Never Too Late - Chapter 12.

I kicked away the underbrush, pulled branches away from my face, and slowly made my way to the river behind the cemetery. When I got to the clearing along the rivers edge, I had a few scratches on my arms and some dirt on my pants, but nothing could bring me down. I was about to see Dylan, and my hands were shaking with anticipation. I had never been one prone to anxiety or nerves, but Dylan… Dylan was different.1

I glanced up the river and down, spotting Dylan on a boulder not too far away. He had one knee drawn up, his elbow resting on it, as he stared hard into the rushing water below. He had his hair pulled back in a stub of a ponytail, with wisps falling into his eyes. And he was completely absorbed in his thoughts.2

I didn’t speak, just quietly walked towards him, stepping carefully on the loose pebbles. Even when I was within a few feet of him, he didn’t notice. II stopped just out of his line of vision, crossed my arms, and rubbed the palms of my hands against them, warding off the chill of an early fall. I softly spoke so as not to startle him, “Dylan.”3

He turned his head quickly towards me, but didn’t jump or flinch, and his smile was instantaneous. “Maddie, you came,” he held his hand out to me and I took it, smiling in return.4

Dylan pulled me up onto the boulder beside him and nearly into his lap, his arm wrapping around my waist and keeping me close. I smiled and tugged at a lock of hair that had fallen out of his ponytail, “I’m not too late, am I?”5

“Never,” he grinned and leaned forward and we kissed.6

When we came up for air a few minutes later, Dylan tucked the hair behind my ears, not breaking eye contact, and watched me with the sweetest smile on his lips. “So, is it safe to assume you picked me?”7

I nodded and placed the palm of my hand against his cheek, brushing my thumb over his bottom lip. “You’ll never believe what happened with Andy. I went over to talk to him, only to catch him with Ivy Stone’s tongue down his throat,” I laughed, my eyes on Dylan’s mouth. As I watched, his lips thinned and his jaw tightened.8

“So, you didn’t pick me. Andy just didn’t pick you.” He pulled away from my hand and held my wrist tightly in the circle of his fingers.9

My mouth dropped and my brow furrowed and I quickly reached up with my free hand to hold his. “Oh, Dylan, no. Let me finish.”10

He released my wrist and let me thread my fingers through his before giving me the slightest nod. “After Andrew sent Ivy home, we talked. He told me that he had never really been in love with me. He was just trying to protect me from Jeremy because he didn’t think I was protecting myself well enough. The only love Andy feels for me is as a friend. And that’s mutual.” I squeezed Dylan’s hand for emphasis, and rubbed my thumb across his knuckles.11

“But still… you didn’t pick me. Andy took away your other option and I was what was left.” Dylan pulled free of my hold and slid off the rock, narrowly missing the river and ruining his shoes. He stalked a few feet away, and then back, with agitation.12

“Dylan, please, it’s not like that. Even if Andy had loved me, I don’t think I could have said yes. What I feel when I’m with you is so… incredible. So different and so sweet and so completely what I want. Andy has always been Andy. Just Andy. But you - Dylan, you’ve been so much more. Even when I was little and nothing more than your little sister’s best friend, I thought the world of you. You were such a hero to me. And now that we’re older, even after all this time and all these changes… you’re still a hero, you’re still the world to me.13

“And I know it’s crazy. We hardly know each other, you’ve been gone for years and you’ve only been back a matter of days. It’s not something I can explain, but it’s there, in the back of my mind. It’s always there. No matter what I’m doing or who I’m with, you are always in the back of my mind. And I have never had that with anyone before. Not with Andy, not with Jeremy, not with anybody but you.” I folded my hands in my lap and watched Dylan with stricken eyes.14

What was it about boys that insisted they make everything so difficult?15

When Dylan didn’t say anything, just continued to stalk back and forth, avoiding my gaze, I spoke up, softly, again, “Dylan, there is no way for me to prove to you that I would’ve picked you. I didn’t choose for Andy to act that way, and I don’t appreciate his actions, either. But I can’t prove it. And I shouldn’t have to. You just have to trust me in this. I want you, Dylan. Only you. There isn’t anybody else, and I can tell you, without a single doubt in my heart, that I want you in a way I have never wanted anyone else. So please, Dylan, believe me. Believe me.” On the last note I reached over as he stalked near, and grabbed his arm before he could stalk away, “Please, believe me.”16

