Ch. 1 (Mutation Island)






Walking up to the cafe, Kai smiled. She had been here so many times when she was lonely. Now was just another one of those times. Her smile faded, and she walked in.
The cafe` was dimly lighted, but very colorful. Artwork hung on the plain white walls, mostly Picasso and Davinci, and it added the yuppy feeling that made Kai feel almost at home. She walked over to her usual spot, on a
large overstuffed couch in a secluded corner of the cafe, right beneath 'Starry Night', her favorite picture ever. She sat down, watching two men near her playing chess. She watched them for a moment, relaxing slightly. A waitress walked over, "What can I do for ya?"
"Chai latte." Kai replied softly. She gave the lady the correct change for the beverage before she walked away. She sighed again, and got out her laptop. Wi-Fi was useful nowadays, especially in places such as this.
She logged on, recieving her latte by the time the computer had gotten to her email address. All of her emails were spam. She deleted them all, and took a sip of her latte. Deciding to leave, for unknown reasons, she
asked the waitress to put her latte in a to-go cup. Thanking her, she turned off her laptop and walked out.
She wasn't yet old enough to drive, and had walked to the cafe. She sighed and walked back home. Neither of her parents were home. They weren't ever home.She dug her house key out of her jeans pocket and unlocked the door. She walked in and immediately, something seemed weird. She looked around, trying to figure out what it was. Nothing was different than usual, but something still seemed out of place.She looked around a little more carefully,sighing with discontent as she went to her room. Then she realized what it was. Everything in her room was gone. Her bed, television, dresser, all her things, gone! She gasped, "Who's here?" she hadn't been gone ten minutes and already everything was gone! Turning and walking out of her room, she looked around with frightened, suspicious eyes. "Who's here?" The door had been locked, she always checked. How had they even gotten in?
She sighed again, fear nearly overcoming her. Someone had to be here. They hadn't left, she would have heard them. They were here, in her apartment. She started to shake slightly, angry, scared, and in all other words, upset. "Whoever you are, I know you're here!" she stated, trying to sound brave and big, when in truth, she felt like a mouse in a lion's den; small, vulnerable, and weak. She saw someone run for the door and she ran behind them, "Stop!" she shouted, but soon ran out of breath. She hadn't even saw whether it was a man or woman! And to think, she thought she could run after them. Anyone would've known better than that. . . Anyone except her, Kai Kaden. She was infuriated at herself for leaving in the first place, thinking she had probably left the door unlocked when she had walked out. She climbed the three flights of stairs to her third floor apartment, and got her cell phone out of her pocket. She called the police and reported the incident. She knew they never took young teens seriously, and she, being only fourteen, was no exception. The police took note of the incident and said they would be there within the hour. Within the hour! Her apartment had been robbed, for God's sake!
The police arrived in forty-five minutes. She recollected her thoughts and told them everything that had been in the room. She alerted them that both of her parents were at work. The police took down both parents' work numbers, and then left again, leaving her terrified in her apartment, all alone. She hoped and prayed her parents would be home soon. She sat on the couch, observing the pasty white walls, decored with only a few pictures of vases of flowers. The entertainment center, made of a sturdy dark wood, stood by a particularly ugly picture of some horrendous and large orange flower. She looked at the computer desk not far from the entertainment center, propping her feet on the dark faux wood coffee table, made of the same wood as the entertainment center and again wonder why her room had been robbed. What kind of maniac took everything from a fourteen year old's room, and not taken anything else? She had checked her mother's jewelry box, her father's dresser, everything else was untouched, except her room.
Some psycho had robbed her house, and the police had left her at home, by herself. She couldn't even bring herself to move enough to turn on the television. Still shaking, she finally moved, her legs were cramping. Her CD's were gone, so she couldn't very well put on music for herself. Music was the only thing that ever calmed her. She felt herself start to cry, pulling her knees to her chest and burying her head in her own knees. No one had ever stolen anything from their apartment building. Not even from crazy old Ms. McGrebler.
Ms. McGrebler was a little old lady who lived downstairs. She hoarded everything. Kai's mom had jokingly called her 'Queen of the Dumpster Divers', once. She kept everything. She had these shoes, Kai didn't even want to know how old they were, but they were old, and she still wore them, torn and patched up. She had baby clothes, old socks that had been darned so many times they were hardly socks at all, and so many different colored sweaters, she could probably clothe the entire population of homeless in Cascade, New York, where they lived. She didn't have money problems, though. The late Mr. McGrebler had actually been very wealthy. He worked for some science company, and had a fortune, which Ms. McGrebler had inherited. Kai hadn't ever cared to ask where it was, or what it was called, but Mr. McGrebler had been put in jail, for life, and that had something to do with what he did for a living, and the science company. Ms. McGrebler had a lot more to steal then the Kaden's did. Why wouldn't someone rob her instead?
Now that she was thinking clearly again, she stood up. Her legs were slightly shaky, but she was alright, at least for now. She walked over to the kitchen, and opened the fridge. No one had been shopping in quite some time, and there was fuzz starting on the last apple in the drawer labeled Fruits. And in the Meats drawer was nothing but some old ham, which she didn't even think about eating because she had no idea how long it had been in there, sweltering in it's own disgusting, near-molding, juices. She again wondered why someone would rob them. They weren't extravagantly rich, nor were they hateful and racist, or popular. They had no enemies at all, and she hadn't really had a whole lot of things of value in her bedroom, except, perhaps, her television and radio, but those were things nearly everyone had nowadays, and there was a five disc CD changer in the living room, and a much bigger television. But neither had been touched, and probably had not been thought about. It seemed as though the whole robbery had occured with only the intention of clearing her room, and that had been successful.
Reclosing the fridge, she started towards her room to change her clothes. But, then, she realized how dumb it was. She walked around the empty room dozens of times, trying to figure out why, why would anyone do this, why would they only take her whole room, why would they leave everything else alone? As she walked around one last time, she found an article cut from a magazine laying on the ground. It was labeled 'A Cascade Scientist finds new way of cloning'. She realized it was about Mr.McGrebler. She read it, and found it so interesting, she read it again. Mr. McGrebler had found a new way of cloning humans, but cloning had been outlawed because it was unconstitutional. Although the laws were passed outlawing cloning, Mr. McGrebler cloned two humans, and neither of which had been located.Both clones were seven years old at the time the article was written. They didn't know what they responded to, nor did they have their pictures, or any identifying information about the clones, but, the clones had been the reason McGrebler had been put in prison. It had been seven whole years since that had happened.
Kai suddenly had a lot more respect for Ms. McGebler. Her husband had been a genius, and had gone to prison only because he had been doing his job, which was to help modern society. How cloning was helping society, Kai didn't know, but, Mr. McGrebler had probably been doing some great service. Most scientists were when they worked. Then it occured to Kai, that she had never seen this article before, and that she hadn't had anything of the sort in her room before the robbery. The criminals must have dropped it! She had just ruined a good piece of evidence! She sighed aggrivatedly and folded up the article, pocketing it. There was a knock at the door. Who would call upon the apartment dwellers when neither adult was home? Maybe it was the police again. She walked out of her room and tried to look through the peephole of the large white door. She was too short. "Who is it?"
"It's the police." said a demanding voice from the other side. She opened the door. . . it wasn't the police.1

