I'd forgotten how it feels
To be complete
To be whole and not a half
I put on a cloak
Covered my personality
Then convinced myself that what I saw was true
But you exposed the fraud
Allowed my eyes to see again
Removed my veil of vitriol 1
You were my surprise
Youthful face of unending innocence
Such a contrast to my appearance
An adolescence long departed
Yet you saw me in naked splendour
Stripped of years and preconceived notions
I offered you answers
You asked not one question 2
I was judgemental but you remained
Uncomplicated in your opinions
Taught me to look into the mirror
To view what others saw
Not what I imagined to be there 3
For years I had not seen past the boy
Your russet hair and blue eyes of kindness
Age was a secondary thought to you
If I felt sadness, you made me smile
If I got it wrong, you made it right
When I was in darkness, you brought the sun 4
Yet we to the world will be only friends
I have the chance to give to you
Your need to fly
My need to help find your wings
So this was a moment shared
In our lifetime will last forever
We experienced the reawakening
Of a human heart.5
Author notes
I wrote this about someone who gave me back my life in a dark period I was going through.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow!
This had a great topic and nice flow! You definitely do a nice job showing that not all poems have to rhyme! Most poems when they don't rhyme don't sound as good! Yours is excellent! (oh, and my username is weird... it's 5 spaces! So you can't see it.)
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speachless
I could never write like that just so you know. God I love this peice i think it flows nicely and the ending just leaves you well speachless for me anyway. Love is so strong, and when you find that one person who makes it lash out its as though you found your whole heart. Many people are supressed and when they find someone to love they totally change, i think this poem justifies that. Keep up the good work.
beginning: 4, language: 4, ending: 5, characters: 3.
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Hello, Mrs. Robinson
A tender look at how romance can come from unexpected places. Excepting pedophilia, not many people understand how strong love can be when there is a considerable age difference. I have a friend whose husband is twelve years her senior. Now that they're in their 30s/40s, it doesn't seem like much, but they met when she was 17 (I think).
I would love to see this tranlated into a story, explore the extenuating factors of their love, the story surrounding them. This is a very internal piece - show us the external, too! Thanks, Gypsy.beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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Wow, what a powerful clincher: "We experienced the reawakening / of a human heart." Almost got chills there
This piece feels very heart-felt, very genuine. You have a unique poetic voice, which is hard to pull off unless you have a natural knack I like the continued theme of being able to see yourself (via a mirror) - it seems very appropriate. I don't know if you're looking for suggestions...I don't pretend to be a professional writer, poet or otherwise, but I usually try to offer some kind of advice in every critique (I'm just weird like that . So here goes: a friend of mine who IS a professional poet once told me that every poem should be surprising; mostly, she meant that every poem should have one image, one phrase, something in it that just makes the reader stop and go "WHOA!" What that is is up to the writer...maybe it's rain like stilletos or the sound of a frog eating a firefly...whatever works. As for your piece, if you'd like to add an extra kick, this might be something for you to consider. Although it's beautiful as it is, it's lacking that one truly memorable line. Also (and this is definitely just me and my pet peeve...), have you considered the placement of every punctuation mark? In poetry, a well-place comma or a misplaced period can say as much as the perfect metaphor or a missused homophone. Just something to consider But overall, like I said before, I do like it. Thanks for the read! BTW, are you on Allpoetry.com? That might be a better setting to share your poems in...just a thought 
beginning: 4, language: 4, ending: 5.
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Wonderful
im totally in awe...this is a great read...ive enjoyed reading you poem...very interesting..
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I like it
Its a sweet little poem, you loved the person I am guessing and those moments you shared will never leave you. Hold onto that.
And above all keep writing, you have a really nice style here -
Intriguing penning. I enjoyed it.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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I agree with CelticLady, it is very well written and every part is filled with emotion. It made me feel as if I, too, related to this.
Great piece! ^^beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Excellent
I enjoyed reading this piece. It was written beautiful and filled with emotion. I felt as if I related with this. It flows nicely. Great job!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Truthful, Poingent and Revealing
It is amazing when we find a person like this. They can change they was you view yourself and how you live your life. You did an amazing job on this. I am very impressed.beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 4.
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Beauty
Beautiful. A tale of broken illusions and maturity. Fantastic! It was from the heart, and put in such a fantastically metaphorical manner.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, overall: 8, ending: 4, characters: 3.
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