His House has Voices

I knocked on the door.

No answer.

knock
knock

no answer

i pace a little side to side & i'm getting a little frustrated as it turns 2:30 PM.

he's late. again.
"PATRICK! COME ON! GEEEZ!" I scream into the closed door.
his mom walks up to the door, gives me the finger, & leaves.

his mom & i have the best relationship. We are the best of friends. I hate that damn woman.

I sigh & walk slowly away. I watch the un-mowed grass inch closer & closer to the ends of the rip on my jeans. The wind is blowing unusually harder than usual today, and the sun accompanied it today on one of the most horrible days of the month.

it's Patrick & i's 7 months today.

Patrick & i have dated a grand total of 50 billion times. No matter how hard he tries to piss me off.. i always seem to come back. I hate that about him.

We are two completely different people. I am a more depressed artist that looks as if she just fell out of a trashcan, & he's a technological genius that looks as if he is dressed up for a wedding every freaking day.

I hate hate hate him.

"Satie.. Satie baby come back." I hear his sweet whisper voice echo through my whole entire body. His fingertips glide down my sweater like a pulsing vein.

"Hi hunny. How are you?" I say as sweet as I can.

He looks at me with those piercing green eyes he has as if to say, "Why are you being like this? I know you're hiding something."

"I'm fine.. but, how are you? Are you okay? You look cold, sweety. Come here, give me a hug." He says sweetly.

"I .. can't. No. Stop." I say.

He gives me a weird, confused look. He stares at the ground for a few seconds and i noticed the appearance of a tiny clear dot turning into a stream across his cheek.

"No, Patrick. I can't go on like this. I'm leaving. I can't live like this. Not..." I say.

"I'm sorry that I did it." He said holding my hands.

"I know you're sorry.. but I can't live with it. You could do it to me again without even thinking." I say.

"I did nothing but love you. I mess up once and you kick me off like that. I don't understand. I didn't mean to. I said I was sorry." he said, the hurt in his eyes getting worse.

"I can't love you anymore. I can't. Leave me alone." I say and his hand grasps onto my arm hard.

"But I can't help that i still love you. You can't just leave me like this. You can't. I love you with all of my heart." He says.

"But I don't love you like that. I never will. Not after what you did." I say softly and walk away.

I walk slowly away still feeling the trace of memories as I walk down my crooked walkway.

We had been through so much but after everything he has done to me through these 5 years, what he did to me yesterday topped them all.

- a few hours later -

I was walking down the street to go meet my best friend, Miranda. I was feeling at one of my lowest points because of what had happened earlier. Once Patrick had left my house I watched him through my window as he sulked through every inch of his house. She always knows the right things to say and always seems to get me through it all. I opened the door to her house.

"Mirrrry!!!" I said.

"Hey babe.. ohhh, hey. what's wrong?" She said with a teary look in her eyes.

I suddenly fell down the wall and collided in my blood. He made me cut through so hard more than ever before. I didn't care about the pain this time. I was in a mess of tears and blood and Miranda started screaming.

"Satie. No.. not again. Please." She says, getting about 50 napkins and 3 band-aids.

I looked up. I looked through all of the mess of chaos that was colliding my vision. I couldn't see through any of it.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it." I said.

"I saw him go into Roxy's house and he looked a little drunk." she said, cleaning my blood up.

"Drunk..? Damn..." I try getting up off of the floor, but Miranda sits me back down again.

"You aren't going anywhere. Not like this. You could kill yourself, girl. I'm not letting that happen." She said, smiling.

There is a nearby noise in the distance that sounds similar to a shotgun sound.

It simply echoes.. and e c h o e s through my burning head. I couldn't think of anything. Any thought that came into my brain was nothing but a jumbled mess.

"Satie.. Satie.. Whoaaa Satie." Miranda said. "Satie, are you okay?"

ch.2

People crying. Shouting out Christian-like phrases.
Family. Friends. Friends that were never really friends.

I never really knew how much I hated funerals until now. I wanted to feel bad but.. I really didn't. All i kept thinking was..

He killed himself.

He freaking killed himself.

I sat there, unamused, and watched his casket float away into the distance. The slow numbing movie music floated along with it as it grew farther from my gaze. The only thought that occurred to me was..

