Ellen thought I should see a doctor, so I saw my doctor.1
Ellen seemed scared, I’m talking flat-out terrified, this last time.2
I remember her scream waking me; she was on the floor, looking up at me with eyes gone as large and white as… well, I won’t bore you with cliché. But Ellen’s eyes were pretty damn large and white.3
So my doctor recommended a colleague who studies sleeping disorders. Or parasomnias, if you want to be a dick and get technical about it.4
Not that I’m a clueless amateur when it comes to parasomnias.5
As a matter of fact, I used to suffer from chronic snoring, which then graduated to full-blown sleep apnea due to my apathetic stance on weight gain. I would go for at least a minute without breathing, usually some two to three hundred times a night, while carbon dioxide built up in my bloodstream like some crazy, silent-but-deadly poison. The effects were subtle and thoroughly effective: I had just gone a cigarette away from becoming another stroke statistic.6
So I’d quit smoking, started eating right, started exercising. My nighttime breathing had grown considerably quieter, and Ellen considerably more attentive. I was also less irritable during the day, having had a restful sleep.7
Yes, things were good. Slumber was my friend.8
Until about a week ago.9
I was explaining all this to Dr. Bell, this colleague of my doctor’s, who headed the sleep clinic-slash-research-center at a local university. Even though most of the rap I was giving him was in my medical file, I still felt compelled to lay it on him personally. He, like most doctors, had the patience and tact to let me continue. Plus, I was getting to the part that wasn’t in the file.10
One morning, about a week ago, Ellen eyed me very warily as she stirred creamer into her coffee. I’m not the most observant of people, but even I could notice something was wrong. So I asked her.11
Ellen said that I was weird the night before, in bed. Worried that all my previous efforts had been in vain, I immediately asked if I’d been snoring. I’d had trouble recollecting my dreams the night before, although I'd felt strangely spent and exhausted.12
She shook her head; it was nothing like that. I was tossing and turning, but very violently. She’d had to get out of the bed for fear of being punched out or something.13
There is a parasomniac disorder called body rocking, usually manifested in children, but that can still occur in adults. There is another, called REM sleep disorder, in which the body’s natural mechanism to keep still even though the mind dreams of activity collapses, which usually occurs in the elderly. I seemed a candidate of neither, as I exhibited what seemed parts of each, and yet parts altogether different from both.14
Dr. Bell nodded, and consulted his schedule. I could be fit in that very night. I’d have to sleep in one of his labs, where I’d be videotaped and my brain activity recorded.15
I guess I slept well, although, in the morning, I had that same feeling of restlessness and exhaustion.16
The following morning, I woke up to a half-ring of perplexed doctors and nurses. I could hear Ellen gently sobbing behind the phalanx of white lab coats.17
Dr. Bell told me that I needed to see something.18
It’s queer watching yourself sleep on green-tinted night vision video, sort of like a peek into things you never really think about but, when you do, it consumes your wonder. And then, after all the musing, you’re just watching someone sleep.19
Nearly two hours into the video, slightly later than the standard healthy young adult, I’d entered REM sleep, and things got weird.20
It had started in my extremities: head, arms, legs. They were shaking, slowly at first, then peaking to the point where the bed was moving. Watching the footage, I could imagine my teeth clicking together with a force to rival that of white sharks. My torso had leapt off the bed occasionally.21
Dr. Bell pointed to a corner of the monitor. “Here, look here, Matt.”22
While I was hopping frenetically on the bed, a flash at where his finger was, a vaguely humanoid form, appeared and disappeared. It had been facing the sleeping, shaking me. I reflexively jumped back from the screen, nearly knocking a scientist behind me out. A few seconds later, it flashed again, a little closer to the green-tinted image of me.23
I took in its features: it looked female, although its head seemed slightly overlarge for its body. Its hair was in nappy disarray. Its dress looked like a tattered bridal gown, ancient beyond its utility. She was barefooted.24
She flashed ever closer to me, slinking with a deliberate slowness that suggested something of the predator. Then she stopped and seemed to notice for the first time that eyes were upon her.25
She suddenly faced the camera, and she was horrifying. Her eyes were little more than big blank bulbs in sunken eyeholes, her face covered with scars that looked like vertical wrinkles, her mouth a frighteningly agape orifice lined with needle-thin teeth. One more flash of her studying the video unit, then she popped back in, within inches of the camera. Everyone jumped back at that, as if this was occurring at the moment. She shrieked once inhumanly and angrily before disappearing for good.26
Dr. Bell took a deep breath, stopping the tape. “You slept normally after that.”27
Ellen rushed to me, wrapping her arms around me. I just kept looking at the frozen image of me sleeping, shaking my head.28
“Naturally, we’ve never encountered such a phenomenon before, so we only have theories at this point. We’ve been up all night studying this footage, and the only thing we can come up with is that she’s… a succubus.”29
That was Dr. Bell’s response when I asked him what the fuck that was. I followed that question with another: "What now?"30
“Well, we’d like to observe you again tonight; we’ve already sent a copy of the tape to our school’s parapsychology department, and I think they would like to see the phenomenon first hand.”31
I’d always thought those departments were just some Hollywood fiction. I probably muttered, “Oh great,” or some such nonsense, but I don’t remember.32
It’s considerably harder to sleep tonight, what with all the new gadgetry strewn about the sleep lab, a.k.a. my sleeping quarters. My awareness of the specter’s presence, naturally, has done little to help the situation.33
Ellen filled me in on certain details, how the fiend apparently had been visiting me every night, as her sleep had been interrupted every single night for the last week by my activity.34
I have no idea what the parapsychologists plan to do other than to watch. No one was an expert on these events. No one had a fucking clue would be closer to the truth.35
I close my eyes, but the apprehension is killing me. Why me? What does she want? What is it about me that attracted her in the first place?36
This is going to be such a long night.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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I would say that the manner in which you have crafted this story to culture anticipation is excellent for the art of this type of writing. It is well that you should leave off on the bridge of the unknown, with only a taste of the strange. The character's description of himself in the beginning served, also, to ground the story and make it more realistic, involving.
