My friends and I were walking down the street chilin as usual and it starts to rain out of no where so we all ran to the nearest building which was a target on Austell rd in Ga. We waited for about 20 minutes and the rain stopped so we started walking to my boyfriend’s house, which was about six blocks away from target. Halfway to his place it starts to rain really hard so we started running and I had a dress and some heals on so I was pissed I was socked, even my hair I looked like a drunk just getting out of the shower. Anyway as soon as we got there no one was home we were mad but a car pulled up and it was my boyfriend Antwon and you can tell he had just came from the grocery shopping. He walked up to us with this look of lust and excitement.1
“Wat ya’ll doin herre?”
He said in a loud voice like we can’t hear him2
“We came to get out the rain can’t you see that”
I said while trying not to snap on him3
“O sorry babe I didn’t see you”4
“It’s Koo now can we get in?”5
“Ight you can get in but they asses can’t they gotta go”6
They all looked at him as if he was crazy and as if they were gonna jump him (beat him up as a group)7
“What you gone make us walk home”
Said Joel in a angry voice8
“Hell naw I’ll drive yall home but yall got ta give me some gas money”9
“How much”10
“$30 a person’11
“What”12
“Hell ya $30 a person, it cost me $30 to fill up my tank it’s only fair”
After he got his money he came up to me with a bag in one hand and keys in the other then I noticed the bag was a gift bag.13
“Herre the keys fo you to get in and can u put dis bag on my bed fo me please?”14
While grabbing the bag and keys I say15
“Ight but wat in the bag?”16
“Don’t worry bout dat’17
“Tell me please”18
“Don’t worry bout it gul when I get back u’ll see ight”19
“Ight”20
Kisses me and says21
“Love you bitch”22
“Love you to ho”23
“Hey is yo stupid ass roommate gone be here”24
“Naw he at his parents crib (house) he won’t be back until tomorrow”25
“Ight”26
“Don’t you open dat”27
“I won’t”28
“Ight bye”29
“Bye”30
I wave bye then open the door. As soon as I walk in I put the keys on the nearest table the walk upstairs to Antwons room and put the bag on the bed. Then go to the closet to get some clothes, I was forced to wear one of his white tees since the only I left here was a bikini, and some booty shorts so I have to borrow a shirt. After laying out some clothes on the bed I get in the shower (because I smelled like dirty rain water).
While in the shower I hear a noise outside the bedroom door luckily I was done. I got a towel raped it around my body and walk to the door opened it it’s Antwons roommate Damonta he annoys the hell out of me, he has the biggest crush on me, and he try’s so hard to break antwon’s relationships. 31
“ What the fuck are you doin herre?”32
“What you mean what i'm doin herre I live here”33
“I know that bitch twon said earlier you weren’t gone be herre”34
“Well he lied to yo fine ass why don’t you come and talk to me fo a lil bit”35
“I’ll think bout it”36
He tries to walk in but I close the door in his face, put my clothes on and reopen the door37
“Fine I’ll talk to you fo a lil bit”38
“Ight shawty follow me”39
So I do, he leads me downstairs to the living room. Once we get downstairs I sat down on the love seat and he sits next to me and puts his right arm around my neck40
“Move yo arm now”41
“Ight”42
“What you wanna talk to me bout’43
He goes quiet for a second and says44
“I just wanna ask you something”45
“What”46
“How come my roommate can get a fine gul like you”47
“Cuz he a fine MAN I love plus he’s great in bed”48
He goes quiet and looks at me like he just said what the hell in his head then says49
“Freak”50
“Proud of it”51
“I can tell”52
He try’s to give me a kiss but I push him away and walk back upstairs to Antwon’s room and lie on the bed and watch TV. About 30 mins later the doorbell rings Damonta answers it. I started thinking to myself who ever it is they’re a friend of his and they decided it’s alright to come upstairs so I walked to the door opened it and said53
“Go downstairs this aint yo place”54
To my surprise it’s Antwon55
“I guess you realized who I am gul”56
“Sorry bout that I”57
“Don’t worry bout it”58
He kisses me and heads towards the bathroom59
“Where you goin”60
“Shower you wanna come”61
“Naw I already took a shower”62
“Ight”63
Once he gets in the shower I start to wonder how fun it would be if I got in with him so I head towards the bathroom and take off my clothes and knock on the shower door64
“Who’s there”65
“Open the door and you’ll see”66
He opens the door and look at me with lust67
“I knew you were comin”68
“Really”69
I kiss him and walk in the shower. It wasn’t long when he started kissing on my neck and rubbing on my body just making me hard (horny) as hell70
