Of Gods and Dreams

God spoke to me in a dream last night. (s)He told me that I was Punk'd. He looked alot like that 70's show guy who is banging Demi Moore. He told me that the world was a hoax being played on one or more of his chorus of angels. They seem to have their wings all in uproar about the things going on here, and it tickles him pink. I'm kind of insulted, and I tell him so.1

"I feel pretty insulted that you create this massive race of intelligent beings and give us free will and all that happy crap just to play a prank on your Angels."2

"Who said you were intelligent?"3

He had me there. I was kind of making suppositions that couldn't be supported by more than my own observations. So instead of arguing the point, I decided to make the most of this audience with God and ask him some of those "hard questions" that everyone always wants to ask.4

"Who is going to win the Super Bowl next year?"5

He grinned at me, looked around to the left and right and said "I think that Denver has a pretty good shot at it. Don't tell the Cherubim though, they'll suspect that a fix is in and try to change up the game plan. You think those cute lil guys would be nice or something. They're right dirty bastards when it comes to betting. And loansharking...forgetaboutit. "6

I glared at him incredulously. He had to be yanking my chain. Denver? What the fuck. It was time to put on some pressure.7

"What is...your favorite color?"8

"That's an easy one. Magenta. Then Periwinkle Blue."9

I couldn't help what came out next. Magenta? Periwinkle Blue? "Do you bite the pillow?"10

Thunderclouds sang out in a violent tempest of light and sound, shaking the firmament. His voice roared in anger as he shouted down to me "INSOLENCE! I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THAT!"11

I gave him a frog-eyed stare, never losing focus. If I was to survive this I would have to play it hard and fast. I looked at him, he looked at me. I saw a hint of recognition in his eyes. Something softened about his visage.12

"I'm sorry I got angry Mike. Sometimes I don't think. It just pisses me off when people ask me if I'm Gay. Why does everyone confuse my love for everyone with some homoerotic sort of passion towards men. I made women too ya know."13

"So not gay?"14

"Bi." He winked at me. 15

I was sort of speechless. Last question, i could tell my time was running out. "Are you mad at me?"16

"How could I be. You're almost amusing."17

I forgot to ask god about why my parents were dead, why the world was a mess, and how the universe worked. It didn't really seem to matter. God didn't hate me, in fact thought that I was almost amusing. From the all-seeing omnipotent Creator of all things in existence, that's a compliment.18

So the next day I wen't out and got a tattoo.19

God Loves the Cock
(but he also likes chicks). 20