I used to love it here; once I got past the shock and fear that I was alone on the island. I used to wade through the waves and smile as the clear water swirled around my feet. 1
The first fish I ate tasted like heaven and the coconut milk like a tropic martini at Bruno’s. I even loved the parrot that crapped on my shirt during the third night. I talked to him—called him Pecker. Some would call it absurd and others would have chosen a different name. But I didn’t really care what people thousands of miles away thought. I never was very good at picking names. I named my first dog ‘Puss’ until my mom made me change it to Rex. I hated that dog, so I wasn’t too sad when a car ran over it.2
I used to love the mountains on the island too. They were brown and sprinkled with tiny freckles of green. I tried climbing them once, just to get a look around. I made it twenty feet before I freaked out. I hate heights.3
To tell the truth, I was completely content in my Tropico. No duties, no responsibilities, and no stressful social issues. I was relieved to never have to worry about getting shut down by another female or spending Friday night alone with popcorn and the latest action movie. People said I was weird. I believe them. What normal person lives in his six-car garage and spends his millions sending panda bears back to the Wild? I don’t even like panda bears. They scare me. The way they crunch bamboo like it’s a leg bone or something. Disgusting. That was a good salesman—or was it a girlfriend? Definitely a salesman.4
So I was quite exhilarated to never have to worry about social or vocational issues again. And family was another story. My sister would laugh if she saw me now. She wouldn’t help or stop by on her luxury yacht. Hell. She wouldn’t even throw me a bottle of water. She would laugh and sail away with her seventh boyfriend, Bob. Or was it Bill? I forget.5
My brother would have wrecked his boat into the island on purpose. He was quite the adrenaline freak. The local news team nearly imploded the time he base-jumped off their tower. “I felt high.” No one asked what kind of high he meant but I knew.6
My parents were dead. They died in a train wreck near Boston six years before my isolation. It was all over the news. My stock went up five percent the next week. Everyone teased me about it not being a total loss.7
Don’t feel sorry for me though. My dad was a drunken cheat and my mother was a drug addict. Not the kind you see on 48 Hours holding their pharmacy at gunpoint till they get a fix, but the kind who sleeps with the family doctor so she can renew her stash. I don’t remember a morning when I ate Cheerios at a table void of pill bottles. Needless to say I don’t miss them too much either. This whole ‘marooned’ thing appealed to me more and more.8
But that was all eight years ago. Now I hate it—so much I want to leave and never come back. I would trade it for any combination of social or parental complications. 9
Am I being rescued? Am I rowing past the breakers, volleyball in hand? No. I’m falling. I finally got over my fear of heights. I won’t hate the island much longer—although I’m pretty sure I hate the sharp rocks hundreds of feet below me.10
Anything is appreciated
Comments
1 - 82 of 82
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I love this story
This was a pretty good story I loved how you put so much detail into it and how you put the trageties into it that was a smart idea i will have to read more of your works because for now i am liking the way that you write you should be a very good writer. I also like the sharp rocks a hundred feet below part of the story too
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P.S. its always so easy to rate beginnings and ending because there almost always so good -
Dark, simple and wonderful.
Congrats on acheiving so much with so few words.
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freakin awesome!!
omigosh, that was beautiful.. and so sad but i looove sad stories!! -
Very grim. Dark and well stated.
not really my type of read, but i can honestly say that i enjoyed it! So really great writing!
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wow that was truly deep. s/he seems and sounds so lonely and sad. I wish i could hug them. I understand what it's like to lose someone and not no if you should cry or rejoice once they've died. It sux. Your character sounds very troubled. I am looking forward to how they resolve their troubles or how you change them. It was a good short read but your writing and voice made it quiet enjoyable. Keep up the good works. Bravo/a
Five stars -
I really liked this all the way through it. It showed strong emotion throughout and held a strong theme that darkened it...in a good way. Great job
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A great story explaing a horrible life. I expected the ending only from the title. I like how the siblings reactions are explained and I could feel the bitter hate towards the world. Excellent story.
