Galacticly challenged

Kristy Belldonna woke up one typical morning in South Carolina. It was hot and muggy as it typically was near the swamps.1

She jumped out of bed excitedly her emerald green eyes flashing in the morning sun.2

Today she was going to meet her secret admirer in the nearby swamp. She had no idea who it was but in his letters she was certain he would be absolutely cute!3

Kristy took her time choosing her clothes so that she would look her best. Not that I don't always look my best, she thought grinning at her reflection in the mirror.4

Kristy was twenty-four years old, had perfect, lustrous black hair, a slim athletic build, independently wealthy, and had a secret talent.5

She was the only person to know about it since her mother and father died two years ago. Not even her closest friends knew about her thrilling secret.6

Kristy satisfied she looked stunning enough to shock an alligator into submission she glided down the stairs of her three-story home and out the door.7

The swamp wasn't too far. The mosquitoes kept away from Kristy as she walked through their massive swarming cloud. 8

She had been walking through the swamp paths for a half hour looking for this mysterious person who had been sending her the most romantic love letters she had ever received, and that was saying a lot since she was given many in her adult life.9

There was a flash of blinding light out of nowhere and Kristy fell to the wet ground unconscious.10

~~~11

Jabba the Hutt eagerly awaited his bounty hunter's return. Jabba had sent Bossk the Trandoshan to find him a new dancing girl. The one he had previously had a bad run in with the Rancor.12

Bib Fortuna had told Jabba that Bossk’s ship the Hound’s tooth had just arrived in the Mos Espa space port and was on his way here directly. He said that Jabba would be pleased with the prize Bossk captured.13

There was a loud noise from out of Jabba's throne room. It sounded like a woman's angry voice arguing with a harsh Trandoshan's voice.14

"Why am I here?!" Came the woman's voice closer now.15

"You will find out soon enough," Bossk said as he dragged a captivating human female into the throne room.16

Jabba spoke in his booming voice "Chowbaso murishani Bossk."(Welcome Bounty Hunter Bossk)17

Bossk bowed to Jabba and spoke "I have brought you a new dancing girl Lord Jabba. Is she pleasing to you?"18

Jabba looked again at the human woman glaring up at him. "Tagwa." (Yes) then he called for his translating droid.
Through the translator Jabba addressed the woman. "What is you name most beautiful slave girl?"19

Shocked and offended by being called a slave, Kristy let out a string of words that the translator declined to translate, mostly because they were in French and it wasn't a known language to them, but the meaning was clear enough.20

Bossk slapped Kristy across the face and said in a harsh whisper "Do not address Jabba in that way unless you wish to die. Tell him your name!"21

Reluctantly Kristy gave her name.22

Jabba nodded to one of his Gamorrean guards. It walked forward and placed a slave collar around Kristy's neck.
"Send her backstage to the rest of the slave girls to change into her new clothes."23

Kristy dragged her feet and screamed all the way there till she was slapped in the face again by a human guard who whispered, "Do you want to die? Then don't make trouble for yourself."24

The other slave girls tried to comfort Kristy and give her advice on what to expect for being Jabba's new girl.25

This didn't help Kristy at all; she was almost ready to cry when there was a loud noise from outside. The guard who had talked to her earlier burst into the room. "The Imperials are attacking the palace!"26

From the looks on the other slave girls faces this was not usual. Some looked excited and other's afraid.27

"Why are they attacking us?" Oola, a twil'lek, asked scared.28

The guard shrugged, "I don't know." Someone outside called to the guard and he left charging his blaster.29

~~~30

Grand Admiral Thrawn waited patiently for his men to return from the raid on Jabba's palace.31

He decided it would be fun for the stormtroopers to get some 'fresh air', and so he ordered a raiding party on the palace.32

"Sir," a lower ranking officer spoke.33

"What is it?" demanded the blue-skinned Chiss Admiral34

"The raiding party is back and have something you may wish to see." the subordinate reported.35

Thrawn thought for a second before replying, "Tell them to bring it to the bridge then."36

A few minutes later the stormtroopers arrived with Kristy in tow. She was still using her extensive French vocabulary as they led her in front of Admiral Thrawn.
Suddenly Kristy was silent and stared in wonder at the blue-skinned Admiral.37

Thrawn gave a slight bow to Kristy. "Welcome aboard the Devastator Miss. I am Grand Admiral Thrawn of the Imperial navy."38

Kristy was slightly shocked that anybody in this weird place had manners. "Thank you Admiral, I'm Kristy Belldonna."39

"A pleasure to meet you Miss Belldonna. If you don't mind my asking, why were you at Jabba's palace?"40

"That scaly Bossk creep said I was supposed to be Jabba's new dancing girl," Kristy said without thinking. She was starting to think the Admiral was attractive.41

"The bounty hunter Bossk?" Thrawn asked thoughtfully. 42

"Where do you come from Miss Belldonna?"43

"From Earth, Duh!" Kristy said rolling her eyes.44

This was not the first time Thrawn heard of the planet known as Earth. Two days ago a man, who was rather drunk, by the name of Captain Jack Sparrow found himself on the Admiral's ship through unusual circumstances. "Would you happen to know a man called Jack Sparrow, Miss Belldonna?"45

Kristy eyed Thrawn like he was crazy. "Yes. But he doesn't exist…in fact none of this should exist!" By now Kristy was fed up with the speed of events and the unreality of it all.46

Thrawn sighed. "Give Miss Belldonna a room please." He said to a near-by trooper. "Miss Belldonna, I would be honored if you would join me for dinner this evening. You will also get to meet Mr. Sparrow and see that he is indeed real as is all of this. I know that you must have had a very trying time so I would suggest you get some rest. You will feel better afterwards. I will send someone to your room to escort you to dinner."47