I would never see him again

He could purely pass a unhappy dream.. or an unfinished nightmare.

I just watch alongside Miranda where both show equally, no emotion. I pace a little in my spot. "Uhh.. I shouldn't.. I just.. shouldn't be here." I said.

Miranda lifted a bit of a smile and walked away with me silently. She always seemed to understand.

silentlythecurtainscloseandalliseeisthemoon

The moon .. was my thinking place. It was the one place I could think clearly. I think I should be there.

f a r away..

kind of like i was at the moment.
after Miranda left my house at 2:00 in the morning..
after a long talk about..

boys, life, & the future

i went walking along the sidewalk.
The air was chilled and the hair on my arm was standing up against my long black sweater.

all of a sudden..
my phone rang.

"HEY..i'm back."

I was silent.

"Who's back..?" I asked.

I could hear intense breathing on the other end.

"Baby, it's me."

Long beads of sweat rolled noticeably down my freckled face. Lines of confusion filled my forehead.

"Baby..? My name is Satie." I said.

"I always call you baby. You always like it when i call you baby. Satie.. why are you acting like this? Is it because I left you for a few hours? I'm sorry. I'll never do it again."

I hung up the phone
Freaked out, I went back to my house and
fell into a deep dark sleep.
into the cold, dark night...

ch. 3

I woke up with a slight headache.
I didn't feel very well and I wanted nothing more than to just

stayinbedandsleepthedayaway

I looked out my bedroom window.
His room was abandoned now.
Lonely. Black. Shadowy.

I breathe in & out and I feel nothing.
I feel absolutely empty inside and out.

I want nothing than to feel the feeling of a steering
wheel in my hands and then the accidental feeling
of crashing into the Sear's Tower.

ohhowidream..

I can't believe he's gone
he is gone forever.
Maybe if I wouldn't have told him..
I could've waited.. just for a few ..
I didn't have to.. but what if.. ?
I can't seem to get it out of my head that..

"I did this."

I can't feel guilt for this..

It's a boy
& I'm just a simple girl
who just can't seem to forget about
this boy.

With my red dress on, I walked into the bathroom and smiled into the mirror.

"Hi. How are you today?"

"I'm fucking fantastic.. how the hell are you?"

"Well.. it started out with this boy.. and .. I think I killed him. I didn't.. mean to. I just didn't -- couldn't love him anymore. Can't you understand that? Don't you? Can't you get it through your damn head that he isn't there anymore? He is never coming back, Satie. Never.. and even if he could come back.. it's not like he'd want to see you anyway because your a depressed little fake who he thinks doesn't love him anymore when in reality... all she thinks about..

is him."

I slammed my fist into the mirror.

"Haha.. bitch.."

the mirror crashed into a thousand pieces and we shared a common likeness.

we were both slowly breaking

ch. 4

This morning I'm feeling warm but,
b r e a t h l e s s

I felt familiar hands stroke my face
and I turned around

familiar eyes were staring into mine.
i reached to put on my glasses

i come back

the familiar eyes were..
gone

I felt all around me and I could smell that familiar
smell.

He was here

At that moment, I lifted up quickly from my bed, put up my hair, put on my robe, picked up my bag, and for the first time in a few days I walked next door to his house.

I knocked on the door.

no answer

knock
knock

no answer

knock
knock
knock

This was awkward. Normally after the first three knocks.. she comes to the door.

Something else arose in my head.

i hadn't seen his mom since the funeral

Even at the funeral, she was laughing with a bunch of hippies, pot in her possession, and not even having a care in the world.

I opened the door and a note was thumb tacked to it. It was a little dirty and badly written. The only words I could make out was

"leaving" and a few letters such as "f" and "b" which seemed to look like they once spelled "find" and "bed"

I wasn't much of a "puzzle person."

but something in the way the letter looked, made me believe that I would find out how and why Patrick was killed.

I shook the doorknob and it didn't open.
I opened my bag and found an old paper clip and twisted it so it would fit in the lock.

I could be a robber

I opened the door and peered inside at the kitchen.
And to my surprise, everything was clean, neat and everything was in place.

I walked a few steps inside and stepped on the creaky part of the floor which was actually even creakier than it ever had been.