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Oh my goodness. That was very excellent. The ending was especially awesome possum too
Really good descriptions too, I liked how you gave not too much detail but just enough to think we had an idea of what was going on.... when we didn't.. (heehee)
Great Job ! -
0_0... that was an.... unexpected ending... Wow... That was amazing. I felt everything in that story. The pain, the anger, the escape. It was like... wow. 0_0... Seriously, amazing. Not a single mistake that I noticed, so brilliant!!!!! Spectacular job of showing us what was happening and how in such a tiny little piece. A work of art! Beautifully and cleverly explained. Keep writing!
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This is...completely beautiful!! I loved it! It's just...
Powerful and deep in a way that no normal all-American sucker could contemplate. Fortunately for you, you aren't an all-American sucker, you, are an artist!!! Great Job!
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This made me want to cry, hug you and save you at the same time- It was so sad and the last lines added to the tramatic, overwhemlimg feelings that sunk deeper than a dagger to flesh.
I do so much love the ending- the fear of heights and falling - wanting to end it all..its just so sad.
Well done for a great write
Blair
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Nice...
I found the writing pretty humourous... It was 'different' in a way. I liked the way emotions are dealt with. The ending well- I must say, I felt it was kinda all-of-sudden. To sum things up, ll say I heartily appreciate the way you have sketched your character... And a neat title too. Keep it up, dude! -
wow... words can't describe what i am feeling right now... amazing descriptions... interesting twist at the end... loved it mate!
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I liked this peice quite a lot.
Nice vivid descriptions, nice brutal honesty.
It seemed a little rushed to me, but it wasn't too bad.
Nice work!
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oops forgot the applaus
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This is a interesting story. I like the referral to the movie with Tom Cruise (I believe that was the actor anyway,) the one where he is stranded on the island. I can't remember the title tho. The movie was good and so is this story. Good job. Sad ending tho. However, not all stories need be happy.
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That was really sad, but I enjoyed it. Lots of detail and emotion. Good job. I think some parts could ber left out, but other than that, it could be a great surviver story. Or rescue story.
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Woah! I really enjoyed reading this piece. You describe everything very well...and the ending was quite a shocker for me. Wow!
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the description for the island was well developed though i felt that you lacked in other descriptions. Your get at writing from the characters point of view and that whats make the story so interesting. Good Work!
~Arooj~ -
Somethings in this seem like you only wrote them for no reason. Little descriptions like, "I hated that dog, so I wasn’t too sad when a car ran over it." and "I don’t even like panda bears." There really is no need for anything like that. This could of been more descriptive, maybe even a story rather than an Vignette or sorts. Works on your story writing skills a bit cause everyone can write things like this. Be Unique!
~Soul
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The name really helps bring in readers. It brought me in. I think you have a little problem with your language in your story, focus more on that next time
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Worth reading, yet undeveloped.
Focus your language on cohesive, comprehensible details... I know I've never had a burger at Bruno's, so that does nothing for me. Also, just saying your father was a "drunken cheat" is almost a cliche; what exactly does "drunken cheat" entail? Don't get the wrong impression - I am glad I read this, and I think you should keep writing. -
It was short but so descriptive.The ending I loved the most,it was,well i can't really describe it.The humour you added in the end finished off this characters scribbled life perfectly.You created a wonderful piece here.
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Hey, that was cool.
I dont know if he dies at the end, but thats the impression i got. I liked how ou described his end.
The character sounds very realistic, somehow.
But I really, really, liked the end. It's not like "He died. the end." It's very creative.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, BRO!
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this is so cool. i like how you explain and give a lot of detail in his life. it make shim more personable and that is vital for a great character! good job!
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This was a really interesting story. The views were unqiue and emotional. I could actually relate to the narrator. And I could feel for the narrator. It made me sad to read how horrible of a life that person had. The title is interesting.
