A Woman Scorned: The Child's Tale

The cold drops hit her skin as she walked away from small brick house. What a perfect night it had been. Her black shirt clung to her skin as the droplets soaked through it inch by inch. Her bare feet felt the puddles on the grass as she sauntered. These summer nights always felt so wonderful. The ring on her finger glinted faintly as the water hit it. In only a few months it would be joined by a second one. A small gold band that would signify not just plans but a lifetime commitment. Then she would finally give herself to him. On their wedding night she would finally show him physically what they had felt emotionally for the last 3 long years. He was anxious she was sure, as was she.1

She twirled beneath the dark clouds as the drops pounded ever lightly on her face and shoulders. Her smooth skin glistened beneath the faint yellow light of the lamps. She walked wondering what it would be like to be married so soon. She wondered what it would be like to walk down the isle, what the wedding night would be like, what having breakfast in their little kitchen would be like. All she could do was to think about it.2

Mother was wrong. Just because her father had been a jerk and had hurt her didn’t mean all men were like that. From a young age Rianna knew why here father was never around. She had visited his grave a few times, though her mother had clearly disapproved. Rianna had to admit it had been ingenious to take care of him the way mother had those 21 years ago. Unfortunately she had a made a mistake somewhere along the way and birthed a daughter. Now that daughter was not only in love, which she deemed as stupid, but was having a white wedding. Instead of being happy she always made her daughter carry that stupid vile.3

She reached her destination and stood in front of the white door. The yellow brick looked classy and inviting. She would live here soon. This would be hers and Jordans. For now he lived here alone but soon she would join him. 4

Extending her elegant hand she knocked on the wooden door and waited. The lights were on upstairs, so she knew her surprise visit wasn’t too late. After a moment’s notice when there was no response she knocked again. Now she heard steps down the stairs and someone unlatching the door. Patiently waiting she stood excited to bring her sweetie a surprise. 5

The door swung open and there stood a blonde girl wearing only a men’s shirt. Not just any men’s shirt, Jordan’s shirt. Rianna looked on in awe. Could her mother really had been right? 6

“Hello. Who are...” She stammered at the girl as Jordan jogged down the stairs. He looked happy until he lifted his eyes and there stood Rianna. His face suddenly changed to a solemn expression. He looked at her as she stopped talking and sighed.7

“Um, Jordan who is this?” The blonde woman spoke softly at the now very frightened young man. She looked at him expectantly, no pain or anguish in her eyes. Just an angry expression. After Jordan proved he would only stand silently in the doorway looking at Rianna the blonde understood.8

“Oh I see, so I’m just some floosie on the side to you?” She soft angrily picking her clothes up off the couch and putting on her pants. “Fine” she finished as she picked up her shirt and underwear. Walking out she placed her underwear in his hand glaring him in the eyes.9

“That’s the last time you’ll lay a hand on my draws.” She walked out and jogged to a car she had parked across the street only a few hours before.10

Rianna stood appalled staring at Jordan as the rain ran down her body. Her tears mixed with the cold drops creating a salty mess on her face. If she were the type of girl to need or wear make-up it would be in ruins. Instead she just looked miserable. She pushed past Jordan and walked in. She now had a death-grip on the bag that had been so lightly hanging from her hand only moments ago. She looked at Jordan again and then ran quickly upstairs, where the door to the bathroom slammed shut so suddenly that Jordan jumped as he closed the front door. 11

He walked in and sat on the couch feeling terrible. How could he hurt a sweet girl. Granted marrying her was never his intention, but neither was letting her know his intent in this way. 12

Rianna sat on the toilet and sobbed lightly. She had already washed her face with warm water several times and now sat with her hands in her hair thinking. Why would he do that? Had she waited too long? She had pushed him to the other woman! She reached in her bag and pulled out a lipstick that she never wore and the silk nightgown she had been hoping to tease him with and not wear until the wedding night. Now she stripped down and stood in front of the mirror naked. She slipped into the nightgown and put on the coral, matching lipstick. On top of the color on her lips she smeared a glossy finish that her mother had given her. Making sure to not lick her lips she opened the bathroom door, leaving her bag and clothes inside.13

