"He looks so peaceful."1
"He looks like he lost some weight."2
"Quiet, it is bad to speak ill of the dead!"3
"But seriously it looks like he lost weight, the fall must of really taken it out of him."4
Laying on an open display with a plaque standing in front of it claiming the deceased, was a solitary flower, the only one brought to the dead, from his mother and sister. His own father did not even show up. Surprisingly the sound from the room was quite loud. When that many people who had met the deceased once or people that came for the food, who do not know one another, are put into one room and told to wait quite a chatter will come up.5
No one stood near the box in which Roberts dead body lay. Nor would people go up onto the area surrounding it except to make claim that they were here for him and not to hook up with some cutie sitting across from them.6
After a while a holy man of some sort, no one cared, came in and started to try and calm things down. Eventually the multitude of people were sitting facing the stand where the body sat, and the holy man took a processed wood podium out from a closet and brought it to the front where its front edge scraped along uncleaned floors. He announced that people would make their statements about the departed.7
After no one went up a somewhat drunk professor came up and tried to remember who he was supposed to make a speech about, and it ended fairly quickly. For the better part of fifteen minutes random people make short vague descriptions of a man who had many acquaintances, but no friends, and many skills, but no job. They gave it a general good twist and by the time the third speaker had gone the ‘audience' was getting restless.8
The doors to the room opened and in walked a young man, who the close relatives knew was the deceased's son. He ignored everyone and walked up to the podium sidestepping the old woman who was retreating down from the stand. When he got up there was a hush over the many people there.9
"For those of you who don't know me, I am that mans son by blood," and he turns and makes a gesture twords the coffin holding the mans body. "I'll bet those of you who do know me though, are surprised to see me here. As you know I have essentially disowned that man. And any of my relatives here know that I hold little value on blood ties. Yet I feel it is my responsibility to speak here today, and I also feel responsible to wish my father a farewell," He stops again and looks back on the body while keeping both hands on the podium, and says in a proud voice without anyone seeing his lips, "To Hell!"10
*-to be continued-*11
Author notes
Very personal, and quite similar to the speach I am going to read at my fathers funeral when he, per my request, kills himself in the near future.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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i liked the concept, there were a lot of grammatical mistakes and some spelling mistakes (spellcheck probably missed words that are real words, but in the wrong situation?.)
i think some of the punctuation is either unnecessary or lacking, and maybe you could try to smooth your sentence structure so it flows better.
this could be so amazing -
I like it. Your writing style is simple and straight forward. Its not bad though. You have real feeling behind each and every piece you do. making them very effective.
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i just read this again after awhile and it made me laugh 'cuz i know how evil your pappy is and this piece is delicious. nifty job dearie ^.^
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That was purdy interesting/
Really, that was unique. I was expecting more of... something else... but this... just caught my attention more. Really nice job I think. Keep Writin!
~*~ Katelynn ~*~
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ouch, that's harsh. to hell indeed. hahaha. that's a great line.
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Okay...not the best
Not to be rude, but I thought it was cruddy. I mean, the first couple of lines were okay, but you tell too much. Stop telling, and show us. SHOW what is happening, don't TELL. Keep writing. You'll get it eventually. -
You have a way with words, whether it is poetry, short story, or just talking to a friend. I like the story line and though I could probably predict what happens next, I'd love to see the rest of your story. Keep writing, babe.
<3 Anastasia -
My verdict?
wow...it was saddening to see how the ppl at the funeral made it some sort of party...as soon as i started reading the boy's speech i had suspicions that it was related to the relationship between you and your father...i don't know much about it, but from what you've told me so far, they seem pretty similar...great write...lol i was going to write a short story along the lines of this...except at the end there's a different twist..oh well, you'll see soon..lol..GREAT WRITE!! -
nifty job, this is such a good outlet for you, I WUB YOU
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that was interesting, in a good way.
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