black my eyes with the disdain of heaven. I wanted my last immortal memory to be everything I knew smoldering like the crucified stars that I always wanted to be. 6

I closed my eyes and came. 7

Author notes

This is the start of a small novella that has been rolling around in my head for quite sometime. Its very, very different than anything I've ever written before. There will be new entries to the story every so often.

The basic story is about a seventeen year old boy who lives his life in poverty on the streets of suburbia. In a sort of fictional memoir/diary, he goes through his thoughts on life based on his experiances.

Rated R for profanity, sexual content, explicit content, violence, and suggestive themes.

Do you understand what's going on here?

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Comments

  • nike
    July 20, 2006

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    This was excellent. You do a great job of putting the reader intothe story with exceptional portrayals of all of the details. The language is consist with the happenings of the story. May fav part is the beginning of the last paragraph."In my mind, I was tearing down the place; Dousing the floorboards and walls of the forsaken warehouse in gasoline and arsenic." I liked the similarity of arsenic and arson. Don't know if this was on purpose or just a great coincidence.


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    July 19, 2006

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    Your descriptions were great and the use of language really flows. Everything was well said and I didn't trip over any sentences. I agree with Icadeus on the sentence "nothing would ever bring me back to that place as much as the beautiful reek..." well you know which one. I think that was my fav line.
    Good start.
    ~Syren~


  • July 13, 2006

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    Excellent symbolism.

    I liked alot of the symbolism, especially "Nothing would ever bring me back to that place as much as the beautiful reek of mary-jane and sins of alcohol would." and the enire last true paragraph, it gives perspective into his view of the world, undoubtedly warped from the ingestion of drugs and alcohol at the time. I cannot wait until the next installment. However, I do think that you need to do somthing with the double occurences of the word "ceiling" at the beginning, when reading it seems...repetitive. But, in a wider view, that is so small a nuance that it doesnt effect the subject matter at all.

    As Always, Goodbye, and Hello...

    Constantine Aukusti Xavier Bleys.


  • KaleidoscopicRage
    July 10, 2006

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    This is the type of story I like to read. Gritty, graphic, and honest. Your main character has a wonderful (not sure if that's the correct term lol) narrative voice and the first couple of sentences capture your attention and seduces. By the end, you really want to know more. Descriptions are...just awesome. They pull you in and your able to get a feel of the atmosphere as if your right there. Excellent. I really cannot wait to read more.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.