Healing Her Heartache

“Healing Her Heartache”
By: L. J. Arien1

|||||||||PROLOGUE2

“Have you ever wanted someone to come and break into your house and shoot you in the middle of the night? If anything, just to get someone’s attention?” ~ From “Would You See Me If I Were Screaming?” (5/17/06, freewrite by L. J. Arien)3

“Sometimes people run away just to see if anyone cares enough to follow.” ~Icon4

“...Remember that your best friend is the strength in you heart, the fire in your soul, and the love in your eyes. The hardest lessons are the ones that leave you stunned and speechless...Though it’s been said many times before by smarter people with larger minds than mine, love in your heart, love in your heart will conquer all.” ~Atreyu, “Never Too Far Gone”5

|||||||||Chapter 1 - Taken Hostage Into Escape6

Rose was tired. Tired of all the fighting, all the attempts to try to defend herself and repair what was lost. She hated herself for ever believing in him, all his lies.

“What a waste of my life. I got absolutely nothing out of that relationship. Just another guy who wanted sex, and then, he didn’t even want me for THAT!” she muttered to herself in a fury. She used to be understanding, and want him back, but then it got too personal, too deep. There were just some things that couldn’t be forgiven or forgotten. There were no second chances for that lost love.

Rose paced around the ballfield and into the parking lot. She walked when there were a lot of thoughts and emotions coursing through her. It helped her calm down, helped her remember to breathe. She looked for somewhere to be alone, where people wouldn’t keep walking by. She just needed to be alone for once, to clear her head. Plus, she didn’t want to start bawling in front of people. That’s just asking for a crowd.

She stopped in the back parking lot. There was only one or two cars back there. She sat down on the concrete, then laid down on her back, arms behind her head and closed her eyes. It was a warm summer day—well, to her anyway. It was eighty-six degrees, but she still kept her jacket on. It was comfortable weather to her, when to others, the heat would have been stifling.

She sighed deeply. It was so quiet. Only the sounds of the birds chirping overhead. It made her feel a little better. But anytime she started to have a moment of peace, the memories would come rushing back to her. His voice, his laugh, the way he would talk when he told a funny story. Kissing him, holding him, him holding her. It was torture. Then she would remember the words, the cussing, the hatred, the scorn, the betrayal, the sick, twisted ways he could tear up her heart and throw it back in her face, laugh about it, and then go and jack off to another girl’s picture afterwards. She couldn’t believe she’d ever believed he was different. What a bunch of bullshit.

She swallowed hard. God, it hurt to remember. Her heart was so full of pain that it hurt to breathe. It hurt just to go on living. There was nothing more in the world that she wanted more than for her to just drop down dead, right then and there. She couldn’t kill herself. There was nothing in her house, really, that she could kill herself with. No sleeping pills, no guns, no razors—well, there were the knives, but she really didn’t want to bleed to death. There was a chance that she could just faint, and they would save her. They wouldn’t understand that they were just hurting her more by saving her, and they would be making her happy, for once in her pathetic life, by just letting the pain fucking end.

“I trusted you,” she whispered. “You just tore me down.” She squeezed her eyes tight. Why did the tears come only when she had on make-up? So typical.

Suddenly, she heard the soft tap of footsteps on the concrete behind her. She opened her eyes, irritated, wondering who the hell was bothering her. Two guys were leering above her. She gave them a “Yes-what-do-you-want-for-my-life?” look. One had short, spiky dirty blonde hair, and a hard face. He looked to be about twenty. The other looked about eighteen or so, with longish black hair, and an emotional face. Before she could open her mouth to ask them what they wanted, they grabbed her by her arms and hauled her up and began dragging her to the woods.

At first she started to struggle. Then she just stopped. What the hell did she care anyway? No one else did, at least not the one person she wanted to. Just let them...take her...

“Hey—?” the blonde said, when he noticed her stop struggling. “Don’t think you’re gonna get away that way.” He had a slight northern accent.

“Would you rather me fight you?”

He scoffed and yanked her along. The other boy was behind her, pushing her along.

“Look, I really don’t give a crap what you do. Just...you are gonna use protection, right?”

The blonde stumbled and the other boy tried to cover up his laughs as a coughing attack.

“You’re not making this very easy, girl,” the blonde guy growled. “This isn’t a date.”

Rose sighed. Men. “Well, I don’t want to have to carry around a baby for nine months, excuse me!”

The blonde turned on her, a fierce glare in his eyes. “Look, you stupid bitch, shut the fuck up, or I’ll really hurt you.”