Overall, I'd say that this was a really good story. Everything in it was strong. There weren't really any weak spots. The emotional impact was good and well done. I'd say that this is a very good story. -
Sad. I really felt sympathetic for the narrater, he had a rare type of outlook on the world that while eccentric was one I really liked. The story is very powerful and I enjoyed reading it but still feel sorry for the main charecture
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Wow. And interesting story. The description of the place was really nice. really nice...good job on ur story. =D
Aaez.
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This was quite an interesting piece, the depth of the main character was very good. The thought processes are realistic and as sporadic as you might expect for a man that is starting to go over the edge. I found the ending a little bit to odd - it was very sudden, I did not really think he was that suicidal or depressed until right towards the end and my mind didn't have a chance to change my view of the character.
All in all, a good read, but mainly for your creative ability at character design and interesting language. Keep up the good work!
- CC -
Nice. It was descriptive without being too heavy and confusing and you ended it nicely. It is slightly odd, but you make up for that by writing well and using rough emotion.
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This has a sense of oddity...its a good thing though..the emotion if rough but its in the appropriate places.
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Loved the parrot! Lmao!
"...getting shut down..." shud be "shot down"
Ugh,peple joked about parents? That's awful!
This piece is hilarious, excellent! -
Nice literary reference at the end to that Tom Hanks movie. Good emotional capture and imagery.
Keep writing! -
This is really good and captured the emotion in just the right place. I abssolutely loved it. Well done!!
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Sometimes it is our parents who cause us so much oain and suffering. I though you did a brilliant job with this, from start to finish I felt every word and it was just superb
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It's really hard for me to think for a moment that such awful parents exist. Why shouldn't they? There are terrible people around, and parenthood is just one more thing. This story kinda shows off what our world could be.
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Hm sad to know that such parents exist in the world but..yeah they do...haha nice way to put it up and describe them good job
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Ah, poor puppy...
I like the realism, at least, of a character who doesn't care much for him family. However, I would have liked to know how he came to the island. Was there the stereotypical plane crash, or something else? Was it the not being rescued that drove him to suicide, some strange power of the island, or just the isolation? He seemed to like the isolation, then all of a sudden...
I think you're off to a good start. I would suggest adding more to it. Fill out some details. Maybe add a dialogue scene with Pecker? At the moment, it feels half done.
Keep writing! -
I agree with BorntothePurple in that the character isn't very likeable. I think that might be my biased opinion against people who are happy when a dog is hit by a car though lol. But to me the character didn't need to be likeable, in fact I think it went well with the story. I like the way you write and the tone you use. It was very humorous. It didn't have very many mistakes in it, if it any. All in all this was a very good read.
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This is a dark little vignette. Interesting that we never know his name. I find him not a very likable character, actually. Maybe you should add something to make him a little more like a guy we can sympathize with.
Overall, though, I like it....but the title does kind of give away the ending. If you want, you can go for surprise by changing the title, but that would make it a different kind of story.
I like the part about the panda bears - that was funny. You have a lot of nice details here, but this piece may be worth expanding into something longer.
It shows promise, keep writing. -
My favorite part about reading is when the author is trig enough to let me know how the character feels, and exactly what he knows. No author insight, for character development. But i guess thats the key to a good POV piece; giving no author insight, and you did it for me here with this guy. I enjoyed seeing his little piece of heaven there, and how it turned into a "You dont know what you've got untill its gone" Kind of thing. Ahh Solitary confinement, one of the most vicious types of punishment there is. I could see going insane on an island by myself, hell i almost did just that, except here at my house in the country for a whole week without seeing one person. It sucks. Couldnt imagine eight years, whole also having to get my own food from nature and stuff. Rambling is what i do.
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This was really good, Matt. I think this had nice imagery and good story-telling to it, not to mention that the grammar wasn't that bad, either. I also think that the descriptions were really good, as well.
This was also kind of suspenseful, too, because it seemed to have drawn me into the story.
Keep up the good work! -
Wow! That was a haunting tale. I absolutely loved it. You picked up on the isolation component in this story really well, as the story paced. Fast-moving, gripping and a shocking end - I thoroughly enjoyed the story. It is indeed quite an unique piece.
