Wolf of Winter

Wolf of Winter1

She snuffled the snow playfully as she made her way down the hill from the deep woods. Hunting season was over and it was safer to walk through the forest. Safer, but not safe enough. Poachers and bounty hunters would often go in to try to take trophies. Wolf knew she was taking a chance by making her way to this rendezvous, but nothing would keep her away. Wolf had age old powers, more ancient than the beginning of the world. She was spirit-born, ageless and beyond time. Her white coat was sacred. To see a white wolf was good luck, to touch one, a blessing.
Raising her snout to the wind, Wolf could smell the one she was meeting, and her old heart beat a little faster. A few more minutes and she would be in the brush behind the old library. With the thick coat of just-fallen snow, she did not worry about being seen. No one could see her unless she wanted them to anyway. One of the benefits of being spirit-born.
Wolf snuggled down under a piece of plywood and waited until she heard the sound of a car engine approaching. The car pulled into the vacant parking lot and Wolf heard the car door shut. Slinking low, she crawled on her belly into deep snow and sized up the woman who had gotten out of the old Chevy. Growling low in her throat, the wolf prepared herself to spring.
A lovely girl was driving the car. Long, raven hair that shone like silk and a slim, athletic body. She looked around herself and then went to lean against the hood of the car. All of a sudden, from her left, leaped a spectacular white wolf. The girl turned, eyes wide, and raised her hands. Wolf vaulted at the woman.
Wolf leapt into her daughter's arms, pushing them both to the snow covered ground. "Ma, you're being wolfish!" It was the playful way these greeted each other every time they met. It was similar to the way wolves who were in a pack would greet each other.
Wolf laughed and said, "Am I - I prefer it to being humanish. I've missed you, Marta."
"Me, too, you," the graceful woman said, hugging Wolf's neck and then leaping gracefully to her feet. "C'mon, let's go before we run into people.
Wolf wagged her tail until her hind end all moved. She began to run, caught herself, and in very human-like behavior sauntered to the back seat to be let in. She sat in the front passenger seat and willed herself unseen. Marta started the car and drove about a mile to a road that was packed snow. The Ranger ground up the snow and moved on to a bend in the road, then turned into the forest, where a cabin sat, blocked from view by massive trees.
Wolf nosed the air, closing her eyes so all her senses would be alert. She did not smell or sense danger, so Marta opened the door and they went into the tidy little cabin. It was a sturdy log structure with pine floors and a wood stove. It had belonged to Marta's great-grandmother, who had lived there when she was human. Wolf sighed deeply and plopped in front of the fire. The one thing she missed was thumbs. This way she had to rely on Marta to do everything, when she really wanted to help. It didn't take long for the fire to warm the room and fill the place with the scent of wood burning.
Marta made a pot of tea in the tiny kitchen, poured a generous helping into a beautiful ceramic bowl that she set in front of her mother. "There you go, Ma. One sugar and half a jug of cream."
Wolf laughed at her daughter's humor and lapped at the tea. She was waiting. She knew Marta had something to talk about, but she was wise enough to wait until her daughter what she had on her mind.
Marta laid down on the rug next to her mother and ran her fingers through her fur, feeling the strong muscles that lay beneath. They were quiet and enjoyed the feel of being together, both growing drowsy and lazy with the heat.
"Mummy," Marta said.
Wolf answered, "Yes, pup, what is it?"
"Can we stay here a while? I mean more than overnight?"
Wolf held her breath, "You know we can - we can stay as long as you like."
Wolf was wise in the ways of humans, having been one herself those many years ago, when plague destroyed the land in the 1400's. The Black Plague had wiped out over half the people alive on earth. Europe was devastated. Piles of bodies burned in an oily smoke that blackened the skin as well as the lungs. Carts going day and night. "Bring out your dead. Bring out your dead."