Rose shuddered. He meant it. The boy behind her pinched her elbow, and whispered,

“Hey, you’d better do what he says. He’s done worse things than you can imagine...”

They stopped at an old tool shed. The paint was grey and chipping, with the dark wood revealed beneath. There was an ancient, rusting lock on the door. The blonde kicked the door open. The lock crumbled in the shock. He pushed her inside, the boy following. He then closed the door and left.

“What’s going on?” Rose asked, confused. This didn’t seem like a normal, “rape-her-beat-her-kill-her” deal.

“Matt’s going to get Annabelle to bring the car over,” the boy said. He had a smooth voice, but it didn’t reveal much. It wasn’t emotional like his face. Not that she could see his face, it was so dark in the little shack.

“That’s not what I meant...” she said.

“Oh...It’s complicated...” He trailed off.

She let her eyes wander. The place was covered in cobwebs and mountains of dust. She could just imagine the spiders crawling in this place. She clapped her arms together, hoping to make herself a smaller target for the creepy arachnids.

“What’s wrong?” the boy asked. In the dim light, she could see the expression of “what’s-your-problem?” on his face.

“Nothing...Just...Spiders...I don’t like them...” she mumbled.

He laughed. “You’re such a girl!”

Rose frowned. She didn’t like being called a girl. She didn’t consider herself much of girl. She didn’t like talking on the phone, except to her best friend and, in the past, him. She didn’t like shopping, and didn’t really care about how she looked for the most part. She didn’t take six years to use the bathroom or to get ready to go somewhere. Plus, she was a pervert. Sometimes she wondered if she was supposed to be a boy, but something went wrong, and the Y chromosome missed his target.

“Look, they’re like the only things that freak me out, all right? Give me a break,” she whined.

“Whatever...Hey, they’re back!” he exclaimed and leapt to the door, shoving Rose out of the way. She squealed, trying to get her balance, trying not to touch anything. She fell back, then forward, and grabbed the boy’s arm.

“Hey! What the crap?!”

“Don’t push me, you jerk!”

He grabbed her around the waist, pulling her close to him, so she had to look up into his face. He had very dark eyes.

“Be glad you’re hot, girl. I’m not sure if you’re worth the trouble,” he said.

The door swung open. Matt and another girl—woman, really—stood there. Rose guessed that was Annabelle.

“Geeze, Sorryn, couldn’t even wait til we got to the apartment, could you?” Matt said, laughing.

Sorryn grinned and let Rose go. So they were taking her to a apartment? They were kidnaping her? What was the point of all this? Were they pimps or something? That thought kind of freaked her out.

“Alright, let’s get out of here,” Annabelle said. She had super thin eyebrows, and was a little butch looking, despite all the make-up, except for her long, curling, bleached blonde hair. She had on a hot pink halter-top and tight blue jeans. She wore flip-flops, so Rose could see her neon orange toenails. Not a matcher, apparently.

Sorryn took her arm and led her out of the shed. Rose was glad to get out of there and into the open air again. They took her to a little dark blue Camaro parked on the side of the road.

“Yeah, and all four of us are supposed to fit in there?” Rose asked, sarcasm dripping in her tone. They stared at her.

“Gawd, she’s a trip, isn’t she?”Annabelle said. “You’re gonna have your hands full, aren’t you, Sorryn, baby?” She had a strong northern accent, too.

Ugh, she called him “baby”, Rose thought. That’s a little creepy.

Sorryn didn’t seem to think anything of it. Just shrugged. “Guess so.”

“Get in the damn car. There’s room. She’s tiny,” Matt commanded.

Rose and Sorryn climbed in first, and crammed in the back, or lack thereof. Matt took the wheel, and Annabelle sat in the passenger’s seat. They pulled out fast. Rose’s head slammed against the tiny window.

“Don’t be so rough on the wheel, Matt. You’ll kill the little bird back there,” Annabelle said, touching his arm. “This is why you lost your licence last time.”

“Shut the fuck up, Annabelle!” he shouted and slapped her arm away. She could definitely see him beating her. It made her feel uncomfortable.

“You get used to it,” Sorryn whispered.

Used to it?! she thought. How can you get used to something like that!? She kept quiet, however, and just stared out the little window and thought. Immediately, thoughts of him began to flood through her head. The memories were so persistent, wouldn’t let her go. She wondered if he would even know that she was gone. Would he care?

