Death of a Star1
It was April 1, 1978, I was standing in our family's kitchen doing dishes, staring blankly out the window that stood over the sink. My dad has been sick for years. Did I say years? It seems like eons. I hear my mom's car pull into the garage. As I step to open the back door, I see that she's very distraught. As she reaches the door, she looks at me with great sadness in her eyes, "Your father has died tonight." I don't remember what I had in my hand at the time but whatever it was shattered as it hit the floor. My whole world had completely been ripped from its axis and had been flung--spinning crazily--into space. My father, the center of my life, had been cruelly taken from me.2
Later that night the house was full of grieving family and friends. It's like I'm standing there, but as a separate entity not really feeling anything. Turning, I walk into my bedroom, nevertheless it's not far enough. I can still hear people murmuring their condolence's.3
Not really knowing where I was headed, I walked out the front door. There, planted by the front door is a brilliant red rose bush--it was my father's favorite.All of a sudden I reached out and violently ripped one of its fragile blooms from the bush, not caring about thorns. I looked at my hand as the crimson color of the petals of the rose mixed with the redness of my own blood; finally feeling the pain that the thorns had inflicted was now being felt.4
As tears now are filling my eyes, I start my ranting and raving, screaming and crying; thinking that the whole neighborhood can hear me (later I found out the no one heard anything) I begin my grieving, anger that would last two years.5
"Why in the hell did you leave me now, Dad? You never loved me, you're not even going to be here to see me graduate high school. Oh God, why didn't you take me instead?" were many of the accusations that were crowding my mind.6
A lot of this anger is directed at my mother. After my dad was admitted to a convalescent home, she never took the time to take me to see him. I think that she purposely did this.7
Gradually, I felt the need to be with my family. Walking through the front door I see my mother look up and extend her arms to me. In reaching her I feel her arms go around me, clutching me as if I were a lifeline. Feeling this sudden closeness, I realize that if I share my grief with my family it will help me come to grips with my own loss. As my eyes fill with fresh tears; I now feel comfortable with expressing my grief.8
Upon entering the slumber room at the funereal home, I still didn't quite believe that my dad had died. Because he did die on April Fools Day, I really expected him to rise up out of the casket and put an end to this very cruel joke. However, since this did not happen, it dispelled all hope.9
For months after my father's death I moved along, going through the motions of living. I never really began to remember any of the happy moments that Dad and I shared. But one summer day as I was weeding a rose bed I started to remember my first experience with the mountains--just Dad and Me.10
Eshom Campground was the first father-daughter outing. Mom was working over time. Dad had decided it was time for me to experience "his world." As we slowly strolled the campground he would point out to me different landmarks. When we reached a small pine tree, I, being a very smart five year old. I knew that a pine tree was green, but this one was red. At a closer look, I discovered that it was covered with ladybugs. I asked dad why the ladybugs were doing this. "It's the season for the ladybugs to hatch, And they always seem to land here at this campground around this time of spring." My five year old mind was just whirling with this information. I couldn't wait to go back to school, to dazzle my classmates with this piece of information that the star of my life had bestrode on me.11
Again another incident came to mind.12
It was in February of 1978. Dad was back in the hospital. All I remember was leaving the high school at brunch time to see my dad. It was really easy since the high school and the hospital were only a few blocks from each other. Striding into the hospital lobby, neither looking right or left, as if I owned the place. When I got to my dad's room. I saw that he was sitting up in his bed reading the latest issue of Field and Stream. Seeing me standing in the doorway, he breaks into a smile. "Princess, he says, "you're not ditching school are you?" I tell him I'm not. "It's just brunch time , dad." As I sit visiting my father (he being very perceptive, knew something was wrong), He asked me what was wrong. Telling dad that I had a fight with mom just that morning and she being in a very foul mood had refused to give me any lunch money. He said, "Well you can check my pants pockets, I think your mother took my wallet; but there is some change." After getting the change, I only had enough time to give dad a hug and a kiss before heading back to class. "I love you,dad" I said softly, "you know that don't you?" "Yeah, I know baby girl, I love you too." That would be the last time I would see my father alive.13
All throughout my life I had been a naive young girl. The traumatic and very sudden death of my father seemed to give me the jolt I needed. I no longer closed my eyes or stuck my head in the sand at life. I took up the slack in the reins of my life--clack that the death of my father left--and steered it in a direction of my own choosing, whether it be the right choice or the wrong one.14
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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excellent~
Oh sis
I didn't know you lost your dad on Aprils Fool Day
Bless your heart...my dad passed away in Nov of 83 and not a day goes by I don't think of him still yet.....and now I have mom to think of too...Well you know what we're both going through here....