Wolf was Carla then. Young, pretty and playful. At sixteen she had beaus who courted her, liking her as much as they liked her family's wealth. But Carla did not care about such things. The stirrings of her beginnings never let her rest. Her grandmother had wanted a girl child and assumed human form to bring a daughter into the world. The daughter gave her the grandchild she longed for and they named her Elizabeth.
Elizabeth was evil from the moment of conception. A bad seed, who grew into a greedy, dishonest young woman. She spat at her mother and grandmother when they tried to tell her about her destiny and who she could become. She called them superstitious witches.
One day there came to the door a group of men who took them to gael and imprisoned them in the dungeons. Elizabeth was ecstatic. Now, she would inherit the estates and live a life of luxury. She hadn't listened to her family enough. She did not know that one sprit-born cannot do evil or they give up their humanity. They give up the protection of the ancient Runes of good.
Not even Elizabeth's mother and grandmother could stop the steps of fate. Both wondered if they wanted to, Elizabeth was an unlovely child and could not be loved. So the young girl danced in the streets celebrating her fortune when the Black Plague felled her. She moaned and writhed for hours, dying, black of face, neck swollen. When her spirit left her, she did not Become. She withered away to ashes from the burning pile.
The older woman were dispirited. Elizabeth had accused them of witchcraft and even the plague could not stop their trial and death sentence. A small crowd of brave peasants ate lunch out of pails and watched the women burn, disappointed there were no screams. Jaws dropped in awe when a great fire
leaped from the women and shot toward the sky. Mother and daughter were gone - back to their original spirit form.
When time was in its place again, Carla returned in human form and gave birth to Marta. She loved and adored her girl child. She preferred being Wolf., and asked the Great Spirit to allow her to return to animal form. Because she was a good and faithful follower, she was granted her desire. One day Carla/Wolf prayed, her daughter would forgo her human form and become wolf with her. Then they run the forests and live as humanity had been meant to live, but had fallen far short of doing.
Mother and daughter enjoyed the silence of their companionship. Wolf had learned how to quiet and listen to the small, still voice within. She knew when Marta was ready she would indicate, so Wolf dozed, deep in contentment. Marta lay with her head on Wolf's shoulders, breathing in the scent of things so ancient the mind could not ponder.
"Ma, can we talk about it?" Marta asked in a small voice.
So, the time had come. Wolf shook her head as she answered, "We will talk of it, child, whenever you are ready. But, beware, this is something that will change you, and you may not be ready yet."
"No, Ma, I'm ready. I've thought about it for a long time . . . there are things I haven't told you, and things I have wanted to know."
Wolf and Marta sat so they were facing each other. Marta loved her mother's beautiful black eyes, where she knew she could always find truth.
"Marta, you go ahead and I will answer you as fully and faithfully as I am able," Wolf said, loving this child very much.
It was hard for Marta to choose her words. "Ma, you know Danny, my last boyfriend?"
"Oh, yes, the biker babe. Never saw what interested you in that one." Wolf gagged at the thought of the crude animal putting his hands on Marta.
"Mommy, I didn't tell you - he hit me sometimes." Tremulous and tentative words almost whispered.
Wolf kept her eyes on Marta's, "Did you think I would not know? As I lay in the forest I could hear the screams and feel every blow. My howls went to the moon smeared with blood."
Marta hugged herself and her face grew strained. "Oh, Mommy, I'm sorry. I knew you could sense things, but I didn't know . . . "
Wolf did not move. Did not hug the child so deep in her shame and sorrow. She knew if Marta was to be strong she would have to face her past and come to her own terms with it. "Daughter, I have not shared the Being with you because I wanted you to have a chance to live just as any other woman your age lives."
Marta unloaded all the horror and secrets like a ship being off-loaded of its cargo. Nothing she said was new to Wolf, but the mother let her child put every ugliness into the light of day. Soon Marta was sobbing and threw herself into her mother's body. Wolf, licked her and soothed her as she had done when she was human. Deep rumbles, like purring, lulled Marta into quietude.
"Child, it's time," Wolf said and began the story.