As if on signal the stormtrooper led her away from the bridge.48

~~~49

Captain Jack Sparrow had no clue as to where he was. He wandered aimlessly down the halls of the Star destroyer in a daze. 'This is why I drink' he thought to himself as he stumbled past another white armored covered person escorting a beautiful woman.50

Now that's interesting, Jack thought and then sighed. That's why I shouldn't drink.51

Jack wandered back to his room and sat down on his bed heavily. There was a knock on his door.52

"It's open," he groaned wishing for the hundredth time that he had rum.53

Admiral Thrawn walked in but Jack stayed lying down on the bed staring up at the ceiling.54

"I thought you might join me and a new guest for dinner tonight Mr. Sparrow." Thrawn said with out preamble. "She's from Earth, like you are, but she does not exactly believe this is real..." He paused for a minute. "She doesn't think you are real either."55

"But she has heard of me?" Jack asked raising his head to look at the strange colored person.56

"It would appear so. Interested?"57

Jack dropped his head back down. "Sure, why not?" Jack replied noncommittally.58

"I'll see you at dinner then Mr. Sparrow. Someone will be here to show you where it is." Thrawn turned to leave.59

"Son," Jack spoke up, "I'm CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, savvy?"60

Thrawn rolled his glowing red eyes and said, "Please wear something appropriate to dinner." and strolled out of the room.
~~~61

"Come in" Kristy said three hours later when there was a knock on her door.62

A young officer entered blushing. "Um, miss..." He trailed off trying not to stare at her.63

Kristy had on a new dress which she had created out of her imagination. In addition to being able to create clothes, Kristy could move things with her mind.
She was wearing a sapphire blue, backless dress that emphasized her emerald eyes and looked more stunning now then she had a few hours ago, if that was at all possible.64

"Well?" She said looking expectantly him.65

The officer remembered what he was here for and said, "I'm to show you to dinner Miss."66

"Lead on then kid." Kristy said ignoring the drooling stare she was receiving.67

The officer led Kristy down a turbolift and three hallways before reaching their destination.68

The officer opened the door and followed Kristy in.
It was a small place devoid of any decorations. White, black and grey seemed to be the color scheme of the entire ship.69

Admiral Thrawn was already there. On another side of the table was a man with tanned skin with dark hair in dreadlocks and old clothing.70

Thrawn stood up and bowed to Kristy. "Welcome Miss Belldonna. This is Captain Jack Sparrow." He gestured to the man across from him.71

The young officer pulled out a chair between the two men for Kristy to sit in.72

Once seated, Kristy looked at Jack Sparrow. He did look like the guy from the movie except that this man wasn't wearing any makeup.73

"I'm sure you're very hungry Miss Belldonna so please eat."74

Kristy looked at the food in front of her. It was unrecognizable. "What is this?" She asked trying to sound polite.75

"Food," Jack grunted after he swallowed what he had been chewing.76

"If I told you, Miss Belldonna, you wouldn't know what it was. It is not unhealthy for humans to eat so please do not worry."77

Kristy finally decided to try the strange food. She was surprised that the food tasted good.78

"Wow. This is pretty tasty. What is it?"79

"Corellian nerf steak." Thrawn replied.80

"What?" Kristy asked confused.81

"Never mind, how did you come by your new clothes?"
Thrawn asked. He had noticed when she walked in but figured he would wait a bit before bringing it up.82

Kristy blushed. "I made it."83

"With what?"84

"I, um, er." Kristy didn't know what to say. She never had to explain about her powers before to anyone, except her mom.85

"Well?" Thrawn asked patiently.86

Jack looked from the Chiss to the woman. He had been wondering the same thing earlier but shrugged it off.
"I...made it out of thin air."87

Thrawn looked skeptical, quite a feat for a Chiss.
Blushing redder Kristy explained about her unique abilities.88

"So you're a witch then?" Jack Sparrow spoke up for the first time.89

"NO!" Kristy protested. "I can't do spells or that type of stuff. I...I don't know. It just happens when I tell it to."90

Thrawn sighed and leaned back in his chair. "It would appear that you have the Force that Darth Vader and the Emperor talk about in you."91

Kristy looked at Thrawn warily, "Darth Vader as in Star Wars Darth Vader?"92

"What in the name of the Emperor is 'Star Wars'?" Thrawn asked.93

Kristy wildly gestured around her, "All this is Star Wars! You, Darth Vader, the Emperor, is all Star Wars!"94

Then she pointed at Jack Sparrow, "I don't know how you got here but you don't belong in Star Wars! I know at least that much. Arg! Why couldn't this have happened to my ex-boyfriend instead of me! Now I really wish I paid more attention to his ramblings!"95

Thrawn waited patiently for Kristy to finish and Jack downed his glass of Corellian ale.96

"More of this stuff by any chance?" Jack asked over Kristy’s ranting.97

Thrawn nodded and handed Jack the bottle after refilling his own glass.98

Jack finished two glasses of Corellian ale and interrupted Kristy, "So what do you want us to do about it love?" Kristy quieted and looked at Jack.99

"Welcome to the galaxy."100


Epilogue:
Kristy Belldonna never got back to earth. She never really got used to the galaxy either. She often referred to herself as 'Galactically challenged'.101

A year later Thrawn was sent out to recruit the Chiss for the empire taking Kristy and Jack with him. The Emperor never found out about Kristy because she really wasn’t Force sensitive.102

After a year in Chiss space, Jack Sparrow became the captain of a Star Destroyer in Thrawn's fleet. He also became the most sober person through Kristy's care.
Thrawn married Kristy who had inevitably fallen in love with the Chiss Admiral. And they lived…well as normally as one can live in a galaxy full of unearthly things.103