I walked even further and saw something awkward.
I saw his mom's wedding ring.

His mom had been married some time ago back in the 60's to Patrick's so-called dad.

He left her a few years later on a bright summer morning with the last words from his mouth to her being "Sorry.. i have to be at the office."

Though her wedding ring, to me, would seem to be worthless.. to her, it was her world. It was the reason she lived. She always told Patrick that, "For once in my life, Patrick.. I was loved for an instant. I don't care how little it was.. I don't care if he left me for an 15 year old stripper that he found on the corner.. I was loved once. At least I can say that much."

His mom was quite the woman on some days.

I bent over, picked up her wedding ring, and placed it in my pocket.

I walked a few more steps and found a big bulging red spot all over the floor that seemed to just get bigger with the time I was looking at it.

I also stepped a bit closer and tripped over an object on the floor...


It was a nail.


I looked over and the two blood spots on the carpet seemed to connect together.

As I was watching this take place, a loud shotgun sound echoed throughout the house.

flashback

"You aren't going anywhere. Not like this. You could kill yourself, girl. I'm not letting that happen." She said, smiling.

There is a nearby noise in the distance that sounds similar to a shotgun sound.

It simply echoes.. and e c h o e s through my burning head. I couldn't think of anything. Any thought that came into my brain was nothing but a jumbled mess.

"Satie.. Satie.. Whoaaa Satie." Miranda said. "Satie, are you okay?"

"Hey guys!" Clark walked in, all joyful as usual.

Clark was Miranda's boyfriend. They have been dating for almost a year now and she was in love

"Ohhh Satie.. what's going on? Ohhh no.. Satie." He drops to his knees to get closer to me.

I was trying to curl up in a ball in the corner
so everyone would forget I was even there.

But.. sadly, Clark wouldn't let me be pushed out of the picture.

He cleared up the rest of my blood and hugged me.

"What's wrong, Satie? Come on, you know you can tell me." He said, smiling.

Something about his smile didn't seem too comforting.

Tears just fell down my face and I continued my journey to the corner.

"I'm gonna get you some water, babe." She said, walking to the kitchen.

Clark scooted closer to me and began stroking his fingers along my arm.

"Come on .. you can tell Clark." He said, inching even closer to where I could feel his breath in my ear.

breath. breath. breath.

He ran his fingers down my chin and pulled his face closer to mine

k i s s

I pulled away and a look of hatred filled my eyes.

"Dick." I attempted getting up and he pulled me down.

"If you tell Miranda.. I will kill you." He said.

end of flashback

I looked up to his burning eyes.
He was there. What.. why?

"Hello?" I yelled, backing up farther.

"Hi Satie..." He said, smiling.

"What.. are you doing here?" I asked.

He smiled that smile.

"I told you what would happen, baby. I told you what would happen." He said.

"I didn't tell her anything." I said.

"Then why did she break up with me, huh? Tell me why she left me, Satie. You know damn well why.. you told her." He said, getting closer to me.

sithereandbreathandmaybehewillgoaway

"Why are you anyways? Here, in the empty house of your best friend? Why don't you tell me that." I said, standing up.

He began looking uncomfortable and uneasy

"Well.. I.. I .. was coming to look for my wallet. Hey, look I found it." He said, smiling.

"You asshole. Why are you here?" I ask, stepping closer.

"You don't wanna do that. That's his blood." He said, pointing his gun to the blood spot on the carpet.

"What? His .. blood? What?" I asked.

"Uhm.. yeah, didn't you hear someone was killed here before they moved here? It was.. uhh.. an old man that--" He said, scrambling through words.

"This is newer blood, you idiot. Who's blood is this?"

He was silent

"Tell me damnit." I screamed.

nothing

I walked into Patrick's old room and he was there.
I looked into his sorrowful eyes

"Patr..ick." I said.
I walked over to him and sat on the floor.

"What happened?" I asked.

He looked at me and pointed under his bed.

"Patrick.. tell me what happened?" I asked.

He looked at me and sighed

"Love."

After a few seconds, he was there no more.
I wasn't sure what to think.. I just sat there.

Clark then, put his gun down on the floor and joined me on the floor.

We then, lifted the covers and looked under his bed.


THE END