It is good as it is. Do not make it longer; it will lose its beauty. And do not continue; the end is beautiful yet shocking!
Keep writing
Ankita
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Wow. That is really different. Good different. I enjoyed it. I hope you develope it more some day.
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wow this is really interesting. i like how you had the idea that eh got everything that he wanted but now he would give it all back to have his old life. i hope you might consider contuinuing this in some way
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Imagine doing this routine...and no one laughs!
This reads like stand-up comedy...only some of it isn't quite funny....just misses. The reason it seems to miss (I guess some people might find the stuff just hilarious) is you seem to be trying too hard. Trying too hard translates into using SUPERLATIVES...and EXAGGERATIONS...also repeating a phrase of similar or same meaning to slam a point home. Unnecessary. Like: "My sister's SEVENTH boyfriend..." then "Bob or was it Bill." We already got the point. (And, BTW, "seventh" boyfriend isn't THAT startling or funny!)Also "drunken...CHEAT"...(a bit too much)
The parents bit isn't so funny either...it's a little hostile, in fact.
The end makes little sense...doesn't seem consistent with the top...and again, ain't so funny. And, occasionally the "voice" changes. ("Parental complications?")
Some of this works at the top...but most of it sounds like you seem to be trying too hard. It STRETCHES credibility. You can work on TRIMMING the piece...as it stands now it's a little verbose. Lines like: "Some would call it absurd and others would have chosen a different name..." are irrelevant and extraneous. Who cares what OTHERS would do? This is YOUR piece...we are reading YOUR story! Forget about telling the reader what OTHERS would have to say. If they want the opinions of OTHERS...they would be reading OTHERS! (See?)
The line about the dog getting run over isn't all that amusing either. Why rely on this death theme for your humor? Try another tack...or modify it. It's a cheap shot! You seem to have some talent and the idea...but you're also on the wrong track. Try again. Be less extreme. Less cruel. Why rely on cruelty and pain for comedy? It's not the ONLY thing that's funny!
Good luck,
G -
Oh snap. This was awesome. Completely deserving of the 34 comments before me and 17 old applause. I love stories like this that just make fun of life. Yay! Kudos to you.
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Woah
I like the detail and the emotion. The ending scares me a little, butI'd feel the same way...Great job!
*Frozen Angel* -
very very very abstract and diffrent then the rest of the writes i've read today. great job and keep up all the good work i can't wait to see more writes like this from you great job!
-maddie -
:)
this was amazing! it was such a different read. with such a different outlook and experiance of life. i really didn't hate the character. i mean at least he wasn't complaining. life can suck no matter where you are. this kindof shows this...
anyway i liked it it was one hell ofa write
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I really liked this, it was different and nice to read. And I must say I didn't expect him to die at the end. Great job!
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0.o
I hate this character! He's too- i don't know. I can't decide whether to feel sorry for him, or to beat the hell out of him cuz he's to full of himself about being rich or to scold him to get over his depression (well he's dead now lol).
I like the way you wrote it. It was a good piece of work. -
very intresting. :]
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Hmmmmmmmm
A nice piece. Do I agree with "k8fairy" about the ending? To an extent. Ok, I didn't see the ending coming. But, the ending is pretty good now. And I just don't want to suggest a change, which turns out to be worse than the original.
It was a great piece anyway. Well done, and keep it up. -
Wow!Thats is really good!
Its so descriptive.So wow!I mean I feel and understand him.I am girl thought, but its like he was just telling it to me right now.Wow!I really like it!I totally mean it!I was so absored reading it!It made so much sense so much-It was great!
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Pretty good
I like the story in general, I think the ending comes very abruptly, which seems a little odd to read, but is probably kind of good construction, the shock of it right? I think your title gives away the ending though, less of a surprise it is. -
The imagery in this piece is awesome! I enjoyed reading it all the way through. The ending gave me chills as I thought about the rocks...
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Interesting...how the character first seems to enjoy the island and then goes bitter. Well done.
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hehehe... I loved it.