She made her way downstairs feeling the warm air on her still slightly wet skin. Slowly she creaked down each step until she reached the floor. He was sitting on the couch, listening to music so intently that he never heard her. Music always calmed him down, now it was the only thing to keep him from going insane. She walked up to him, his head resting on the back of the couch with eyes closed, and sat softly beside him. His eyes flew open and he stared at her. 14

In the dim light the room glowed from the single lamp on the small table beside the couch. The expensively upholstered furniture looked royal, with the wooden finish. She sat wearing only a sexy, silky nighty. Her legs exposed and spread just enough to show his trained eye that she hadn’t kept her underwear on. Her well tanned skin glistened in front of him as he stared. Across from them the stereo still played a strong beat accompanied by a soft female voice. She took the music in and let the beat take her over. She ran her hand up his arm moving as close to the rhythm as she could. She sighed softly scared of what would happen next. 15

His shirtless form sat unmoving next to her as her hand reached his neck and she reached with her other hand to run to the same spot. Once that had been done she ran her hand down his strong chest and stomach. She slid her hands off his body and onto her own knees, leaning back on the couch. He took that as a hint to take control. 16

“I’m sorry.” he whispered as he leaned over her holding all his weight on his toned arms. He spoke sorry but his eyes were mischievous and lustful He looked into her eyes trying to show his sorrow. She tried to hold his gaze but soon found it incredibly difficult. She looked away and he sat back down next to her.17

“We don’t have to do this. In fact we shouldn’t.” He spoke firmly and looked at the steady stream of music flowing at him. He didn’t want this girl angry at him for the rest of her life. 18

“No, I want to, just slow” She looked at him as she got to her knees on the couch. She ran her hands down the familiar stomach but didn’t stop at the spot she was used to ending her journey. She let her hand slip beneath the waistband of his sweat pants. Landing on his soft pubic hair she let her hand slip further, exploring the unknown. Finally she felt his cock. The soft, smooth skin filled her hand with warmth as she wrapped her long fingers around the already hardened dick. He wanted her that was for sure. 19

She used her other hand to slip his pants off his body and toss them behind the couch. She ran her hand further down the shaft until she reached the head. She let her fingers gently slide all the way down and then back up the shaft along the underside. Wrapping her fingers around it again she bent down and licked the end of his cock, careful to not disturb her lipstick. He jumped at the sensation. She sat back up and removed her hand. He looked at her wondering what was wrong. Instead of speaking she got up and pushed him backwards. After a taking a few steps back she removed her nighty as she danced back toward him. Her naked body on display she straddled him. He was inches away from being inside her and she knew it was driving him crazy. Her perky breasts bounced in his face as she sat there giggling. 20

His hands ran up her naked form to her waist. Once there he hesitated but only momentarily. His experienced hands roamed to her breasts and softly, gently began caressing them. His touches became firmer and firmer in a pleasant way. She moaned as she arched her back. He took her nipple between his lips and teased it with his tongue then began sucking. She moaned again at the sensation. When the first nipple was fully erect he moved on to the other breast. 21

She ran her hands up his bare chest and her nails down his back. He pulled away from her perky breasts and sat back on the couch with her in his lap. He leaned in to plant a kiss on her lips but she pulled away.22

“Not yet, you’ll know when.” She whispered. He reclined back on the couch and ran his hands down her body to her legs letting his fingers slip over smooth skin, first on the outside of her thigh then on the inside. His fingers brushed her pubic hair, then slipping below it to the shaved skin below. Slowly parting the soft skin of her outer lips he began massaging her clit. He rubbed gently for a few minutes before sliding his finger down and slipping it in slowly. He slid it in and out of her now wet pussy slowly stretching it out. Soon he was able to add another finger, making her moan lightly, and then another. After a few moments he slipped his fingers out and looked her in the eyes.23