“Baby you know what you doin”71
“Ya gul just relax and enjoy yourself”72
Then he swings me around to the wall73
“Shit”74
“Sorry did I hurt you”75
“Naw its koo”
While thinking to myself he betta not do that again.76
He starts kissing on me and lifts me up then slides it in hard and fast77
“O shit aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh”78
“Feels good don’t it”79
“yyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaa”80
He starts pumping his dick in my pussy harder and faster just sinking in further and further with every push81
“ssssssshhhhiiiiiiiiiitttttt aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh ffffffuuuuuuucccccckkkkkk mmmmmeeeeeeeee”82
“ddddddddaaaaaaammmmmmmmnnnnnnnn ggguuuulllll”83
“aaaahhhhhh aaaaaaaahhhh aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh”84
“ssssssssshhhhhhhhhh gul”
I could tell he was about to cum by the way his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Then he pushed real hard and held it for a little bit85
(Both at the same time)
“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”86
My eyes started rolling back as he held it until I was cumin all over the shower floor. Once he let go he starts pumping again up and down slow at first then fast making both of us scream he starts saying87
“Shit shit shit shit”88
Then he pulls out and lets my legs go dropping me to the floor and he skits cum all over the shower. Once he stops cumin I crawl over to him89
“Boi that was great”90
I say while licking the lil bit of cum left off his dick91
“Damn gul”92
I smile93
“Let me please you boi”
He grabs my wrist pulls me up until i’m standing94
“You’ve pleased me enough already”95
Kisses me and slides 4 fingers in me96
“sssssssshhhhhhhhiiiiiiiittttttttt hhhhhhhaaaaaaaa”97
“Felt good huh”98
“(Softly) ya”99
He pulls out, I look at us and then the shower and say100
“I think we betta take a shower and clean up the shower”101
“You right gul”102
After 20 mins in the shower we get dressed and I go downstairs to get some water and to say hi to Damonta and his friends one of them say103
“Damn gul nice clothes’104
(I had just a long white tee on)105
“Come ova herre gul”106
“Shut yo bitch ass up I only came down herre fo some water”107
“Twon tapped that ass huh?”108
“Ya why”109
Damonta starts talking shit110
“ You let his dumb ass tap that ass”111
“Hell ya at least he gets a chance to tap my ass”112
“Gul if I ge”113
“Shut up boy you aint neva gone get a chance”114
I get the water and start up the stairs115
“Bye bitches don’t miss me”116
I go back to the room, open the door and say117
“Baby you want some water”118
“Ya”119
I go to the closet and put on some clothes, antwon follows behind120
“Where you goin”121
“I’m goin outside to get something”122
“Ight befo you go herre”123
He hands me the bag I sat on the bed earlier I open it it’s a complete outfit with necklaces, watches, earrings, bracelets, and a lot of different rings just blinding me.124
“Shit it’s beautiful”125
“You like it”126
“Hell ya what’s it fo”127
“Tonight”128
“Where we goin”129
“You’ll find out soon enough”130
“Ok boi”131
He leaves, I looked at the out fit one more time hang it up, finish putting on my clothes, and go outside. On my way back inside I see Antwon coming outside132
“What you doin out herre”133
“I just wanted to see what you doin out herre”134
“oooooooookkkkkkkkk”135
Then it starts raining again I try to go inside but antwon stops me136
“What the hell you doin?”137
“Stay out here with me”138
“Why”139
He pulls me closer to him and says140
“Lets have some fun in the rain”141
Looking confused142
“Are you serious?”143
He kisses me then says144
“You know I’m serious we gone have some fun”145
“What bout th”146
He kisses me again147
“ssssssssshhhhhhhhhh don’t worry you can trust me”
148
Author notes
this story is pretty freaky so please be mature about it
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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um...
There could be a little more detail to seperate some dialogue. Example, how did he/she say it? At times, there are certain words that need an explanation. BUT... I do like this story. I can relate to it a strange way, but I do like it. If you added just a tad bit more detail, this would be great. Keep going.
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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perhaps it could have been told better had only the dialogue been in ebonyx? There really wasn't much plot or meaning and it was really hard to follow, something to just consider, I guess. It's a good start though.
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i think that this story is a good idea its just that i think you might be rushing it a little bit, but good start!