Well, first of all, it was indeed very very funny. Secondly, you made a good point. Personally, I think that isolation is much much worse that being around with some-what horrible people.
It was good, the way you discribed the life the character had before. And I absolutely loved the ending... and I read in a book that if someone is writing from the point of view of the first person then he mustn't die at the end... Well you just died... I mean... well, you understand. That was really good.
Made me, the moody poet, smile
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Wow, very interesting indeed.. I loved it, it had it's moments of pure humor butthere was still something more, and that is admirable in such a short piece
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The ending was a bit of a shock i have to admit! it was a great read though....i wonder how he ended up on there in the first place!
i think it summed up (in a rather extreme example) that aspect of human nature that sometimes longs for solitude, but then begins to crave company. it was rather a poignant piece i thought. i enjoyed it a lot. -
Nice! Truly beautiful; the imagery and descriptions were just excellent and your near perfect wording brought it all together. Keep it up!
~Kevan~ -
I'm not really sure what the point of this was. Apparently your character will be miserable wherever he is. Whiny people aren't interesting. It's practically a relief that he kills himself because he won't moan anymore. There were a couple laughs, but it's not really a comedic character or story. Try something with a little more action of some sort.
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I really liked it. My favorite part was the part about the pandas I thought that was really great, but I think pandas are cute!.
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I liked it!!!! The descriptions where good. I alos liked how you described the character. Nicely done
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so is this about castaway? or you were just making references?
anyways, this isn't too bad, though not what i normally read. -
At first I it alarmed me that you put a story titled Suicide Isle under the humor category, but once I read it, I thought that it was actually quite funny. I would have liked to have seen more details about his life. There are enough as it is, but you did such a good job with it that I would have like to have seen more. Also, I loved that you included the part about the parrot crapping on his shirt. I don't know why, but that really cracked me up. I look forward to reading more of your stories. Great job and keep writing.
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This was a witty tale, well-crafted and with round, developed characters. The narrator's eccentricity had me laughing out loud. There were some fragments and mis-punctuated sentences throughout it, like with the opening line, "I used to love it here; once I got past the shock and fear that I was alone on the island." Change the semi-colon to a comma, as the second clause is dependent.
That aside, good job with this. -
Excellent +
You are a very talented writer. I love the part about the dog. It would seem to be sad but if you re-examine the circumstances it
is more likely to be funny. Tres Bien! -
good job
i like it, love the ending i especially like although I’m pretty sure I hate the sharp rocks hundreds of feet below me. good job and keep writing -
POOR DOG! I can't beleive that he wasn't sad about the dog... the parents I can understand, but the dog?!
Anyways. This had a very dry sense of humor, which is great! I serioulsy loved this piece so much. I think that you did a great job. Though, the only thing I didn't like was how his siblings didn't have names. Well, he wasn't named either. Well, this was a great write.
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Very interesting story idea. This wasn't a normal suicide story and for that I'm glad. I guess we've all glazed over. Thanks for being orginal and good job!
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It's very ironic that the character preferred the life of the island..but then again, I understand how she liked having a place to herself. Great story and I liked how you express the character's feelings so well. It's very realistic and plainly shows the emotions of character feels. I really like this! Keep on writing!
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good job at picking out names..lol...i love pandas! dont worry my sister has been through so many boyfrineds..omg...and me sometimes i get them mixed up..lol..and i swear everyone says that i go through guys like toilet paper! LOL about the brother...sounds like mine also! Wow this was really deep..is this how you really feel? You can come to me if you want...i have gone through a lot..but not really like in these circumstances...but close...this was a great story though and i hope to read more of your works!
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Nice twist at the end. It sort of reminded me of an Edward Norton narrative. It was so well done that I wish this hadn't been just a short story.
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Great story. A bit off the beaten track I must say which makes it quite interesting. I like the way you used the humour element making life's unpleasant situations seem less 'heavy' for the reader.
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Interesting
Well, the story's title caught my attention, and as I was in a hurry when I read it, the "600 words" was a bit convenient at the time (though normally I prefer long stories).
