Put It on My Tombstone

William, I hope after this you can find some measure of peace. That maybe you'll find what you've been so desperately searching for all these years. Though it may have seemed otherwise, I only ever wanted the best for you. Perhaps things will be easier when my shadow is no longer upon you....1

Mom, you know I never wanted this to happen. I was always so proud to have you as my mother. I know you'll take this as a personal failure, that somehow you weren't good enough to help me, but that's not how it was mom. It wasn't like that at all. I wasn't only a product of you after all; I was also a product of myself.2

Dad, maybe we never saw eye-to-eye, but you taught me some things. Even if it was only how humilty felt, that still an important lesson.3

It's so strange talking about yourself as if you're already gone. As I look at my shoes, all lined up in size order, over in my closet (you remember how I always liked that?) I'm struck with just how much talent some people in this world have. And just how much of it goes to waste.4

Marie, I can't think of what would have happened to me if not for you. You remember that time I told my friend Patricia that secret you asked me not to tell? You were so angry with me because I broke your trust. Well, I'm still sorry you know. I know I've said it before but I still am.5

And, you remember that time we lay on your bed reciting quotes from Mulan? It was one of your favorites. We laughed until three in the morning you remember? Well, until you fell asleep and started to snore.6

Mary, I still have your copy of The Giver. I'm sorry I never gave it back, but a lot of the pages fell out and I was embarassed. It's under my left pillow if you want it.7

You know it's funny, every time I think of what's wrong with me, I can't help but wonder how I got this way. And more importantly why I couldn't change. But there's never an answer. No, never an answer.8

Wow, it still stuns me when I see how beautiful some people can be. I just happened to look up and see your picture, Mary. Some people have this quiet inner beauty that reaches inside you to touch all your jagged edges. And those are the people you have to watch out for because you can bet those same people who have that quiet inner beauty have a beautiful inner quiet. Yeah, there are those people. Those people whose face, just their face mind you, can stop a human heart. And you know what the sad part is Mary? Those people? Those people have no idea how stunning they are. They're oblivious. It's a shame I tell you, really. A shame.9

So, I'd like Mom to take care of Comrade and Poision for me. Don't give them away though. You know they'll never find another good home. Besides, all their stuff is here. They're comfortable here.10

Anyway, I guess I'm rambling. I know there's a whole bunch of important stuff I should be telling you now. Stuff you'll want to know, but I just can't seem to find the energy or purpose. I hope you can forgive me for it later.11

And Dana, well, I love you. I just hope you'll see that now.12