Hogwarts, Ravanclaw tower
16 March 2006
Mr & Mr Weasley
Weasley Wizard Whizzes Diagon ally
Dear Sirs,
I am writing you about your order forms. In the letter below I will highlight the specific changes I think necessary for the convenience of your customers, mainly Daniell & I because we're your most frequent buyer.
Firstly I think you need to make it more obvious where the form is from. You could put your logo at the top & write your store name in big decretive writing next to it.
The orders need to be clearer by making columns under the names of ‘item, price, quantity, individual price & total price you would elevate same of the confusion when ordering long distance.
If you were to send a return owl you would find people more inclined to place an order because renting an owl if you don’t have one can be a bit much, especially for school students on small allowances.
By doing these simple things I suggested you will find your orders will increase in number & quantity. Hoping you’ll listen to the ones carrying on your fun at school,
Your Jokers,
Eliza Jazmine Dawson
Hogwarts M.M
Dawson Twin Creations Ltd
E.J.D1
2
P.S. Ive taken the liberty of being a friend & made kindly made you an example & sent it with this letter.3
4
5
Author notes
This is just things that the twins do. To read more about the twins go to Meakalu's story's & read The Acursed.I'll be posting some other things the twins put together & you'll be able to find out more about some of the weird stuff the twins use & invent. thanx & luv ya all
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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interesting and well written.
A couple of mistakes I found:
should be a comma after "firstly."
"same" should be "some". in the 13th line.
"P.S. Ive taken the liberty of being a friend & made kindly made you an example & sent it with this letter." ... this line makes no sense.
"In the letter below" ... perhaps "the following letter" ?
below sounds a little off.
"frequent buyer" also sounds a little out of place. Perhaps change the word buyer to customer?
These are just suggestions.
Interesting write... i enjoyed it.
Good work, keep it up =] -
lol
hillarious! im all about randomosedy....if thats even a word lol
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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I don't know
I didn't read the story I just commented coz u asked me too
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... this is random, but amusing... oh god, attack of the wannabe weasleys. muwahahhahahaah i mean... uhm... yeahhhh
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Fun!
You know, I never gave much thought to the order forms that the Weasley twins used. I like the way you've turned a potential problem that no one really thinks about into something interesting to read.
It does need some editing for spelling and grammar, though -
It needs an edit bub, some of the spelling is a little wacked, you might wanna put it into word and do a spell check but all in all this is a clever idea. it might help if you pasted the link for the accused into your authors comment box, it saves readers time and as we are all so lazy, well, that is a good thing. good luck with everything and have fun
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Brilliant
i wonder who invented Danni? and it is Mainly Danni and I (corredt your grammer plz)
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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i like the charactor Danni, how ever did she get invented
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