So, let's begin the review, shall we?
Beginning: 4/5
I liked the beginning. I'm not sure how to explain it, but the way you introduced the character and where he/she (you never gave us a name) made the story interesting and effective.
So, kudos to a good beginning.
Ending: 4/5
I can't really find anything wrong with the ending. In fact, it made me laugh. I wasn't expecting it. I'm not entirely sure what, exactly, I was expecting, but certainly not the way you'd written it.
I think it was good that you mentioned earlier in the story he (when I refer to the character from now on, I will say 'he' in assumption. If I'm wrong, feel free to correct me) was afraid of heights, and I thought it was ironic that he is afraid of heights all this time for fear of falling, and that the one time he decides to get over his fear it comes true.
Sort of giving a rational reason for a slightly irrational fear (only slightly irrational. Lots of people are afraid of heights. But a lot of people are afraid of the dark, too.)
My only suggestion is deleting "hundreds of feet", but that's not a big deal, and I may be overanalytical, so if you don't want to change it, don't bother.
Characters: 3/5
You put a lot of personification into this, which is why it pains me to give you the average score of 3/5, but you didn't really tell us much about the character. You did not specify what the character's name is, their age, gender, or any of that. And although, admittedly, none of these were important to the story, it's still nice to know who it is we're reading about.
Plot: 4/5
The plot was impressive, actually. Simple, yes. But it takes a satirical spin on an old genre.
I've read stories and seen movies about a character struggling against the odds to survive on an island, but I liked this better because it tells us what the character thinks about the island.
Kudos.
Language: 5/5
The language was smooth and easy to read.
Normally this is the part where I say, "BUT there were still some spelling mistakes you need to fix, here they are:" and then proceed to list every single spelling mistake there was in the story.
Fortunately, there were none.
No spelling mistakes whatsoever. No grammar mistakes, either.
At first, I was unsure. I thought I might have missed them because I was in a hurry when I first read it, so I read it again. And then I thought I was just being careless, so I searched a second time.
And then I was writing this review, and I searched a third time.
And still, I see no mistakes at all.
I'm not sure, but I think this is the first 5/5 I've ever given on "language", because almost everybody makes one or two spelling mistakes.
Whether you're just not one of those people, or if someone else pointed the mistakes out before I did, you still get a 5/5.
Kudos.
Dialog: [not rating]
Though the story is in first person, and so technically the whole thing is dialog, I'm not rating it because the story itself is 'language' and 'plot', which I've already voted, and 'dialog' is the quotation marks from when a character speaks.
Since he's alone, I guess he really can't speak to anyone but himself, huh?
Overall: 7/10- Excellent
I don't know where the overall rating went on the comment box, but this is my score to you. 7/10-Excellent.
Because, in truth, it was an excellent story that I enjoyed.
You told me you appreciated my honesty and that you've read my previous comments on other authors, so undoubtedly you know that I don't normally grant high scores (I'm a difficult person to impress), so the fact I give you a 7/10 means that that is how I truly see the story.
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Grateful
Thanks for the review and advice. You really seem to know what you're talking about, and that's welcome when I look at reviews made on my stories. As for the spelling and grammar, my dad's an English teacher so I think some of it rubbed off on me growing up. Thanks again.
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Now. My fav. paragraphs are the ones about his brother, his parents, and his mom sleeping with the doc. Great image, good humor, ironic and sad. Sometimes, however, your character says things I can't imagine he'd say. For instance, "Don't feel sorry for me," "I finally got over my fear of heights." Bull. I like the crappy parrot and the drink and all. But what's the point of this story? What's his motivation? Why is he addressing this to us, what should we see? And I must tell you, I skimmed the last paragraph the first time I read it and didn't get it at all. Now I know he killed himself, but I am not satisfied. How the hell'd he get on the island?
Your voice is interesting, straightforward and ironic. I could hear you speaking it. -
Interesting spin off of Castaway. I thought it should a realistic side to being alone. After a while it's not so great. Good description.
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