"Mallows mummy, mallows!" Jay cried jumping on his mum's back.
"I havn't got any frickin' mallows!" Kaley sobbed burying her head down further into her pillow.
"My mallows mummy!" He continued wiggling on her back.
"You mean the ones you had a minute ago?" She asked picking her head up a little.
"YAY! Yes mummy MY mallows!" He screeched.
"You ate them!" Kaley snapped.
"Ohhh... Why?"
"Because that was all there are in a packet!"
"MORE PACKETS!" He screamed excitedly.
"THERE AREN'T ANY MORE!!!"
"OH NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!" Jay roared jumping off his mum and stamping his feet on the floor in tantrum, his face glowing bright red in frustation.
"That's it! NO more sweets for you if you carry on like that!"
Jay huffed and stood pouting.
'I really don't need this.... What time is it?.... HALF FOUR? What the hell happened to my lie in?' She whimpered squinting at her alarm clock.
"Look..." Kaley said reaching over and picking up a packet of cadbury's chocolate buttons, "you can have these until I can buy more marshmallows, they're specal sweeties, they're mummy's sweeties." She said handing the sweets over to Jay. Jay stared at them in deep contemplation over the sweets. After he reluctantly ate the first one he became very content in finishing them off.
"You can stay at your dad's tonight and piss him off! See what he's got to feed you!" She said assertively, slamming the bedroom light off so she could attempt to doze, leaving the landing light on for Jay.
***
"Are you sure you can handle him on your own?" Kaley repeated to Alex who was perched on the edge of royal red leather sofa. Kaley sat hunched in the comfortable armchair as far acros the richly painted room as possible with a look of sheer discomfort on her perfectly framed features.
"Yep! He's no hastle", a long pause followed, "Asleep... I'll be fine!" He smiled. His sparkly white teeth gleaming amongst the heart melting "Alex Sternhouse" smile. His bright, cornflower blue eyes shone into Kaley's dark,deep oceanic blue ones. The sun glowed through the wide triple galezed windows, across the smart laminared floor and into eachothers hair. Kaley's was dark-chocolate brunette where as Alex's was a sandy, dirty blonde. Alex posessed the casual sexy attractivness where as Kaley had the sophisticated glamorous beauty that still lingered after years of laziness.
"Alright but remember that it wont be my fault if you havn't got a roof over your head tomorrow." Kaley said pushing herself up. "Oh yeah and before I forget... Alex?"
"What?" He asked, his husky, "proper" british accent soothing the hatred she held of him and the urgency to escape his penatrating gaze.
"Don't go giving him alcohol when you havn't got anything else. Actually bother to get off your ass and walk the 24 hour shop. It's not that many yards to walk round the corner."
"You make it sound like I'm like that."
"You have done it before, and quite alot too as a matter of fact! I don't want to explain to the hospital yet again how at the age of six he's landed bladdered with a full on hangover."
"You try handling him at five in the morning when he's insistant on filling his stomach! Even though he's already eaten you out of house and home!"
"Alex..."
"What?"
"I live with him." Kaley sighed simply.
"Oh yes. Sorry. I forgot that significant peice of detail. Well I can assure you my cupboard is stacked full of crap!...", he was cut short by Kaley's rigid reaction to his lingo'.
"ALEX..."
"WHAT NOW?" He sobbed.
"Don't repeat that in front of my child!"
"YOUR CHILD IS HE? THE CHILD YOU SLING OFF ON ME WHENEVER YOU GET BORED OF HIM!" Alex spat.
"WELL I DON'T REMEMBER HIM BOMBARDING OUT OF YOUR VAGINA!" Kaley screamed. Alex froze wide eyed.
"WELL I DON'T REMEMBER YOUR BODY PRODUCING THE NECESSARY SPERM!" He retorted.
Jay's face wrinkled in pure confusion over the unauthadox argument he had just beheld between his mother and father.
Alex and Kaley both paused as their eyes transfixed on their five year old son. They both looked back up into eachother's eyes in realisation of the fact a young child, THEIR child, had witnessed an argument as charming and as censored as this one wasn't.
