1
I’m going to introduce you to a story that I know
It started in a small town not that long ago
It’s about a millionaire who made his fortune from the sea
Fished tuna for a living but that was not his dream.2
His passion unfulfilled so he plotted out a course
To meet trainer David Hall and go searching for a horse
Didn’t care about the money he knew he’d have to pay
To win racing’s greatest prize in Melbourne on Cup day3
And so the search began and it took them far away
To a mare born in the bluegrass of Kentucky, USA
But did she have the stamina or strength to win this race?
Her pedigree suggested she was full of style and grace
So they took a punt and bought her; some would say it was sheer luck
But Tony and the trainer thought she could win the Cup4
So they brought her back to Aussie shores and embarked upon the quest
Hall trained her for the distance to compete against the best
Before the mare could race she had to have a name
That’s when Tony’s office girls stepped in to racings game
Two letters from their Christian names were written in a fever
Port Lincoln’s newest heroine was now Makybe Diva!5
In Two thousand two she started on her journey to the Cup
If Hall knew what he had, he never said as much
Tony was left guessing if his mare had what it takes
He didn’t want it left to chances or to fate
She won the Queen Elizabeth which made her jockey smile
This race was just too easy, wait until she runs two mile!6
Hall went home and planned, he plotted and he schemed
Tony returned to Adelaide a little closer to his dream
A year went by but finally she was entered for the race
As Glen Boss was legged aboard he said, ‘It’s me they’ll have to chase’!
In the stand the girls were watching with excitement and with pride
Their boss and nervous owner sitting at their side7
At ten past three they jumped, to a roar it had begun
Three minutes passed and they all knew Makybe had it won!
The rest of it was just a blur of laughter and of tears
Tony and the trainer hugged amidst a mighty cheer8
In two thousand four the trainer left Australia for Hong Kong
He said it didn’t matter as the mare was just so strong
So she was sent to Freedman’s at Rye next to the beach
The Cup this year may surely be out of Diva’s reach
She started slow and steady then Lee stepped up the plan
The Caulfield Cup she tried her best but finished with the also rans
Lee said it didn’t worry him, I’ll peak her for the test
On Tuesday in November she’ll meet and beat the best.9
That day it fast approached and she strode upon the turf
Boss said that he would make her the greatest mare on earth
Against the Irish wonder horse, Dermott’s Vinnie Roe
She’d be taking on today perhaps her hardest foe
No mare had ever won carrying her weight
But it must have been feather as she flew down the long home straight10
Number two for Tony was as good as number one
No mare had ever managed to do what she had done
Not in a hundred years had a girl won back to back
Vinnie’s trainer shook his head, it was speed the others lacked!11
He said he didn’t mind being beaten by a girl
Especially the Diva, she was the best mare in the world12
This story has not ended here, there will be a second part
When Diva goes to Europe to run in France’s Arc
So while she idles in the sun the stories will be told
About a tuna fisherman and his cups of gold
And a mare who’s life began in Kentucky, USA
Who will live life as a Diva until her last race day.13
Author notes
Makybe Diva is now the only mare in history to win 3 Melbourne Cups in a row.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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The Best Indeed!
this story had me going until it was through. the witting style made for easy reading. it was fun!
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This story really does belong in this list. It is the best story I've ever read!! The beginning was a great way to start of the story, and I especially liked the rhyming part. I always try to make my poems rhyme, too, because it makes them more fun
I liked the way you said there would be a second part, because that doesn't leave me wondering if anything will happen next. So, overall for the beginning and the ending, I give you a 9/10 (I never give anybody full marks, unless it absolutely takes my breath away. Don't take it personally, because your story almost did that.) The character were pretty well defined, so that receives pretty high marks. I always like to know who the characters are, and I thought you did that pretty well. It had a good plot, language, and dialog. I apologize for no description on the last three, I ran out of time, and I HAD to go somewhere.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Very well written. I did not see any errors.
Sue -
Fantastic
I love all your poetry and this one especially as it tells such a great tale. You really have a great beat to all your poetry and don't force rhymes. This must have taken a lot of thought but it has really paid off. Fantastic poem! Well done!beginning: 2, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Cool
I happen to love story poems and I may not know anything about horse races, I really enjoyed your tale.
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your best subject.
Hi Oz, back again.
Definately your field of expertese, a great job of storytelling, hung on every word.
I missed the Diva running in the Melbourne cup, but i will be sure to have a bet when she runs in Paris.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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A Sheer Brilliant Pros
I cannot thank you enough for posting this remarkable pros. In almost every line you used approximately twelve to fourteen syllables. I’ll get back to you when I figure out the rhyme scheme. That is one way to tell that something is poetry from a fiction story. If there is a pattern to the way the sentences are set up, then you know that it is in poem form.
I was so impressed. This sounded like a lyrical pros poem. I’d like to come back to it and try to give you a more definite conclusion as to the type of poetry it is. There are so many forms. I just loved it.
I also like to tell a story in poetry. However, this was simply superb. You should have it published. Really. Great job.
I may have a poem or two that you may like.
You will be added to one of my favs.
I'll be reading your work daily, please keep up this superb writing. And, never stop trying to create better pieces, even if you have mastered one. You have enough talent to take it all the way. For sure.
There is something that you could do that may be a great writing exercise for you and for others. You may want to rewrite the story, without any rhyming and more description, dialog. Just to get an idea of what it would sound like without the rhyme. It just may be a great way to discover a deeper meaning in the piece. It is also a good way to expand or create something new. Just a thought. Please do not delete any of the present work, I beg of you.
I just think it would be interesting to see this same work with and with out the rhyming. It would be unique to have them side by side in a matter of speaking. It would also impress a lot of Literature Educators and publishers. At least it should anyway.
Sorry for long post, I always post a long one when I am intrigued.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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A really refreshing piece, something different and yet not distractingly so. The rhyme worked well and served to push the reader's eye onward at a steady rhythm rather than seperate. A fun piece :-)
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Great rhyme
The flow and story line were both excellent. Just a minute though. I am no racegower buttwo miles in three minutes is going a bit even for an Aussiebeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Great
I love the way that this all flowed, like warm honey off a hot spoon. I'm not certain whether you were aiming for poetry or not, but this was one of those reads that I needed today. Thank you.beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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I love this story its wonderful i hope you keep up the good work, its like poem which caught me off guard. or maybe it is a poem? im not really sure all i know is that wow i could never write something like this and the title somewhat made me question reading it, im glad i did though. keep up the good work it really is good.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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GOOD STOR
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