Mike -
this is a great write! it sounds somewhat like that nightmares i've been having lately only i'm pretty sure it's nothing paranormal and just my imagination. lol. wonderful write!!
~Arachne
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anyways, I thought this was a great suspense horror story, I was't thinking some kind of ghost was haunting his sleep at all. I really enjoyed it! Great jobs!
Hugs Nicci
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Just what I need when I already have a case of insomnia. Anyway, this was very interesting. I hope you finish/add on to it. I can't really give you any tips on this, I think if you were to change it, it could only get worse. Good job.
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Woah..... me likes, glued-to-screen syndrome!! is there going to be another chapter?? i can't wait if there is . Daemon
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this is nice, it was long, but i still enjoyed reading it, i hope to read more of ur work, and maybe you'll read some of mine as well
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this is a great work
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At first when I started reading this I was like ohh I have heard of that and it sucks but felt like I was reading some kind of documentry lol. but as the story progressed it got down right creepy. EEKK how the hell could someone ever sleep again after that. geesh! awsome write hun.
love and hugs
~Lena~ -
Disturbing, Brilliant.
I had to read this again because you got me hooked the first time. You totally pulled me into this story and it was the most creepy feeling I've had since I was about 10, when I met the girl in the old house. I almost shit myself!
Disturbing, but very well written!
I do like the fact that you left it open at the end, but you gave me the shiver shocks.
SO..does this mean that I can't/shouldn't watch you sleep anymore? Is there gonna be a ...'succubus' coming to visit us?
I still can't get over the feeling I have when I imagine the look on Ellen's face after he awoke. I sank in my chair and my face flushed white with goosebumps and my feet went numb. And then.. you had to describe the creature! Thank you once again, for that disturbing memory! It makes me wonder how he is feeling..if he will ever sleep again..if Ellen will stick around..What next.. Yes there could be more, but I am content with the ending. The openness leaves me wondering about what comes next and I think it is a wonderful way to end the story. You have such a creative way of writing, and this is a brilliant story.
Thank you for sharing with me.
Love ya, Ish
Edited on Jan 26, 10:41 because ''. -
Wow...great write ~daddy~. You have a good way of story telling.. I like to write stories too.. But yeah..dayum Gio...it was awesome.. I'd make a better comment..but eh.. depression sucks. Anyway.. I love the detail you put into it, the information and everything..Great write overall. Keep it up. I love you ~daddy~.
Ciao.
~Sandra -
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CREEPY...
but i like it.
FLame
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Wow, that's really good, may not impress some horror fans for their idea of horror is bloodspill and mass murders, but I found that very good. When I first read the title, I was thinking about a man that murdered someone and couldn't sleep, or something like Stephen King's book insomnia, even though the title wasn't Insomnia or whatever. After I read the story, I got the title
So anyways, I thought this was a great suspense horror story, I was't thinking some kind of ghost was haunting his sleep at all. Are you going to make another story? Hope you are, because this lieaves ya hanging
Well great job again Gio and thanks for sharing
~Eric~ -
Very enjoyable piece auto. The story moved well not to fast and yet not to slow. The ending of theis "chapter" was semi-surprizing though I had a hu8nch it wasnt just about somr sleep disorder. Fact is I have experieneced something similar in my sleep. I call her the thief of dreams. i look forward to reading more.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~LOve and Light~~~~
~~Blaze~~ -
Oh wow, not something I should have read at one in the morning when I already have insomnia. But this was enjoyable just the same have you written any more to it? It just doesn't seem like the story is finished.
