Once upon a time there was an Angel who found her way to Hell. She walked past the Forbidden Gates. Next to the gate was a gremlin, or a servant. The Angel looked down and asked, "Where should I go?" The gremlin looked at her and pointed down. So the Angel walked down a path. Soon she saw many souls coming up to her and begging to take them to Heaven with her. She pushed them off, but she learned of the misery in Hell. Soon she spotted a boat with a hooded figure. The River Styx. The Angel got aboard and the figure took her down. Later, the river began to turn to blood and bubbles came from the watery gore. Landing she watching the suicides get eaten alive by the perched harpies in the nearby woods. She looked away from the horrid sight just to see the wounded crawling back into the river to heal their wounds. Begging God to save them from their fate, she went on. Deeper and deeper the air became frigid. The ground frosted and froze over. Bodies of the traitors were scattered, frozen in a block of ice. All was dark. Lucifer sitting on his throne told the Angel to go back up, and away from this horrid place where she did not belong. As she arose from the Gates she emerged with a sense of despair. And yet happy to be away from the frozen Hell.1
Author notes
I wrote this for class in American Lit last year. It was suposed to only be one page and this was all that I could fit. We were doing a poetry unit but I decided to make a story instead. I forgot what it was called but it's something. I'm sorry if it's too short for you.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I think you could have done a lot to this. You still could if you really wanted to. You need to restructure your paragraphs and do some editing but the description overall is well done.
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Great Detail
You have a real skill with descriptions and detail
I enjoyed reading this
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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....Intresting. Thats about all I can say...Its....Odd. But keep writing!
~Aurora



