The way God warns you ahead of time...

"After 3 years, you're just going to walk away?" Leon asked Christina as she turned to leave.
Christina turned back to him, "Leon, why didn't you tell me you were like this? Why didn't you tell me, so that I could help you?"
"Because I knew this would happen as soon as you found out Chris. I knew you'd just get mad and leave, not give me a second thought."
"Leon, that isn't what happened. I'm just upset that you've been killing yourself for so long, and I didn't do anything about it because I didn't know. You're going to rehab, right?"
"What?! So now you want to put me with a whole bunch of crackheads? Just because I'm in a gang doesn't mean I do drugs." he said,and looked at her, bewildered.
"You don't do drugs?"
"Hell no Christina. I'm not THAT stupid. I quit smoking last year, and I have NEVER done anything worse." Okay, so it wasn't completely true, but he didn't do drugs now, regardless.
She hugged him, "I shouldn't have jumped to a conclusion like that."
"I don't know you got me doing crack out of 'I was in a gang fight last night', but okay, it's fine as long as you know that I don't." he hugged her back.
She looked up at him, putting her hand on his chin and tilting his head down so she could look into his beautiful green eyes. She brushed his dirty blonde hair out of his face and kissed him gently.
He kissed her back, pulling her closer to him, "Don't ever act like you're going to leave me Chris." he whispered, "Please. I couldn't take it." he says,then kisses her again, putting one hand on her lower back, the other on the back of her head.
"I love you too much to do that Leon. Really." she said, then gently pulled away, "Now, what were you telling me about this gang you're in?"
"There was a huge fight yesterday. There's supposed to be another one tonight, without weapons, because really, no one won last night."
"But you're going to get hurt!" Christina looked at Leon, concern etched into every contour of her beautiful face.
"No I won't. No weapons. It's a hand-to-hand fight."
"That doesn't mean you won't get hurt."
"I'm not going to die, regardless. I may get a little beat up, but so what?"
"Leon I don't want you to do this!"
"Fine, I won't." he said, thinking he would find a way to do it so that she wouldn't find out.
She knew he would anyways, but pretended to be relieved, "Okay."
****LATER THAT NIGHT****
Once he thought Christina was asleep soundly on her side of the bed, Leon got up with cat-like grace and got dressed. He looked at her sleeping, "Nothing's going to happen." he whispered. He walked out, meeting up with Tommy, Gregg, and the other members of the gang, "Let's get this over with before Christina gets up and realizes I'm gone, 'kay?"
Tommy nodded, Gregg shrugged, a few other members gave positive responses.
Little to Leon's knowledge, Christina had been awake. She followed him soundlessly to the park, where the other gang, the Scorpions, were waiting for the fight. Leon was the first to throw a punch. The brawl was furious and quick, until only Leon and the leader of the Scorpions were on their feet, still fighting.
The gang leader shoved Leon to the ground, then drew a gun.
"NO!" Christina shrieked, and leapt in front of Leon right as the Scorpion leader shot. The bullet hit her square in the forehead. It had all happened too fast for Leon to realize what had happened until it was too late. "NO! God damn it! NO!" he had never cried before, and as he leaned over Christina, checking for a pulse and finding none, he broke into tears. He stood up angrily, "YOU SON OF A **!" he grabbed the gun out of the Scorpion leader's hand and shot him in the forehead, then broke down completely, holding Christina in his arms, close to him, and rocking her dead ody back in forth as he cried into her chest.
The police had heard about the gang fight, and arrived shortly after. The few gang members who were concious were taken to prison, the other ones were left for dead, because the majority of them were. Paramedics rushed the select few who were alive to the hospital. The police forced Leon to drop Christina, and had to carry him to the police car. He was sentenced to 8 years for involuntary man slaughter, because he had an excellent lawyer.
****** Eight years later******
The first thing Leon did when he got out of prison, was go to visit Christina's grave. He found that she didn't have one, and grew concerned with what had happened to her. He went to the house where they had lived, to find her gardening.
"CHRISTINA!" He ran over to her, "What happened?! I thought you were dead?!"
"Leon! Oh my gosh I forgot you got out today!" she jumped up and hugged him. "The bullet only pierced my skin. The force of it knocked the wind out of me. The paramedics said I died for a whole three minutes." she said, "But I'm fine."
"Oh I'm so glad you're okay."
"You still in that gang?"
He thought for a minute, about how he had felt when he thought he had lost her, "Hell no."1

Author notes

Kind of like a struggle for Leon, trying to decide who he is and what he wants. He had to decided between the gang and Christina, and thankfully chose the latter.

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Comments


  • RBPratcher
    August 3, 2006
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    A very realistic write, deeply touching.

    You've had us devestated for a moment! A very gripping story with a surprising (happy) ending. We do love happy endings! It sounds very realistic, a timely story, makes the reader wonder, is it truth -- or fiction? The story deeply touched us, maybe because we have kids around that age, maybe because so many lives are thrown away each day, or just because the strength of this love was so great.
    B&R


  • Gypsy Guru
    July 6, 2006
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    Interesting Start

    You've got so much action and so many character motives and so much information - this is like watching one of those montage clips that is a commercial for a full-length movie.

    Now - go for the movie - draw out your characters, make the scene really believeable. Right now it's hard to care a lot about Chris or Leon, whether they're dead or alive or what lessons they've learned. Why didn't she call him while he was in prison? She seems happy to see him when he returns. What was his time in jail like? How did they meet and how in the world has he hidden this from her for three years? You don't necessarily have to write all the answers into the piece, but you need to know these things to make the rest stronger.

    Keep working on it - ideas like this need a good, solid story woven around them. Good luck - Gypsy

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 2.

  • oldbill68
    June 5, 2006
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    Easy to follow dialouge

    very well written and totally beleivlable, i like your style.
    A man after my own heart, i love a good sting in the tail.

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • June 5, 2006
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    !

    This is excellent. I remember when you read it to the Comm Arts class, and you held everyone's attention for the whole thing.
    Amazing writing angel, keep it up.
    Warren

    overall: 10.