"Damn it," Kaggaran thought as the keys dropped again, dangling on their hook. She couldn't quite get them to lift. They were too far away, and not magically made. Two factors that make levitation harder. What was she going to do. The sun was just above the west horizon, and if she hadn't mistaken the "Beware" signs, they had just crossed the demons' borders. And the stupid bandits just whipped her when she tried to tell them that.
The area was draining her powers. It was filled with demonic energy and spirits drifting in the torturous realm between hell and earth. They sucked the magic right out of her. Places like this, where the dead roam, weakened the good side of magic and strengthened the darker.
She suddenly had an idea, but she didn't really like it. She had studied a little black magic, the use of life force along with magical power. She knew enough that she could cast a simple spell. If she didn't do it just right, she would be drained of life. Actually even if she did do it right, she could be killed. Dark magic was fickle like that, and she was just a novice. She shuddered to think of what could go wrong.
She hoped the fact that she was in a dark realm, and it was night, that it would enhance her abilities with the necromancy. Without being able to think of anything else, she began whispering under her breath.
"Juki pu ki sikums ux sti mavat," Kaggaran began as the air around her darkened noticibly, "Sparaps ux sti sekmis, UZIN!"
Her voice reached a howling pitch as the darkness closed in on her, and her pupils seemed to expand and fill her eyes, until all there was was black.
"Ax ouy jem fier ki, pewi sti kamss ux stiti kim ems shey ki shuk stiti trentcis!!"
Her bound hands flashed a menacing assortment of darkened colors as the night filled with harrowing howls. Ethereal forms circled the cart as the men all whimpered with horror. One by one, the beings dove at the heads of the bandits, whose bodies tightened and eyes glazed over as the spirits took them over.
One of them awkwardly moved toward her and unlocked her fetters, and she fell limply to the bed of the cart. Weakened tremendously from the spell, her vision began to waver, and all she could hear was the screams of the damned. She saw one of the still ghostly forms dive towards her as her eyes began to close.
"Jaqyva," someone in the distance muttered.
"I'm dead," was Kaggaran's last thought before she passed out
Author notes
Chapter 13 is now officially up! (Finally) It's an extremely short chapter, but I'll post more soon. I promise! Well as always, tell me what you honestly think. Thanks for reading.
Ubi
Tell me what you think!
Comments
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Dang, this is getting interesting!
Okay, now I'm interested. Like I wasn't before, Lol. But you just upped the ante 500%. Toying with death makes it so much more fun and interesting! Okay, so for edits...
p2l1: "...her powers." Sounds like cliche warehouse here. Kill the word 'powers' and it'll sound less like a school newspaper fairy tale and more like the kick-butt fantasy adventure that it is.
p3l1: You need a semi-colon after the word 'magic' not a comma. I think. Or something, but it's a comma splice right now.
p4l1: Seems to be too many commas or something, it just flows funny...
Oh, and awesome neocramacy words, they're rather evil and menacing sounding. Great work, you're truly putting me to shame by posting, so keep it up and don't leave us poor readers hanging from a cliff!
-UBA-
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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This is aweosme nick! I love it so much!
You better get up chapter 14 faster then you got up 13 or I will have to royally kick your ass. Its really good. The only thing I would reccomend is that you seriously sit down and set up the language you made up. Like make an actual language, and keep using the same words. Don't just speak randomly. And don't just make a language were A=f or sutting like that. Be like Nuy means and, and write that down. Everytime you make a new word add it to a list. If you want help with that I would be glad to help. But seriously that is what makes good writers. Details.
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I know its been like 5 months since u posted this, but i just saw it. The language is real, and its not just letter to letter. so ya, good suggestions, but already done
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lol its been like forever since you replied.
I was too lazy to figure out if you did or not I was just making sure it wasn't random
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