1. " Uh, Dad, just theoretically, what do you do if your condom breaks? Can you, like, tape it together, and it still works?"1
2. " How many guys do I have to sleep with before I'm officially a slut? I want to make sure I haven't crossed the line yet."2
3. " Hey dad, I finally got a summer job. I'm going to be famous too- I'm going to be in a porn flick! But first I have to get fake boobs. So can I have $7,000?"3
4. " Oh, all these doctors are full of it about cocaine being addictive. I tried it 272 times now and I'm not!"4
5. " Please dude, who are you kidding, you're an old fat man. Combing the hair over to one side doesn't hide bald spots. Face it, you are old."5
6. " Mom, Dad, it's really lucky you guys found each other because otherwise you would have both died virgins. Who else would want either of you?"6
7. " What would you say the most effective position for getting pregnant is? I want to be sure to avoid that one."7
8. " No, Mom, the name of my boyfriend really has been tattooed on my forehead. It's not marker."8
9. " You know, it really hurts when my boyfriend's tongue ring gets caught on my belly button ring."9
10. " You know mom, you could be really pretty if you'd lose 50 pounds, grow your hair and dye it platinum blonde, lay in a tanning bed, zap your cellulite, get a boob job and face lift, and froze off your moles. Anf i you bleeched and straightened your teeth and wore stilettos and miniskirts. In other words, if you looked totally and completely like a different person."10
11. " How much is a good price for pot? I dont' want them to rip me off."11
12. " Which do you think is more fun- really good drugs or really good sex? I can't decide..."12
13. "Hey, mom, this is my new boyfriend. Ever heard of Charles Manson? Well this is his son..."13
14. " School was boring today. Until it went up in flames. Guess I shouldn't have smoked next to the gas line."14
15. " Don't worry, hair grows. And green is a cool color. My brother's gonna be the coolest two-year-old ever, he needed a makeover! You oughtta thank me!"15
16. " Right, you didn't really like that $3000 dollar vase, right?"16
17. " Hi, Mom? Uh, you want to know where I am? In jail, actually..."17
18. " Uh, just wondering, if you backed a car into a garage, any way to hide it?"18
19. " Oh, come on, I wasn't lying. I was expressing my creativity."19
20. " You can't find your money? Um, maybe I did borrow it a little. Um, yeah I did need the $5000 badly as a matter of fact. NO I'm not telling you why!"20
Author notes
in a random mood lol.
A contest entry
- The Most Overly Done Contest Idea by Andrew Timothy.
250 points, ended August 30, 2007, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Hahaha, this is so funny.
I can picture so many of my friends saying these to their parents, and so many of their parents reactions. I would never say any of these which is the funny thing. Well, maybe I would, hahaha.
Anyways, good job
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Be in a random mood more often!!! This is really great~
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LOL! I LOVE NUMBER 1! GOOD WORK!
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Wow, very funny. 20 things not to ask parents about.18 is something which actually happened..Good one.
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Lmao, this is hilarious. You should definitely do more of these. Maybe try "Things to never say to your boyfriend/girlfriend" or "Things to never say to your boss/teacher." Those would be funny too (:
Keep up the great work!
-Kevan
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Number 4 was hilarious!
Okay, this was funny, but it isn't really a story. It's more like something I'd find on the internet like "10 things not to do at Wal-Mart".
I'm not really sure how to judge this one, but good luck anyways.
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LMAO!
Here's another one I can't believe I haven't read!! lol, number 11 sounds like something i might say to my mom. this is so great, seriously, i laughed so hard that i cried. i LOVE your lists! you need to make more of these by the way, lol. i've been trying to, but i'm just not inspired enough to do it
s and 
s
~Kami
♠
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Funny!
Those are very good words of advice. I like them all. I think I might acctually use some of them just to tick my parents off. Thanks a lot for sharing!
D!b^ch! -- Z3ku13 -
I loved it. great work. random moods rock
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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yeah
that sounds like something i would say to my parents, only making sure they cant actually hear me first is always a good idea. You got me grounded lol
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Cool
That was very enlightening. I'll remember to never say any of those things to my parents. They weren't too please the first times I said them.
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you know what. i've done almost all of these things, but yet i never learn.
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creative
you know what. i've done almost all of these things, but yet i never learn. -
I don't know!! I don't have the words!
It's hilarious. I would get decapitated if I said any of those things. I have actually used number 19, though not to my parents. This is great!!!
Sarah
xbeginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5.
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That's so good. You seem to be the expert here. Made me smile, thanks!
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, overall: 7, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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i love this its hilarious
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Hehe, that was funny, but my parents would probably just laugb if I said any of those to them!
beginning: 5, language: 5, overall: 9, ending: 4.
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ROFLMAO
Yeah, so I think I love this! Really great write. Its true, you should on NO condition say any of these to your parents. Except maybe 19. Expressing creativity. hehehe. I liked that one, it may be used in my next arguement. Nice work! I hope you have more random moods, it seems to produce some funny stuff!overall: 10.
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so funny! i love it! also quite true. anouther one you missed..."um, mom, you never liked my little sis that much right? well..." it sound like something i would say!
~Dragon -
LMAO
Ohhhh...those are incredible!@ i read them to my mom and she loved it too, lol. great job!
s and 
s
~Kami
♠
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funny
made me laugh, i especially like the expressive creativity- i may have to use that!beginning: 5, language: 5, overall: 7, ending: 5.
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lmfao!! this is fucking awesome for something so random!! lol! i would never, ever, say any of these things to my mum and da-they'd beat the hell out of me..and probably worse. this was awesome. you should get this published in a magazine or something. i a lot of people would get a good laugh out of this.
beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5.
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