My Mind Away From Me Pt. 3

So, some of my prayers have come true and others still wait. Am I the only good bf this girl will ever have. I hope not, but im not surprised. Shes a weak indivual and clings to everyone and everything around her. Surprise its her nature being a vampire. Why do I do this. Why do I refuse to move on. I need to, this isn't cute, it isn't funny, it isn't a game, this is me. I know i dont need her to live, i know i deserve better but i am a man of no patience and less stability from this.Im back where i was 3-4 weeks ago except now shes doesn't seem to give a shit at all, just do more drugs, keep being a whore, and ruin the beauty that was you.1

This is fucked up, i want it over with. Would that make her care. What would make her see me nowadays. I want to die, i want to stop crying and hoping and loving wot has become a brick wall. I help her as ive always done, yet she sleeps with some idiot. I stop her from killing herself and yet i get treated like leftover vegetables. I am afraid that if i scare her with my own death, that unlike me she will just run away. That seems to be her approach to everything these days, oh its too tough, lets go fuck a friend to make me feel better. Part of me wants her to suffer but i could never bear her suffering. I can hardly bear living without her. Fuck someone kill me, make it painless. Make it quick, i dont want to hurt over a person that cant love me like i love her. I knew she was going to fail, i knew it the moment i left, but i didn't know how bad or how far she would fall. Shes lost everything, when she was with me, she had a very bright future, now theres nothing but pain on both ends and a dull numbness. I think ill write her mom, but idk.2