Author notes

This story is about a man who runs an island to mutate people to 'better society'. It's FAR from finished, this is only the first chapter of it.

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Comments


  • Gypsy Guru
    July 6, 2006
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    Juicy Details

    I like the small details that you have included here like her pacing around her empty room, Ms. McGrabler's oddities, her annoyance and boredom, etc.

    However, I agree with IvoryRose that it needs more descriptions - she made the same comment on my story (Raising Amaranth) and she was right on the money there, too. You're moving the character through her world so fast, it's hard to take in all the disparate details you're dropping all over like bread crumbs. Take the time to dwell on the scenery, the sensations, her internal feelings - at one point she sighs when she's frightened; make sure her actions and her thoughts match (or give us a good reason why they don't).

    This sounds like a fun piece - run away with it - Heck, she might even be a clone herself!! -- Gypsy

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 4.


  • IvoryRose
    July 6, 2006

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    First off very well written, good thought process, you capture the 14 year old well. I have suspisions as to what will happen next but I can't tell for sure...good sign means it's suspenceful. The only advice that I would give, and surprisingly many people need it including myself, is to describe the surroundings more. The cafe the street the appartment. What do things look and sound like. If you make it more tactile I'd be able to picture this better. Overall a very nice write. Can't wait to read the next chapter.

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.