Always Wonder Where You Are

Always Wonder Where You Are1

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They were both poor children from the bricks but not destitute. He was from another part of the city, desecrated by mild gang violence, some non-gang activity. They managed to be placed together in the same school, same home room. Beautiful, rugged boy he was with a gentle disposition underneath a raw exterior. She was a cute, little skinny girl with full, thick hair, a little bit of a dreamer. She was never sure why boys liked her but Secu seemed to be among them.3

Indigo was walking to her class one day about 10 minutes before the bell was going to ring. Secu stopped her, running up to her grabbing her by the shoulders with urgency on his face. She was familiar with him from her homeroom but she hadn’t talked much to him. Her face began to grow urgent as well, wondering what was so serious that he had approached her so abruptly. He then blurted out, “Go with me”! Indigo was speechless. There was no special feeling for him or anybody for that matter. Her mind was still with his question, forgetting she was required an answer. He shook her lightly with anxious eyes. He shouted, “Please be my girl”. Finally and reluctantly she said, “Well…okay”. He darted away and the bell began ringing. She was already next to the door entrance. One slight turn and she was in.4

She walked, watching her feet as she found her seat. She began thinking to herself, “Why the rush and why me”? She wouldn’t see him until the next day, early when school started again. Her feelings were mixed. The more she thought about Secu and his proposal the more her curiosity of him grew. She experienced fear and excitement all in one big roll. That night she sat in her bed in the room she shared with one of her sisters and she anticipated what tomorrow was going to be like and she saw him as his newly appointed girlfriend.5

Indigo woke up with butterflies in her stomach. “Today is the day I’ll see Secu and we are together”, she thought. He had been in her head since she left him yesterday and now she was stressing over what she would wear to impress him. She chose something and then she was walking down the path to school, located in the back of the complex where she lived. She wondered if Secu walked to school or took the bus. She decided to by pass the bridge and go through the ditch. She wanted time to think about what to say or how to act before seeing him. Before long she was entering the school doors and into home room. Secu was there ahead of her, staring at her with so much pleasure in his eyes she started smiling and blushing. Her heart beat quickly in her chest. She sat in the seat next to him.6

He waited until she was seated and he grabbed her desk and pulled her close to his. “Hi pretty”, he said with the slyest of smiles on his face. She looked at his large dark eyes and lowered her eyes quickly responding more confidently than she felt, “Hey Secu”. He leaned in closer holding her chin in his hands, “Are you my girl now”? Usually, outgoing she said shyly, “Yes”. He leaned back looking sure and smiled. Indigo thought as she decided to really look at him this time, he was breathtaking and he made her feel like she was very much desired.7

Mr. Juarez came through the door calling the class to order. Secu ran his hands through Indigos dark hair then stood to move her desk back to where it was and took his seat. Once Mr. Juarez said a few words of motivation, he closed and sent them to their prospective classes.8

Before heading to her next class her best friend, Natalia stopped her saying” You and Secu are looking pretty close. I’m so happy for you and she grabbed her hand and smiled. Indigo felt she and Natalia had a special relationship and she could tell her all of her secrets. Natalia and Indigo would frequent each others homes after school but on weekends they would have sleepovers mostly at Natalia’s home where Indigo got to know her Sister and her Mom, Ms. Taylor very well as did Natalia with Indigo’s family. Natalia suggested that Indigo come over this coming Friday so they could talk about their boyfriends, specifically, catching Natalia up on the 411 with Indigo’s new circumstances with Secu. Natalia was very outgoing. She and Secu weren’t strangers and because of Natalia’s forward personality were very friendly, like brother and sister.9

When Friday arrived Indigo packed an overnight bag that morning so that she could leave with Natalia from school. They walked over to her house because it gave them a chance to walk leisurely and enjoy each others conversation. They laughed, talked and chanted all the way there, “I wanna hamburger, HAMBURGER! chee-burger, CHEEBURGER, ICE COLD COKE, My name is Nata/Indie and I don’t take no stuff! They carried on this way until they reached Nata’s house. Nata’s house was old but inside was cozy and Indigo always felt warm and welcomed when she was there.10

When they got their pajamas on Nata said “So how did it start” and Indigo told her, “He stopped me in the hallway and asked me to go with him. I said yes after a few minutes”.
Nata said, “You didn’t want to?” Indigo replied, “I wasn’t really sure at the time because it was unexpected. I’m glad I said yes. It feels like we are so close.”11

Months had gone by and Indigo and Secu were very close and cared for each other a great deal. Girls started coming out of the woodwork now that they were dating, approaching Indigo asking her were they together. Some actually wanted to pick fights with her but it never came to blows. Secu’s head didn’t seem to be turned by all of these girls suddenly wanting to be with him. He quickly told them he was with Indigo and then he would retreat. Indigo would even stand in the wings while girls tried to corner him, pin him to the wall and force him to give them some time. He would break away and tell them, “Excuse me” but I got somebody to meet”. Indigo sometimes wondered if Secu’s feelings for her would last, she knew she was different from most girls, coming from a strict home where her Mother monitored their phone calls and would only let them go out together if there was someone else with them but she didn’t have a chance to be jealous Secu always came to her emotional rescue.12