"Err... Jay could you please leave the room for a few minutes." Alex requested with the necessary haste.
"Okay." Jay smiled innocently.
"Like I was saying I don't remember YOU being present at his birth... remember that?" Kaley remarked with a profound viciousness.
"We've already talked about that... and as for Jay I DON'T REMEMBER YOU BEING PULLED OUT OF WORK TO MAKE HIM!"
"I DON'T REMEMBER YOU MOANING!" Kaley snapped.
"No but I can remember you doing alot of that." Alex grinned adding a wink. Kaley's face dropped into a monotone as Alex felt a burning sting collide with his cheek.
"Michelle! There was no need for you to get so fiesty about it!" Alex snapped.
Author notes
first part and made it up on the spot:S
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This was greta I loved it. Especially the argument, that was so funny, and Jay walking in on them, that was an amazing story and I'm going to read the next part right now
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so true
this is such a true story. things like this happen alot when parents get divorced at the childs young age or never even marry. its hilarious how you said you came up with it on the spot. I wouldn't be able to write anything like this because I'd get upset at how true it is. my parents recently got divorced and I feel like a burden to my parents. I wonder how jay feels. I'm excited to read morebeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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hmmm
its a bit, well, unlikely at times and it seems that the story has no purpose, perhaps a lengthier introduction or describing the actual characters
sorry but it felt like i was thrown in at the deep end with a blindfold in a way..., go over it again.
beginning: 2, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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Can you say Laugh your heart out?
oh my god! i cant stop laughing!
its like a GOOD sope opera! With some humor and what not. You had me laughing from the very beginning.
I appluad you!
I also like how you compared them to each other and then showed how much tehy are the same and different in teh same way. That was great and im glad i read it!
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Who the heck is Michelle?!?
You did a good job of showing the exhaustion that parents feel when their child needs/wants something and they just have no desire/energy to comply. I have a two-year-old son and he is no piece of cake some days and a little angel others.
A lot more of the piece needs work. There are grammatical errors throughout (understandable for an "on the spot" write) and the characters could all be developed more. The tension between Kaley and Alex is ok, but it will have more impact if we see more of them interacting before they start arguing.
I like the phrase "bombarding out of your vagina".
Watch out for little inconsistencies - like Jay being six in one paragraph and five in another... And who the heck is Michelle (besides me, tee hee)?!?
Oh, and beautiful picture at the top - but it doesn't really tie in to the story.
Thanks and good luck! -- Gypsybeginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Great Write.
'bright, cornflower blue eyes shone into Kaley's dark,deep oceanic blue eyes." you might want to change the second eyes to ones, it might sound less repetitive then, but grammatically it's fine as is.
The story flows very well. It has a great amount of vivid descriptions of the characters and of their thoughts. I loved the dialogue. This is quite honeslty one of the best pieces I've read. It's very realistic and very intriguing. You do a great job of giving the reader background without forcing it on us. I can't wait to read more. Good job.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Good Work
Okay.. I'll admit something. At first I thought I wasn't going to like this when I saw so much dialogue... but I'm glad I read it now
I think you did a great job I enjoyed reading this.. and I look forward to reading more of your material. How old are you? It doesn't matter, I still think you write very well.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Great peice of writing. But, change the background, cos i cannot c much of da writing, but a well-written tale.
beginning: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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wow this was an amazing story. I loved the characters, and i loved the write. reminds me of my little brother, a hastle, but after a while you get used to him lol. And this is a unique write, not many people make stories on relationships, well this kind of relationship, mainly vampire stories i have read recently. I hope to read more
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Amazing!
Oh my god! This was so realistic, it was like I was reading a published author! Actually it's BETTER than most published authors I've read. I love how it's so realistic, and the charicters sound so much like real people, the same exaustion with handling a child (My little cousin is a big responsibility!) and the same different feeling that people get when their divorced! ( Three of my aunts are divorced) You should really get your work to a publishing company. But first, you gotta finish it! Keep up the incredible work! -Writerfursure342
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Very good.
Well this is an awesome start to this story, the beginning of this makes me wanna read the next installment tbh so get writing!!! Hehe lovely work hun, well done!!!
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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