I found him sitting by the water's edge, his head buried to his knees, arm's folded as if embracing his sorrow. I had seen him before the wave thundered in, he had been helping his father with nets on a fishing boat. While I swam and revelled in the glorious Thai sun, he had been hard at work.1
It had been peaceful then, the tide lapping at the shore, children playing in the shallows. It was gone now. No children played, no fishing boats could be seen yet the ocean belied it's early fury. It now lay flat like glass.2
I wondered what his life had been like. I imagined a young man desperate to become an adult and aid his Father on the boat. Feeling as though he contributed to the family's livelihood. I could picture him playing with his brothers'. Kicking a ball and laughing, splashing each other while his Mother swept out their tiny house in the village. He would have been no more than sixteen yet a man by his own admission.3
That was a lifetime ago; he raised his eyes towards the ocean and stared blankly out to sea. He would be seeing the wave. The torrent of brown and angry water as it streamed towards shore with a deafening noise. He would also be hearing the screams of anguish and fear that came from his brothers as they were swept away from him. The sound of his Mother's voice calling him then fading into the commotion that was the Tsunami.
I could picture the desolation as he wandered all through the night, searching for a familiar face or landmark yet finding none.4
He was all alone this morning as I approached him with a fresh and cool bottle of water. He showed not a glimmer of response as I bent low to offer him a drink. His dark eyes were trapped in a web of torment that not even I could unravel.5
I walked on, straining to find more of the living yet I turned once more to look at this boy and found him staring back at me with a quiet smile on his face. Yes there was recognition and somewhere deep within there was something stronger that drew his eyes to mine.6
It was hope.7
Author notes
I saw a picture of this young boy sitting on the beach the morning after the Tsunami and my heart weent out to him. Just had to write it down.
A contest entry
- Unbareable Depression by tearsofsadness.
1350 points, ended June 21, 2006, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Very touching. I felt I could picture all of it.
And the main character [you?] turning for the last look at a survival before continuing the search.
Such sadness yes mixed with hope.
Inspirational indeed!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Touching!
Great job as always. I love your descriptive power, pulls the image right up. Keep it up!beginning: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, characters: 5.
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Hmm
This is a very inspirational story that shows the the sadness that many had to face in the Tsunami. I wrote a story about the Indonesian shark fishing from a sharks point of view. This is a touching stoy.beginning: 2, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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it's early fury. (i think you mean earlier fury)
this piece is amazing i love it well done strong and meaningful.beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I'm sorry I shouldn't have it should say. Maybe that was the way you wanted it to say. It's hard to say things on the computer because there are no facial expression. I hope there is no hard feelings. But I really did think this was a great piece and it can from the heart.
~Syren~ -
WOW this is such an amazing story! I feel so sorry for Indonisia, first the tsunami, the earthquakes, now a valcano warning. But it is such a beautiful place usually...I really love this, the way you wrote it...so depressing, yet with a glimmer of hope! Well, good luck in the contest...I just noticed everyone I know is entering!!!
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It was just amazing! the way you used words to describe every single detail in your story, the way you describe the young man's life, and position was truly outstanding! I could REALLY feel the young mans pain... the way your narattor narrate the story was giving me that feeling, i was also there, and i really like it! your introduction was great, as well as your ending...
..all i could say was GREAT JOB!!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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this was written in a really pretty, almost wistful way. I liked the descriptions of the boy a lot, I could picture it well. sometimes things like that happen, you see someone and they make an impression you have to write about and analyze. great job!
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Terrifyingly beautiful
I was amazed at all the description you used. I could see the boy helping his father and the brothers playing. I could see the terrified look on the mothers face as she yelled for him. My heart broke as you told of him being alone on the beach. Were you there to help with the aftermath? Is that how you got all of the insight you did into the devestation of the tsunami? I commend you on being able to relive this for your reading audience. It is like you brought the situation to reality for those of us who did not fullt realize the enormity of the actual impact. Thank you. This was an amazing piece.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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In the first sentence should it not say "his head buried in his knees,"? You have "to" instead of "in".
Great imagery in paragraph four.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 3.
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