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Good start
Yeah, sorry... I was expecting a poem, had a head ache, didn't want to deal with prose, and didn't want to waste your points (since it was a featured item) without saying something. So, slamming His Majesty's Dufus, Crown Prince Kerry, seemed like an enjoyable thing to do. As I recall, writing the reply and quaffing a half glass of Bailey's Irish Creme made the headache dissipate.
OK, so this strikes me as the first chapter of something longer. Leaving it as a short story would be a crime. Um, misdemeanor, not felony.
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Hey, EarthToJim, I really appreciated this comment of yours that had absolutely nothing to do with the piece. Reading it has made me a better writer. Thanks a lot, I hope those points came in handy.
- Giovanni -
AWESOME!
wow you totally sucked me in! i was glued to the screen omgosh what hapen what happens!?!?! oh wow, this was so reat the twist for me was sooo unexpected. and how the figure kept on moving closer and closer and then became aware of the camera...that is just soo great i thought it was soo captivating.
it's not real is it?!
I swear that as long as the ending is as amazing as this you should publish it. it is just wow. very very freaky but yet...... wow. because it starts off soo real so normal, everything fine. and then they record you and wow. just amazing such a great idea!!!! good on you! oxo -
Great story!
Personally I think the green apparition was none other than the spirit of John F. Kerry looking for a potential voter, and your struggles to ward off the beast are to be commended. I had the same experience the other night but my wife managed to scare it off with a wooden cross, a slice of garlic and a "Go Dubya!" campaign button. The demon couldn't get out of our house fast enough. Keep up the good fight and together we can whip this thing into oblivion come November.
Edited on Mar 20, 3:12 because ''. -
I just wanted you to know that I read your story and found it to be a very enjoyable read very imaginative and passionate,
I have a poem for you and it's called Laurie which is about the actual stalking and murder of a sixteen year old was stabbed 21 times and got her throat cut all because the sick psychotic bitch that killed her just happened to walk in catch her boyfriend trying to statutory rape this girl but Laurie spurned him and paid for it with her life. -
I too have a feeling this isn't finished.
altho what is here I enjoyed!
I can't wait until the next installment!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
BIll
Edited on Mar 02, 9:52 p.m. because ''. -
AHHHHH! i hate reading something that sounds like a true story (and i believed it was~like a journal entry type-thing about sleeping problems) and then encountering somethins so horrifying and relistic-sounding that u actually scroll down to see if there was a note written by the author explaining the orgin of the tale...haha... ive just discovered how well it works when ur home alone. thank you for sharing, great write.
Claire
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excellent
Damn! gripping write, great job.
-Kate -
wow, very intresting and very different. the ending was perfect; it makes you wonder what happened next but doesn't leave you wanting to stalk the author until he comes up with an explantion...very good story, and very strange
~colleen~
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Yah...a jaunt into the X-Files realm. Fact or fiction? Have you moved beyond this pale into the next? Where faceless phantoms do indeed rock us into deepened suffocating slumber of screaming dreams and we remain rooted with helpless technology as they plot to erase us, one by one.
Interesting write. You've told the story well in a compelling voice with excellent narrative. In the end, however, we can identify with the protagonest -- left hanging with questions and possibly no answers. Enjoyed it. -
Awesome Write!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I just read your poem, and my eyes were glued to every single word you were saying. This is totally unbelievable. This really happened? That is super-freaky!!!!!! I would be scared as heck to go to sleep, or even be alone in a room when I began to become tired. This is so beyond freaky. You should (and I'm not joking here) write a book about your experience. Make it into a story and let it lead into a novel/book. I'd be certainly willing to read such a thing. Awesome write. Thanks for sharing such a creepy story to us fellow poets... -
Wow, you gave LonelySoul a free membership? Aren't we generous? Nice writing, by the way...
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Yikes.....o.k....now finish it, hun.
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oo... what happened? that was a weird story.. i liked it tho.. i really did. Write more soon please!
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i agree with xxem16mexx , really like to know wut the outcome was
×·º³™°²·›• €Çh0.m¥.wÙ®Ðz•‹·²°™³º·×
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This was really good, I'd like to know what happened next though. Anyway great story, i liked it
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Those are excellent points, actually, and, considering I usually disregard these kinds of comments, I'm going to take that advice. Thanks for the tips, and for the name suggestion
!
- Giovanni -
That was rather freaky. Dr. Bell...good name (harhar).
One thing: 'This was Dr. Bell’s response when I asked him what the fuck that was. Then, I asked him what now.' is rather redundant. And I think it would be a better ending if you took out the second to last sentence (not my story so do whatever you want). Yes, anyway, I'm gonna have some strange dreams tonight...
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