“Are you ready?” In response he received an eager nod. He pushed her up lightly by pressing on her thighs and positioned himself so she could lower herself. The little bit of blood on his fingers proved he had already torn her, and had managed to do it painlessly. He knew that hurting a girl was not the way to get his way. 24

She let herself down slowly until she reached the end of his shaft. Though it stretched her and was slightly uncomfortable at first it was nothing compared to her expectations. It didn’t make her feel any different either. She felt nothing special, no elation, or feelings of guilt. She rose slightly and then lowered herself again. She did this a few more times and finally when she felt ready began to ride him. She did this looking into his eyes until he sat up to kiss her. She stopped moving and leaned in. Their lips touched and she flicked her tongue to lick his lips. He repeated the gesture and she pulled away. No she had him. He licked his lips and looked at her. She got up and stood in front of him naked. She turned around and picked up a tissue from the box on the table. Wiping her lips she skipped to the kitchen where she rummaged the drawers until she found a sharp knife. 25

He tried to get up and see what she was doing, but found himself unable to move. She calmly sauntered back into the room and looked at him as she played with the sparkling blade. 26

“Oh don’t even try. That was poison on my lips. You shouldn’t be able to move for a few hours, and by then, well we’ll see won’t we?” She smirked at him. Her mother had prepared her well and she used all her energy to remember everything her mother had taught her. After all her faith in men no longer mattered, so now her knowledge of them and the things that can be done to them would.27

She straddled him again and began to ride him. Surprisingly he realized he still felt every bit of pleasure from the act. Every few minutes she stopped and ran the blade against his chest making another mark. After the pain and the stop and go it took nearly forty minutes for it to end. He spurted the white liquid into her and lay relieved, still unable to move. He looked at her shocked that she would do this. She marked one last mark on his chest and felt relieved that the cycle had repeated itself. 28

She looked into his eyes and leaned close. 29

“Do you love me?” The answer, the look in his eyes would determine his fate. She looked deeply at him, now no longer faking an evil grin. His eyes were sweet and soft, though he did not love her. She could tell he wished her no harm. Rather than follow in her mother’s footsteps she got up and ran the blade sharply into his still hard dick. The blood gushed covering her hands and his eyes grew wide in pain. She pulled the knife out now, allowing the blood to spill in a new gush all over him and the couch. Covering her hands in his blood she wrote on the wooden table 'Nobody will every believe you if you tell'. The scraggly letters gleamed as she turned to look at him. The writing on his chest was just as she had hoped. She leaned in and kissed him one more time before making her way upstairs. Remembering his chest as the blood ran away from the cuts which he would later see. 'I don’t need you!' She smiled.30


After showering and putting her clothes back on she made her way into the rainy night where her skin and clothes were once again soaked. Her head clearing from the past events she prepared herself for the conversation with her mother about the inevitable move, and the likely addition to their family.
31

Author notes

Ok so at the request of a reader I decided to create a sequal to the original Woman Scorned. I don't think this one is anything in comparison, but you tell me.

In a list

A contest entry

At a readers request, so please tell me what you think.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • This was f!@#$ked up in a major way lol. My worst nightmare realized. It was a thrilling and great read though. I really enjoyed it.

  • mcfreeman
    January 30

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    Very good

    You have got a very good idea here and (if you wanted) the framework for a murder mystery. It was a fun read, then I like twisted.


  • Kokaze
    October 21, 2006

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    Paragraph Three: What vile? This could be a lot clearer. This entire paragraph, even.

    Paragraph Six: Awe... you might want a differant word, because awe implies something good, majestic, powerful.

    Paragraphs seven and eight: Solemn implies quietness, calm, but the next paragraph says he is frightened. There's a bit of a clash there.

    Paragraph Twelve: Intent? Odd choice of wording. Especially since she was the one doing something weird.