Indigo got up one morning and she had the worse soar throat and cough. She felt like she had been in a wreck so she didn’t go to school. She wondered if her whole 10th grade homeroom would miss her but what she really hoped was that Secu did. He called her that night to tell her how much he missed her pretty face in a quiet masculine voice. She blushed telling him she missed him too. She was out a few more days and he called every night. Natalia called the third day and she sounded serious. Indigo asked her what was wrong. Natalia hesitated saying, “I hate to tell you this but Secu is telling people that you are fired. Indigo already feeling insecure of their relationship felt immediately hurt and she didn’t hide it in her answer to Natalia. She reluctantly said, “Well, I guess that is the way it will be”. Natalia was quiet, appearing sympathetic. 13

Indigo’s heart grew heavy and she spent the night crying over her Secu. She just kept telling herself, “I’m surprised it lasted this long. Why would he really want to stay with someone like me who can’t do anything…not like other girl’s who are available to be with him whenever he wants. When I get back to school it will just be over.” Monday morning Indigo went back to school feeling sad and single, hoping she didn’t run into Secu. She wanted to avoid him and not face their demise. She hurt deeply but she wore a masked and continues to smile through her sorrow. When she saw Secu they both stopped. She looked at him then she turned away, she didn’t stop to see to get another glimpse of his face. He never called her again and it confirmed in her mind that he would not have stayed around anyway.14

For the next year she would cry on Natalia’s shoulder. On the Friday sleepover’s Indigo spent her time trying to get over Secu but she couldn’t. That year she also found out that she and her family was moving very close to the end of the school year. All of these things were happening around the time of the year end school dance. This was a very bittersweet time for Indigo. She didn’t realize that she had actually fallen in love with Secu and he had moved on with a new girlfriend, everything. She attended the school dance and presented a well disguised personality, dancing, laughing and mingling but she would always think of Secu who never showed up.15

Indigo went to a new school clear on the other side of town once they had moved and she never saw Secu again. She continued to harbor deep feelings for him wondering where he was. Sometimes she would sit on top of the car parked in the garage in the summer nights and say, “I wonder where you are Secu…I’ll always wonder where you are”. 16

Many more years went by and accordingly to most Indigo had grown into a beautiful woman and at 27 years old she still hadn’t changed a lot of her values. She still believed in marriage and not having sex before marriage. Indigo knew this type of thinking put her in a class by herself but she felt real love could go the distance and real love could wait…so she stuck to her guns. Indigo had recently moved into a beautiful apartment in the hills around the Mall and it was a busy area. Indigo felt like at night it was good to hear “life” going on, the cars and the bustle with the sounds of people enjoying them selves’ right outside of her window. She was driving up the winding roads to her apartment, looking up and noticing the stars. A song came on the radio and for some reason it froze her…she began to feel nostalgic…thinking of Secu. Sadness began to take over her whole body. She parked at the top of the hill and let the song lead her to this melancholy place. When it was done she shook from chills and slowly emerged from her car, walked into her apartment and went to bed. The next morning was bright and shining. She got up early around 8:00 and decided to walk around the mall for exercise joining some of the other health conscious people. She walked until the mall opened and just as she was about to make her last round. This car drove up beside her…she never looked up but then she heard a voice. “Indigo!”. She looked up and it was Secu…he was as handsome as ever. She was startled, “Hello Secu”, she said.17

He paused looking at her…finally he said, “Can I give you a ride?” “Sure”, Indigo said.
She felt like she was a mess. Her hair was on top of her head and she was sweaty but Secu said, “You know you were a cute girl and I always knew you’d be beautiful…but not like this”. Indigo turned slightly and smiled. He asked her where she lived and she told him in the apartments on the hill. When he got to the hill he parked. Indigo wondered what he was doing. He turned to her and asked her why she stopped talking to him in school. She responded that Natalia told her in so many words that he had indicated it was over between them. Secu looked sad and then he said, “Indigo, I never said that. She only told you half of what I said and I was joking. I said if you didn’t hurry back to school you were fired. Don’t you know that she was after me herself.”.18

Indigo looked at Secu, disappointed. She sat back in the seat, letting her head fall back
feeling very used after all these years. She then said, “All that time I thought she was my friend. She let me cry on her about you for a year and she never even tried to tell me different. Unbelievable.” Secu grabbed Indigo’s hand. He said Indigo, I looked for you and I took girlfriends because I was young and too stupid to ask you what happened but when I saw you walking I knew this was my chance. I have never stopped loving you and wondering where you are. Can we be together?” Indigo smiled and Secu lifted her chin and they kissed deeply, after which Indigo said, “Secu…those have always been my sentiments and they drove on to her apartment…still very much in love.19