"Long before wolf or human had been conceived, we were spirits, our family. We lived with the Creator and loved Him beyond all things. But we were, as it says, without form or void. The best way I can explain it is, we were an amorphous being with the Creator, each of us seedlings around the Creator's strong root. We were all cells of the same organism. I cannot tell you what we were, or what the Creator was and is. It's an unexplainable phenomenon - like explaining air. He was I AM, and were little I am's. He one day named us angels. We are spirit without form, that can Become human or animal or neither. What you must understand is that we are, eternal. No matter what else we become, we are still spirit and spirit does not die."
Marta spoke, "You told me that once, but I didn't understand. When you became Wolf my world was upside down. I knew in my humanness that what you did was impossible. But I loved you so much I was just glad to have you here in any form"
Wolf snuggled closer to Marta. "You must understand who and what you are, or your life will be a string of men who don't deserve you."
"I thought I wanted that, Mommy. For a long time I thought you were very . . . peculiar in your choices," Marta answered.
Wolf drew in a deep breath and looked her daughter in the eyes. "But having a child causes you to reconsider?"
Marta blanched and lowered her eyes. "Yes, I carry a child within me. And I'm worried, not to mention the strange dreams I have been having. Ma, I need to know. . . for us," Marta said, cupping her flat belly as if the fetus was a lump somewhere there, something she could feel with flesh as well as with a mother's heart.
Marta listened as her mother began to speak again. "Man has been born of angels. Creator took the cosmic dust and blew His breath into it. But not all people have the goodness in them. There came a time when Lucifer rose up. He was beautiful, the most beautiful angel in all the heavens. He challenged the Creator for dominion of the new world He was bringing into being. Oh, the fights were horrendous. Lucifer would have made an excellent Mafia Don.
When the world was well started the Creator threw down Lucifer and his cohorts, out of heaven for eternity. You see, the world is a place of opposites. Great good, heinous evil, warm and cold - light and dark. Lucifer was evil. He wanted to rule, he still wants to rule. Some men are bred from the loins of the dark angels. These have no sense of right or wrong. Whatever they want is what they fight for. Some of mankind is from the loins of good angels. At the beginning there were dynasties of angels, pure angels who would be spirit always.
"Oh, you mean reincarnation?" Marta asked.
"No, child. Pure spirit. Cells in the body of the Creator. Given their choice of how they would live. They decided if they would be good or evil. We are all one, Marta."
"You've said that all my life, now I want to know what you mean."
"The flesh we put upon ourselves so that we may walk on the earth is nothing. A costume, a dress. Real, but not real. Who we are is in our spirit. Your child will be born in spirit, if you overcome the part of him that was his father."
"Is that 'to Become?" Marta asked.
"It is part of it. Just as a plant needs nourishment and water, so does spirit need kindness and caring. If left untended, spirit will disintegrate into cosmic dust. Never to be totally gone, for matter can neither be made or destroyed. They are cosmic dust motes, so separated that there is no more core. To Become is to understand spirit and to choose it for your life. So simple, just acceptance."
"Ma, it can't be that simple. Other people don't go from body to body."
"Marta, they could if they knew. A human being is just another form of the Creator, with indwelling love and partnership. But to truly Become, one must awaken to the possibilities and choose them for their own." You are the one who will shape your child and yourself in the years to come. What path he takes will come from the directions you have led him. The same with yourself. Your past failings are just that - past. Let the indwelling of the spirit have nourishment, Marta, and you will live with goodness."
Marta had tears in her eyes. "I'm not worthy - some of the things I've done ... you just don't know, Ma."
"What I do know is that anyone can start anew. Can invite the indwelling spirit to fill them with new life and right life. You can have that for your child, Marta.
And so Marta Became and the child within her was born in innocence. He would romp with his mother when she was human, and he would lope with Lobo and Wolf as he grew. One day he would be told the story and make his choice. Marta remembered Elizabeth and was determined that little Jordon be raised with strictness and with love.2

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