As red and purple clashed inside the Dantooine Acadamy. I looked up at my "foe". Tall and slender. This was my Acadamy. The Sith need this for our apprentices. Nothing was going to stop me now. Nothing. Red and purple clashed again. "Give it up Jedi. You can't win."1
"I wont give up. The Sith will fall again!" 2
"Pathetic Jedi. You cannot even love! You have no power, no strength!" I cried out. My double bladed saber dropped to the ground. I didn't even have it in me to kill him. He was perfect. A whole fleet of Sith were behind me. Even if he did bring me down he would not survive. "Tear me down Jedi. You wont be living long. If you are the last like you say you are. Come with me and I will grant you a life." 3
His blade disappeared into the hilt. "I would rather die than to become a Sith." He walked off. Or at least, began to.4
Getting back to my feet I cried after him. "Please! It's your life! Just come with me." He turned around and faced me. Gracing me with his beautiful features. "I am the last Sith. You are the last Jedi. There is no hope. I came to test you. I need your help." 5
Her eyes spoke truth. She is the last. "I'm listening."6
"Come with me. Stay as you are. We can teach. A new code will be born. The final balance will begin." I offered him my hand. Begging inside my head for him to take it. 7
"Jedi will bring balance." He takes her hand. I led him to her ship. "I trust you that this will happen."8
As I showed him my room. "The Acadamy is overrun at night. This is the only place to stay. If we stay here at Dantooine others will follow. For now rest. I will be in my own room." I did not want to turn away. I've never seen him smile. But I knew it would be beautiful. I fought the urge so hard though I found myself walking away. As I lied down for the night I realized something. "I fell in love with this Jedi..." My dreams began to sweep through my mind. His smile... made me smile. I haven't smiled in so long... "Thank you Jedi..."9
Author notes
Just off the top of my head. Don't ask. I know it's shorter than my other Star Wars story. This is going to be more of a love story between the Jedi and the Sith. If you have anything to add or to say please give me ideas!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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To me it feels as if its too short. You said many things in which you could have expanded on and did not. You should. you should also tell me what the characters looked like. describe the place they were in. I also want to feel the feelings that the sith had as she fell in love with the jedi. If you add these things, your story will become wuch better. Are you going to write more? I like this, this is diffent and intersting. Please write more
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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The only thing that has me stuck is the three different characters you seem to have here: "he," "her," and "I." I'm not exactly sure who is who.
Other than that, it's a nice short-'n'-sweet :-) 'Twould be a good idea to build on a little bit at a time, just whenever you have a random idea to throw in, like how I'm doing with the Starlight series.
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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