Once upon a time, long before the coming of man, the world was a place of mystery and magic. A place where elves lived in harmony with nature and fairies frolicked in joyful wonder deep within the woodland groves; a place where majestic unicorns could be seen grazing peacefully in brightly flowered meadows. Yet.. all was soon to be lost. 1
Far across the Gangas Range in a fertile valley called Mesopotamia, a new creature was making its way into the open; a creature blind to the wonders of life; a creature bent on the domination of the world, a creature who would give it the curious name… civilization. 2
It is here that the end... begins.3
A young Prince, lost deep within the forest, suffering from the lack of food and water, saw, in the dim light, a flickering of something small moving quickly between the trees. Curious, despite his weakness, he begins to follow it. Soon it leads him to a beautiful glade. There, deep amongst the trees, was a calm, spring fed pond. Gratefully he enters the glade and drinks his fill. Then as night falls fairies come out to play, their brightly colored wings flickering gracefully in the moon light while their bell like laughter fills the silence. In wonder and awe he watches them long into the night. 4
One by one, the fairies, overcoming their natural shyness, come over and give him quick feathery kisses before flying off again. He can’t help but laugh at their cute play, which only makes the fairies more playful. Finally, overcome by fatigue, he can’t help but drift off to sleep. His mind and dreams filled with wonder as he sleeps peacefully. 5
Awakening late in the day, he opens his eyes. Finding the glade empty, except for a lone, beautiful white beast, baring a long golden horn. It’s lying on the moss covered ground silently watching him. Not wanting to frighten the creature he moves slowly to the mineral rich pond, washing his face and takes a drink. Turning back once more, he sees amongst the branches of a nearby tree, one of the small woodland fairies beckoning him to follow. Happily he does.6
For several days he follows the fairy while the unicorn follows close behind. Each night they stop at another glade where the magic and mystery of the forest continues. Often during their travels they come across large beasts he new would normally attack a lone man. But, strangely they stay away only giving him a curious glance in passing.7
By the end of the third day he realizes he is once again in the area where he had gotten lost. Knowing now where he was, he hastens ahead to return to his castle and home. Looking forward to sharing these new wonders with his family and friends8
Realizing his companions are not following, he quickly turns smiles and waves, now happy and thankful. The little fairy rushes out from the forest edge, kisses him again and then flies back giggling delightfully. While the unicorn just looks on serenely.9
More than a week had passed since the young Prince disappeared. Now at the castle gates the boy is welcomed by a joyful King who had feared the worse for his wayward and willful son. The young boy, though a little thinner, looked happy and even exuberant as he bounced around shouting and gesturing about little fairies and strange beasts. His father just laughed good naturedly as he led the boy inside. Not for once believing a word of it, just happy that he returned unharmed.10
Late that night the little fairy returned and sat upon his windowsill watching the young boy as he slept. She found his tossing and turning disturbing. So, sighing she flew over and sprinkled a little fairy dust in his hair. The boy’s mind filled instantly with the image of a beautiful young maiden with gossamer opalescent wings dancing in the moonlight. Satisfied the boy now slept peacefully and was thinking of her she flew off again to the forest she loved. Hoping the boy would, someday soon, return. 11
Yet it would be many years before the child became a man and was able to travel where he willed, though often at night during that time, he would stay up late gazing out his window, daydreaming of that wonderful time. No longer did his memory hold the image of a little mischievous fairy but rather that of a beautiful forest Princess; one he hoped someday to marry. So, as soon as he became of age he began searching the forest for his love. 12
In all those years the forest hadn’t changed nor had the little fairies with their fun loving and mischievous natures. So it wasn’t long after the Prince and his party entered the forest before the brightly colored fairies made themselves known.
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Nicely Done
wood land two words or one?
Good sense of dread with the last sentence of paragraph 1. Makes the reader want to keep reading.
Maybe too much 'flickering' in 4.
moon light. One word.
'washing his face and takes a drink.' Using 'and' here as a conjuction that joins a verb and a participle phrase. Many ways to fix, but as it is, it's a little awkward.
Story is good. Good sense of vulnerability in the Prince as he is lost in the forest. Seems like an intro to something more? Would work well as both.
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 2, characters: 3.
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Thank you
I do have a tendency to over use a word now and then. I appreciate you bringing that to my attention.
You are right, it is the intro to a very sad story of heartbreak and greed. It just breaks my heart to have to write it. As you know, mankind can be insensitive and cruel.
I agree with your comments and will edit the places you mentioned.
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Different
This is a very interesting piece. It flows very well, and has a very nice theme. Honestly made me smile. I like the descriptions of the forest and the faries and even the boy. It's all very....well enchanting. I don't that I have any critique for it. I got too caught up in the story to notice. Overall a very nice piece.

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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FAERIES!!!!!
YOU HAVE FAERIES IN IT!!!! YOU ARE MY HERO FOR LIKE EVER!!! I LOVE IT AND YOU NEED TO WRITE MORE MUCH MORE!!! WRITE!! WRITE NOW!!!! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.