Dylan slowly met my gaze and took in the plea in my eyes. His eyes soften, his lips relaxed and released the captive scowl, his shoulders sagged, and he sighed. “How could I ever say no to you?” His smile was slow and broad and gorgeous.17

My own smile was shaky and hesitant, but it was there, and before I could breathe a sigh of relief, Dylan had pulled me off the boulder and into his arms. He held me close and held me tight, whispering nonsense into my ears, as we absorbed each other’s strength. He didn’t tell me he loved me, and I didn’t say it to him. It would’ve ruined the moment.18

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When I got home, I went straight up to my bedroom, opened my window and threw myself onto my bed. It was very late by now and I was exhausted after having spent the day in Dylan‘s arms and Dylan‘s heart, but before I could crash into a dream-soaked sleep, I heard some voices coming from next door - from Andy’s back porch. One voice was raised, the other was muted, but had an undercurrent of urgency and adamancy.

rolled off my bed and onto my knees on the floor, before crawling over to the window. I had never turned on my bedroom light, so I didn’t have to worry about being seen, being caught eavesdropping. But before I could even begin to worry about anything, one particularly angry voice broke through my thoughts.20

“Andy, what the hell is wrong with you? How could you lie to her?”21

And the softer, more adamant voice broke in, “Jenna, I was just doing what you told me to.”22

“No. No you weren’t. I told you to do what was best for Maddie and you. And you. This is not what’s best for you. You are a heartbroken mess and Maddie is what? Half-in-love with Dylan.”23

I was stunned, to say the least. Jenna and Andy… were talking about me… and Andy lied… and Jenna was mad… and what the hell?!24

“Stop yelling, Jenna! It’s not necessary. I can hear you just fine when you speak in a normal voice.”25

“How am I supposed to speak calmly when I am not anywhere close to being calm? How do you expect me to be calm when one of my best friends is killing himself because my other best friend is too blind to see the truth?”26

I shifted to the other side of the window and they came into view. Andy was sitting in a lawn chair, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together. Jenna was up and pacing back and forth, from one edge of the deck to the other. She was gesturing wildly, as was her habit, and her hair was falling out of it’s braid with each frantic movement.27

“Jenna. Sit down and shut up. Please. Let me talk for a minute.”28

Jenna let out a frustrated, muted scream, picked up a barbeque fork and drove it into the railing to where it couldn’t be wrenched out. She sat down in a heap on the porch steps and rested her head back against the railing. “What?”29

“I told Maddie that I wasn’t in love with her because it was for the best. Do I love her? With all my heart. Am I in love with her? Absolutely. But she is not in love with me. I know she loves me, though, and that has to be enough. I don’t want her trying to fall in love with me just because I’ve fallen in love with her. Maddie is loyal to a fault and if she knew I really did love her… she would try so hard to love me in return, the same way. But I don’t want her to try. I want her to fall in love by her own free will. I want her to fall in love without influence. I want her to fall in love by choice, not by design, not by guilt, not by what she thinks is supposed to happen or is the right thing to happen.30

“If Maddie knew she was breaking my heart, she would do everything in her power to stop it from happening. Including telling herself she was in love with me. She would do exactly what I told her I did. She would talk herself into it until she believed it and I would be so foolishly eager that I would believe she truly did… and then she’d meet the one she was meant to fall in love with, and he wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t be able to handle that… having the whole world in the palm of my hand, only to have it wrenched away by fate.31

“And even if her Mr. Wonderful never came along… I’d always wonder. I’d wonder whether or not she truly did love me. I’d wonder whether she’d talked herself into it or not. I’d wonder if everything that happened between us was real. And I can’t handle that. I can’t handle wondering. My heart aches enough, I can’t take a chance like that on Maddie… not knowing what I know.” Jenna had gotten up and crawled over Andy, resting a hand on his knee and looking up at him with such sympathy that even I could see it shining in her eyes from dozens of feet away.32

“Andy…” Jenna started, but I couldn’t listen. Not after hearing what I had just heard.33

What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to feel? What was going to happen?34

And I was lost. I couldn’t talk to Andy about what to do, I couldn’t talk to Jenna about what to do, and talking to Dylan would jeopardize everything between us. For the first time in my life, I was alone. I had no help and I had no hope for help. I was on my own.35

And it scared the shit out of me.
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