Rayne looked away from the TV to stare into his beautiful blue eyes. He turned to look at her and smiled which she returned. "We should've died a long time ago you and I." Legato said. Trigun was playing. One of the saddest episodes for Rayne. Her favorite character was going to die. Closing her eyes for just a moment she rested her head on his shoulder. He then held her tightly in his arms. She loved it when he held her. She knew she was safe from all that might possibly hurt her. Nothing could happen.1
Tears formed in her eyes as the gunshot rang out and Legatos body fell to the ground. Blacking out he looked at her to check. The doorbell woke her up. He told her to go somewhere. Rayne nodded and headed towards his sisters room but staying in the shadows of the hallway. Sneakly she looked to see who was at the door. It was Her. What was she doing here? What did she want? Rayne stared hopelessly as he led her to the couch where they began to watch the next episode. Quickly she hid back in the dark shadows. Get away from him! She screamed in her own mind.2
"Hunter..." She began. "Do you know how much I love you and how much i want to be with you?" Silence. She grinned and started to kiss him. He made no move to stop her. Rayne looked again in horror trembling in her eyes. Please... no... stop... STOP!!!! Rayne screamed out again. No one could hear her. It was like she wasnt even there anymore. He began to hold her and play with her hair. Tears fell like streams down Raynes face. Why...3
She looked away from him. "Ah Trigun. When did you get this?"4
"Rayne dropped it by."5
"Is she still here?"6
He didnt even have to answer. Rayne stood up and walked from the shadows. "I saw everything..." Looking surprised he looked from Her to Rayne. Once again he tried to speak. Rayne didnt let him. "I was wrong. And it doesnt matter now anymore." Rayne glared and Her. She just smiled.7
"Rayne... I..."8
"No... its okay... it's no matter anymore."9
She turned her back to him and kisses him. This time he pushes her back and stands facing Rayne. "Don't."10
Rayne quickly turns back and grabs a sharp knife. "Don't worry. I wont stop you two next time." Without blinking Rayne slits her wrist. Blood drips to the ground. Her laughter rings out. Rayne cringes and shakily takes the knife in her left hand. He rushes to her and struggles for Rayne to let it go. While he does his own wrist is slit.11
"Rayne..."12
Tears flow heavily from Rayne's eyes again as things begin to grow dark. He falls to the ground and she soon follows resting her head on his chest. "I love you Hunter..."13
Silence. Then faintly "And I love you." Darkness. Death.14
Her laughter quickly ended. Not even crying she runs out of his home and never returns.15
Author notes
I wrote this about a summer ago. Then he cheated on me last fall with some other chick. Eh... I don't feel depressed anymore, but I thought I would give this contest a shot.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Good job a tad confusing but otherwise all good
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"Rayne looked away from the TV to stare into his beautiful blue eyes. He turned to look at her and smiled which she returned. "
Slightly confused, she is turning to look into his eyes shouldn't he already be looking at her then?
"Trigun was playing"
That is very confusing. Who is Trigun why is he all the sudden there? What is he playing?
"One of the saddest episodes for Rayne. " is a fragment might want to work on it a bit.
Sneakly should be Sneakily
Okay this whole piece was confusing to me. The errors and fragmented sentences made it very hard to read. I listed a few but there was more. It seems to have a good basic concept but I could barely understand or follow it.
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Oh, Trigun is an anime. I know it's not very good. I wrote it amore than a year ago. So of course i've improved somewhat. If you want something better then read Vermillion Nights it's the past story of my favorite characters that i've created.
Yakhana
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Hmm.... at first I was confused because of the names, I was confused whethe Rayne was a girl or a boy but later on the story understood it. Your characters isn't very well described but the actions of the characters were nice
...The plot, and the setting was nice. The ending was a classic. Great Job!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Intresting....It was a bit confusing...ok make that a LOT. I only got that there were some characters, one was appreantly cheating on the other, so she killed her self...but thats about it. Well, anyways good luck in the contest! (All my friends are entering, and it was made by my friend, thats not right)
~Aurora
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