This will teach you, won’t it? she thought, bitterly. Who’s sorry now?7

|||||||||Chapter 2 - 8

The car stopped about an hour later in uptown, outside an apartment complex. Rose opened her eyes, feeling groggy. She didn’t really sleep, just sort of catnapped.

“Is this it?” she mumbled. Her legs were asleep. Her hands and arms were asleep, too.

“Yeah,” Sorryn said. She saw Matt punch in the numbers to open the gates and they drove in. They pulled into the parking lot and parked the car. Matt and Annabelle got out, then pulled the seats up so Rose and Sorryn could get out, too.

“Ah!” Rose breathed out, stretching, popping all her joints and shaking out her arms and legs. “Ugh, I think my butt’s asleep.” Sorryn snorted and rolled his eyes, but he was mimicking her motions to get the nerves functioning as well.

Matt locked the car and looked at the sky. “Alright, let’s go. I’ve got plans,” he said.

Rose plodded along, Sorryn still holding onto her to make sure she didn’t run off. It was about 9:00 PM. Rose wondered if people had started searching for her or even noticed that she was missing. She wondered when her friends would find out. She wondered when he would find out. She wondered what they’d do, especially him. Would they cry, care, kill themselves? She sighed.

“I’m not going anywhere, you know. I can’t run worth a crap,” Rose said, tired of being herded around like a calf.

“Hm,” Sorryn smirked. “And how do I know that if I let you go, you’re not going to run away and scream for help?”

“Duh, because I would have done it by now. Sheesh.”

Sorryn chuckled. “Are you always this sarcastic?”

“Yep!” Rose said enthusiastically. “It tends to get me in trouble...a lot...” That thought made her frown. It was one of the reasons she was so misunderstood. She was being sarcastic, but came off as being mean, when she really wasn’t. He always thought so. That was why things fell apart.

Sorryn let her go. She felt like running, just to see what would happen if she did, but she had taken enough crazy risks today as it was. Besides, she liked being trusted.

They climbed three flights of steps before they reached a little cubbie with two doors. One read A9-24-20. The other was O3-18-25. Matt and Annabelle opened the door to O3-18-25, while Sorryn began unlocking the door to A9-24-20. Rose gulped. This was really...weird. She hated not knowing what was going on.

“Ya’ gonna have to explain everything to her. She looks like a lost puppy, Sorryn,” Annabelle said over her shoulder before she closed the door behind her.

“Yeah, I feel like a lost puppy,” Rose said. Sorryn grabbed her wrist and pulled her inside the room. He shut it and locked it behind him. Rose looked around at the first room. It wasn’t very big. It led to an even smaller kitchen. There was a bathroom was to the right. In the main room, there was a T.V., stereos, a huge stack of CDs, bookshelves sagging with books, a laptop, two dressers, a double bed, a table with a lamp on it, and only one window that was covered in grey curtains.

Rose skipped over to the bed and pounced on it, giggling. She had a weird obsession with bouncing on beds she had never been on before. Subconsciously breaking it in, perhaps. She didn’t know. She just liked to do it.

“What are you doing?” Sorryn asked, laughing a little.

“I don’t know. I just like to jump on beds. It makes me happy!” she said throwing back her head, laughing. Then she grew serious. “So, what’s all this about anyway?”

Sorryn hesitated. “Well...”

“Why did you take me here? Why didn’t you just rape me there in the woods, and be over with it?”

“It’s complicated, like I said. You’re kind of...like my...um, well...you see, Matt’s kinda like my big brother. I got him his girlfriend, Annabelle. So he owes me, too. You getting this?”

Rose tilted her head, her mouth slightly open, brow furrowed. “Uh...sorta. And he owes you...what, now?”

Sorryn rubbed the back of his neck. “In a sense...you.”

“Heh?” Rose questioned. “But, you don’t know me.”

Sorryn stared at her. “You were close on the rape theory...”

“Woah. Um, so I’m like your little sex toy?” Rose asked, shocked.

“Pretty much.”

“Oh.” She really couldn’t really come up with anything to say to that. She was just wondering when it would happen. “At least someone thinks I’m attractive enough to sleep with,” she muttered.

“Huh?” Sorryn asked, looking at her.

“Nothing, it’s nothing important. Just talking to myself.” She grinned and held up a peace sign. Sorryn looked away, trying not to smile. She was a little spacey, but cute nonetheless.

“How long am I here for, anyway?” she asked, worrying about school. She didn’t want to be a drop-out or anything.

“As long as I feel like it,” Sorryn replied. Rose made a face. She didn’t like arrogant men.

“I’m not being mean,” he said. “That’s just the way it goes, you know?”9