    Paragraph Twenty-Seven: Woah... uhh... foreshadowing? Please? That was really, really sudden and unexpected. Was it just that his mind was broken by the pain, and she became someone completely different?

    By the way... in real life, he would have bled to death. Definitely. He wouldn't have told anyone anything.


  • trytothink
    August 30, 2006
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    4

    Verry good. Great detail. keep up the good work. i promis to read more! Lots of love to you!

  • queenmab
    July 28, 2006
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    amazing

    this was an excellent write very detailed


  • Tigerlilly91
    July 20, 2006

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    I didn't read the first one, but this didn't need it. I thought your thoughts were very well organized. Your only weak point would be your dialogue. A little cheesy, but an overall good story.

  • Mr Brown
    July 17, 2006

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    Good

    I read the first version of this novel, and so you could probably imagine what I was thinking was going to happen. You stunned me, not only when she laid him but also when she drove the knife through his … ugh … you made me quiver there. Good job.

  • Erotic Dreams
    July 15, 2006

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    his follows every rule, congrats, this is good, i dont usually go for horrotica but this is well written, congrats and thanks for entering

  • redbewitch
    July 14, 2006

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    Good

    Even without reading the first story this story could stand a lone and you did succeeded in keeping my interest to the end.  However, I do have a few suggestions.

    The water imagery seems redundant. You lost me a bit and some of the descriptions seemed a bit forced. Try simplifying it into clear images.

    I do like the description of the joining rings and a symbol of their lifetime commitment. Nicely done.

    In paragraph 11 try not to change Point of View in mid paragraph. It breaks the flow. If you do decide to switch POV, stick with one for at least a paragraph. If you want to elaborate about what he is feeling this would be a perfect time to do so while Riana is in the bathroom. It would be a good transition paragraph and account for time the main character was gone.

    The dialogue seemed a bit cliquish.

    You use "She" a lot try using some descriptive phrase like the young woman, her name or something to break the redundancy.

    I like the way she seemed so innocent in the beginning of the story then suddenly turn on him at the end. From shy frigid little virgin to a passionate woman out for revenge. I think it would be interesting if you mirror that during the sex. You almost did but not quite Just a suggestion.

    Overall it's pretty good and you managed keep my interest to the end.


  • July 13, 2006

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    Wow...just wow

    Wow...that's really all I can say about this story. It's absolutely amazing. Your scenery, dialogue, everything. Though I didn't really care for the erotica, it was awesome. The death of Jordan made me cringe. I hope you keep this up.

    - Tighe McCandless


  • Lady Pixie
    July 8, 2006

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    Awesome

    I loved reading this. Normally I'm not much into erotica, but you could so change my mind after reading your material! I think you are a brilliant writer with good things ahead of you. Can't wait to read more of your work.


  • Ezekiel Goldstein
    July 8, 2006

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    I do not pass judgement

    A little too wordy in the description for my personal taste. I would call some of it almost Tolkien-esque, but then again, thats just me. My wonderfully, if not slightly crazy, advanced comp teacher in high school gave me a wonderful bit of advice about being a writer. It was slightly nonsensical, and I don't really remember it, but I know the message of it. It was basically, avoid having only one style, variety makes a good writer. I haven't read alot of your stuff, but I honestly think you could use to expand your horizons a bit. Then again, you know me to be a dick, so disregard this if you so choose.

    I told you I don't like being a critic, yet you force me into this, if you don't like it...really all i'm doing now is taking up space and being a sarcastic fiend.


  • Bryan Luft
    July 6, 2006

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    Jeepers!

    I actually liked this one a bit more. The "sex scene" if you will, was more detailed, and longer, and the setting was what I loved a lot. This one line "In the dim light the room glowed from the single lamp on the small table beside the couch" set the picture in my head, and set the tone of horror.

    The conclusion was painful, at least what happened to the guy was . I really liked this story, she seemed not so much insane as the girl in the 1st story, which made it seem more realistic.

    Well Done!

1 - 13 of 13