When I was little I used to pray every night that I'd find my dream guy, tall, dark, with a big smile to match his warm heart. Send chills down your spine sexy and I'd kiss my pillow to end the prayer before I close my eyes and sleep. 1
Damn, what the hell happened. I'm in love, so much it hurts. My heart aches, my lips yearn my lovers lips. Its something I never expected this girl. This other girl. I still can't believe it. I'm in love with another girl. 2
I'm scared of so many things, being sentenced to an eternity in the earth's fiery depths, but then again the thought of losing her makes me want to jump off a bridge and what if one day she realizes that I really don't even deserve her. I love her so much, everything I believed in I'm going against. 3
Every second she's not near, every second she's not calling me, or messaging me, I'm waiting to hear for her, thinking about her. Wanting her and it scares me to say fantasizing about her. Another lady's body, all her perfect curves her long wavy hair and perfect lips. It is the scariest thing I've ever felt, this love. But all I want is to hold her hand walking through the mall, and hug her tight in the dark. 4
I need her love so much, more then she needs mine, far more, though she thinks that untrue. I struggle every day with this man how can I trust any other man and in my struggle I need someone to hold on to when I'm crying. She is my rock, the foundation of my heart.5
I've never known a love like this. I've never known love. So will someone please tell me please should I feel this pain from my lover's kiss?6
Author notes
This was a free write about my relationship, but it got really good. It's about my very first love my girlfriend and I'm kind of in a dilemma cause I don't know what to do.
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Amazing
This is just brilliant. Amazing even. You make writing seem so easy. Carry on with the writing. Pure talent -
Every second she's not near, every second she's not calling me, or messaging me, I'm waiting to hear for her, thinking about her.
You scare me. I didn't know I had a twin. Great job!
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there are some puncutation problems if you're doing a thought sequence use italics or the ' ' marks to differintiate between a thought and spoken words. You make it easy for people to identify with the character but more description about the character would be good. You've got some sentence fragmentations as well.
Overall I enjoyed this keep up the good work
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Compelling
This is not something easy to write about I'm sure. But I bet posting this story was a little mitigating too. Sometimes when you write down all the words and feelings that are consuming your mind its almost as if you are "passing" them. Sort of like how you would pass the flu. The thoughts are no longer yours but trapped onto the paper or onto the screen. This a very touching story filled with raw emotion and its impossible to read this and feel nothing afterward. So that being told you have a talent for transfering raw emotion into words and even more importantly a complete story. Great job and I hope that you find the answers you are looking for. If it feels right then it MUST be right, right?
beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 3.
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WOW!
Impressive, your discription of love is something I can relate to whole-heartedly. My only advice on love, is always remember to love your self as well because that's the mastake I made. Then when it was over for me I was lost for so long. I wish you the best with your love, just remember she loves you for you and you should too. Okay, sorry about the soap box. A little cought up in the subject. Great stroy I don't really have any advice this piece feels form the heart and I respect that. I would hate to distroy it by giving bad advice, I would leave this peice alone and let it inspire other peices of work later in your relationship that's the best help I can give. GREAT JOB!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I think...
Aside of a few typos it's really good. You have some powerful emotions going on here and it shows that you really know this. Personally (and you don't have to take my advice) I'd take off the last line and make an actually story from this. Have a flashback to how you met her, realized you loved her, realized you wouldn't have that male love for the first time. But then again that's just me. Good luck with this. I like it a lot so far. Really nice intro.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 3, characters: 5.
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verdicts are silly
there are a few typos, and a little syntax type problems. good, the last line was catching.beginning: 2, language: 2, ending: 4.
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...i don't know love either
this was incedibly thought provoking. this had a lot of meaning. i love know love either...i see the free verse in it. i loved writing them...very realistic write. i found it in the beginning slightly humorus. i felt that is was an endearing write with a great message that comes across at the end! keep writing. you rock!
beginning: 4, language: 2, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 1, characters: 5.
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