This Is Who I Am

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me
And I walk alone 1

I've grown up in this grimy, dilapidated neighboorhood, and as far as I know, I've been born here. People could call me a loner. I walk alone. 2

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one
And I walk alone 3

I wander in the tangle of streets at night...alone. I wander and think about what might have happened if I had done something, pursued my dreams. Sometimes I break down and cry, but nobody hears me, nobody cares. The city is sound asleep...no one ever hears me cry. The Boulevard of Broken Dreams is a sad place indeed. 4

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a... 5

I don't have friends. Loners don't have friends. But Mother wanted me to have friends. She always shoved at other kids in a pathetic attempt to have me make friends. But I was always rejected. Always. Like I said, I don't have friends. I'm a loner, and always will be. I walk alone. 6

My shadow's the only one
That walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing
That's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there
Will find me
'Til then I walk alone 7

Sometimes I wonder...would there be more to my life if I talk to someone else other than myself? To try and make friends? Sometimes I wonder what would happen if someone actually takes notice of me, finds me pathically crying in the curb. Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to have someone walking beside you other than your damn shadow. 8

Ah ah, ah ah, ah, ah, aah ah
Ah ah, ah ah, aah 9

It's starting to rain. I like the rain. It cools me down, and less people are out in the streets. In the streets crowding around. I don't like that. People are rushing into the safety of their houses, avoiding the rain. Soon no one will be on the streets. I like that. 10

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere
In my mind
On the borderline
Of the edge
And where I walk alone 11

Rain. Why does it rain? Friends. Why do people want friends? Need friends? Why did Father leave me? Why did Mother kill herself? Why? Why why why? Why is life like this? Why am I like this??? 12

Read between the lines
What's **ed up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To known I'm still alive and I walk alone 13

I want to die. Is that a blade? A blade lying on the cold concrete sidewalk? I picked it up, and began the drag it over my gray, dirty wrist. A bright red puddle began to blossom from where I had dragged the filty blade. I marveled at the striking contrast of red and gray, and began carving more lines into my arm. I look around. I can barely see the buildings around me...the world is turning black... The last thing I am to see is a young woman, well-dressed and holding up a blue umbrella, screaming her lungs out. 14

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a... 15

I felt the coolness of the sidewalk on my back. My world is now a wonderful shade of black. It is a pure, complete black. Not like those black letters in billboards. Not like the hair of shampoo models I've seen in TV sets in shops. It was a richer, thicker black. It was wonderful. Bliss... 16

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a... 17

What's going on? Everything's white...blinding white. I don't understand...am I not supposed to be dead? How come I can open my eyes? How come I'm in a white robe, white room, white everything? And why am I attached to all these strange, beeping contraptions? And why was that young woman who was screaming here, calling for someone? But I'm not supposed to be here!!! I'm supposed to be dead...to be with Mother... 18

My shadow's the only one
That walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing
That's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone... 19

Well...I'm alive and well. A man in a white robe, whom the woman called Dr. Pritchard, told me that I had attempted suicide, and that I was lucky to have Maria save me. Maria...was that her name? Dr. Pritchard began rambling on about what I did, and what may have happened. I was still slightly disoriented, and so I chose I just look at Maria. She was beautiful. I got lost in her clear blue eyes until I heard Dr. Prtichard say something. I looked back at him and saw him holding a card that I've always carried around. Mother had given it to me before she killed herself. I had kept it as a memory of her. Dr. Pritchard had read the srtange symbols on it, and something inside me clicked. Jimmy Armstrong. I repeated it softly to myself, embedding it in my mind. I had a name. I had something of my very own. My own name! 20

Dr. Pritchard left, and Maria looked at me with those blue sapphire eyes. She said she lived alone, and it was quite lonely. She offered that I live with her. She wanted me to live with her...I'm going to live in a house!!! I happily agreed. So now here I am...in one of the rooms of Maria Wright's spacious house. I had tried to commit suicide exactly a year ago. Next month, Maria and I are going to get married. She's still afraid that I might try to kill myself again, but she needn't worry. I would never do that again. I know who I am, and what I want. This is who I am...21