Pain and experience pleasure
The outcome is joyous
Life held in your hands
Wondrous and new
Colors are pink and fresh
A feeling of soft, velvet flesh 1
First month terrifying
Are you right or wrong
Inadequacy, foolhardy happiness 2
Second month you smile
Calmer and gracious
More knowing yet not wiser 3
Third month brings experience
Acknowledgement from blue eyes
Needing and being nurtured 4
Fourth month and movement
Not steady or sure
You offer help and understanding 5
Fifth month is closing
Grief is imposing itself
Fear and insecurity abound 6
Sixth month and angels
Too many, too soon
Blue eyes looking skyward
To a love immortal 7
Author notes
This was written after losing my daughter aged 6mth to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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touching
The language you use makes the entire episode seem so personal to your readers. The excitement of the first month followed by the grief and pain of the months to follow really captivate a reader. Also the constant mention of blue eyes personifies the child and makes it sound like so much more than just a character. Finally you close it beautifully when you say 'Too many, too soon- Blue eyes looking skyward to a love immortal". Truly well done, like anything so personal. -
Not bad, pretty good
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 2, ending: 5, dialog: 1, characters: 2.
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I thought that this was a great piece. Really captivating and emotional. I'm terribly sorry to here about your loss and hope that everything is going okay.
I hope to see more soon. Good Luck,
-Gito -
Very captivating and beautiful. It reminded me of Ben Jonson's "My first sonne".
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Great
I thought it was a fantastic poem, but heartbreaking.
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brilliant
First off, im so very sorry for ur loss, I too lost my daughter, altho it was too Cystic Fibrosis; so i can empathize with u totally. Your piece is very beautifully written, using a tragic and brievity that fits so well, as you find your use of words are inadequate to the depth of feelings. thank you for sharing.
beginning: 4, language: 5, ending: 4.
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So very touching
I think it is a wonderful poem, with so much feeling
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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febolous
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Very Touching
I know your feeling and pain, my wife and I have lost two children to miscarriages. The latest was while I was deployed to Iraq. That was almost six months ago and I have sevral more till I can go home and see her again. Stay strong.beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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Heart felt sadness
My heart goes out to you and you're family, i can only imagine how you felt Cherliyn.
Ps.. I hope you don't mind a complete stranger using you're name.
beginning: 4, language: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5.
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This is poetry at its purest, raw experience eloquently arranged. I admire your strength in doing this: It is wonderful that you have shared this experience. This sort of writing is powerful and profound: as it should be. Well done.
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amazing
this is an incredibly beautiful and amazing write.
i am so so sorry to hear about your daughter. your use of words amazes me and it really draws the reader in to it.
well done
language: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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nice!!! some really awsome work ..i was just going through this site and this place has some great people and writers alike.
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Soulful and Heartbreaking
Though I can not share your pain, you conveyed the pain and grief you feel exuberently. But more importantly, you also share the fear of being a new parent and the joys of bringing home a wonderful new life. I commend you on your writing. PLease keep it up.beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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That was...
Heart-wrenchingly difficult to read.
=]
That was so packed with emotion. Your agony is so apparent, yet you showed how you'd come to terms and become stronger through it.
You have such a beautiful way with words.
However, if the Author Note was not there, it would not have had half the impact it did have.
But still a great achievement!
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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