It is tough but memories shall never be taken from us
This is such a sad heartfelt write......and thank you for taking time to pen it and share it with us
Love ya sis of mine
Your sis
Susan~~~
Edited on Aug 19, 3:45 p.m. because 'always making a mistake lol~'. -
Very touching story. I am sad to read your comment that this is a true story.
The story is very powerful, and being a true story, I wouldn't change anything. However; there are a couple of points on your delivery that I think might help. First, there are places where you take us from present tense to past tense and back. That seemed to detract from the story's flow as each time I encountered a tense change, I had to change my thinking on the flow as well. Second, and much more minor, I think the word you were looking for was "Bestowed" in place of "Bestrode".
I really like your story, and your story telling. As you know, storytelling is what I really like to do. I'm so glad I came to your page today and discovere the stories you had posted. Very nice work. -
Yes, this is completely true story. Those actions of the afore mentioned person (s) actually happened.
~Willow~ -
is this a true story??!!
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I am so touched by how the speaker feels in this poem, especially since I relate to some of the feelings of alienation, grief, and loss in my own growing up years.
There are some technical things like dialog paragraphing and incomplete sentences that could use some editing to make it move a little smoother. The tense changes from present to past, too, and it needs to be in the same tense all the way through. I could help you with that. Is there a format for this type of change? The narrative is very poignant, but could use some active dialog in places for added punch. What do you think?
Willow, What is the verdict box for? Klassy -
this story was so good. is it a true story? i hope not and if it is im sorry.. this was very good though.
~Princess -sorry about the name.. -
Oh, Willow, this is so sad. To lose a parent when we're young is hard to understand. I'm glad you came to grips with the grieving, sharing it with your family is such a help for all concerned. It's keeping that grief bottled up inside us, that hurts so much more.
Remembering the pleasant memories ...not only is it nice but it's actually healing as well. In my immediate family I've lost my mother, a younger sister and a younger brother. It's all sad, but it's the good times I remember the most, the ones which most often come to mind when I think of any of them.
You've written a very beautiful and poignant story here.
And I see you've come a long way from that terrible April Fools day..... Good for you
ramblin
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That is a truly beautiful piece of work and I bet your dad would be so proud of you! It was quite emotional for me because i lost my dad to cancer in 2002 and i miss him dearly too although as a child i never really appreciated him. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you loads
xxx -
as always my hero ..thanks for sharing this emotional piece...God Bless( where ever you go I will be there...where ever I am , you are)
shastadaisey123 -
Truly a very touching and sad piece. Worthy of the applause it has recieved. The emotions are just so...human...so strong and moving.
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It is so hard to deal with losing our parents especially when we have a close rlationship, I was a lot older han you when I lost my Dad and I still deal with missing him wanting to tell him things.I know he is in a better pace where he doesn't have to suffer but still I want him here.You have done a great job writing this.
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I wish you could have been with your Dad, Willow. When my Dad passed away, we were all at his bedside. I wrote a few things about the pain of those times, but for the most part they were touching reminders of our last days with my Dad. If you want to put some meaning to your last visit with your Dad, think along these lines - I went to my Dad for money one day, and even though he had no wallet, I still came away with change from his pocket. You still go to your Dad for advice, and even though he is no longer here, his words are as real as the change in your pocket.
Take care and keep writing,
John -
How sad! It was really touching, and the imagry and the emotions you described were so accurate... just perfectly formed and said. Wonderful job. Keep writing!
Kate
Thanks for reading all my stuff! I really appreciate it... I should have another chapter up today. -
This was wonderful! It had love, and it was true. It came straight from the heart, and that is why i liked it!
*T0XIIK* -
This is so touching, full of sadness yet still it is beautiful. It has always struck me as funny how, at least for me, when somebody close dies, the predominant emotion i feel is anger at them for leaving, even if it wasn't their fault. But it sort of passes, and then we can remember the good times. I do hope that this was therapeutic for you to write though, because I can feel the emotions pouring out, and know that it probably was not something that was easy to put into words. Welcome to the site though, and I look forward to reading more from you!
Josh
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wonderfull
Yeah, this one was truely beautiful and really sad... But add more stories jiger banti,, I just wanna read more!
Yours always,
Sehrish~ 
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Thanks Samantha...unfortunately it is true. Lost my father on April Fools Day '78. And I still miss him.
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Gee, I'm not really sure what to say. There is obviously so much pain here, OF COURSE, there would be. I enjoyed it but wish it wasn't true (it is isn't it?) If it is, than I can only hope that the writing and sharing of this will be theraputic. My sincerest best wishes for your future work. S.J.
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