The Public View

"Q: Given the social disapproval and legal restrictions against lesbianism, what are some of the external problems you have faced? A: One thing is that I hesitate to show my affection for her in public. If you’re walking down the street and you want to put your arm around someone or give them a kiss- the kind of thing you do without thinking if it is a man- well, that’s hardly considered romantic by most people if it’s done with someone of your own sex. I know that if I were to express my feelings in public with Jennie, there would be a lot of social intrusion that I would have to deal with. Somehow, people would assume a license to intrude upon you privacy in public; their hostile comments, hostile attitudes, would ruin the whole experience."(Koedt, Loving Another Woman, 170)
Since the beginning of our relationship, Andrea and I have encountered many obstacles. Being that she is a woman five years older than I am and a coach here at ______ State, my parents were not thrilled to find out about our relationship. My mother was very upset, especially after I told her that I still wanted to tryout for the sport that she coached. Because of the fact that I wanted to be on the team I spent time in Andrea’s office talking to her and the other coaches. Even though we were not being affectionate, just this simple act had people thinking and made others, like my basketball coach, uncomfortable. I am assuming that my mother had called and talked to Cheryl, who is my basketball coach and also the Assistant Athletic Director, because the next day Andrea was called in to see the Athletic Director. He had told her that there was no reason to break up with me; we were not breaking any rules even if I did become her athlete. Basically, it was not a problem as long as it was kept out of the gym. In other words, we had to keep our relationship out of the public’s eye.
The next problem that we came across was with Human Resources because there had been a few complaints about Andrea being in my dorm room. Even though we were in the privacy of my own suit, our relationship seemed to make some of the other girls that I live with uncomfortable. Yet again Andrea was told that we were not breaking any rules so there was no need to break up with me. They had also said that it would be wise for her to stay out of the dorms. Consideration had to be given to the others that lived there who did not want to see any displays of affection. Human Resources had also said that it would be better if I did not join the team because, even thought a coach dating their own athlete was not against any rules, the rest of the team might think that she was playing favorites. We now have to keep our relationship entirely off campus and if we want to see each other she has to pick me up and we have to find a place off campus to be together.
One problem that my mother had was that we started going out very soon after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend; she wanted us to get to know each other before we rushed into a relationship which, in the beginning, was very hard because I was still playing basketball so we had to work around each others schedules. The fact that we could not spend time together in public without offending someone, made it even more difficult for us to get to know each other. It seems quite ironic how many rules are set forth for us to abide by; when her superiors have explained to her that we are not violating any rules. Our current issue is whether or not we will both be returning to _______ State next year. Because of how our relationship has been publicly viewed and the statements that have been made, a recommendation of non-renewal for Andrea’s contract was written by the Vice President of Student Affairs, William Laundry. She has been in contact with the union representative but because she only works part time her position can be terminated at any time and without any given reason. As a last resort she wrote a letter to the President of the school because he can either approve or disapprove the recommendation for non-renewal. Even though she has the support of three of her colleagues and also her athletes she is still awaiting a response from him. Anne Koedt’s relationship with her girlfriend Jennie and my relationship with Andrea are quite similar. Although it is not necessarily that I hesitate showing my affection toward Andrea in public, it is the fact that I am limited to where I am allowed to show my affection because of the restrictions made by the institution. Even though we have not experienced any hostile remarks or attitudes, the public has played an extremely important role in our relationship. Although the public has placed many obstacles in our path, our love has and will continue to grow. 1

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