A young bloke woke one Saturday to rain that tumbled down
He was off to ride a country race an hours drive from town
Ten mounts were his to steer before the rain appeared
Six were scratched that morning and the maiden lost as feared
A call came through from Flemington could he make it to the course?
A group one race emergency, he was needed for a horse
Head steward said ‘I’m not so sure, it really can’t be done’
But the owners of his other rides said ‘of course the boy can come’!1
Now Jason spent his childhood riding winners on the couch
He’s sit astride the armrest and practice how to crouch
Ten winners he had ridden within his brief career
Now a chance to do it, in a race with all his peers
The last group of the carnival was Emirates Classic Stakes
It was time to show them all, this boy knew how to race2
The trainer not convinced but no other made the weight
He’s only eighteen years of age; I don’t think he will rate
Jason told the owners ‘I’ll do everything I can’
They wished him all the best of luck and shook him by the hand
A nose it separated three horses on the line
But Jason’s whip was in the air, he yelled ‘This race is mine’!
A myriad of thoughts lay behind his teenage smile
First winner at the track had made the trip seem all worthwhile
Dad was there to see it amidst the owners’ happy huddle
Tears poured down unchecked as they welcomed back Sky Cuddle3
The grin that Jason wore as he came back to scale
Made us all forget the favorite ran and failed!
And as he stepped upon the stage to accept a silver cup
What a day he’d had since he had first woke up!4
Now Jason Benbow’s name is in the history book
And if you don’t believe me; well go and take a look!
His first group ride; a winner; on a horse he’d never seen
Not bad for just a skinny kid who’d only ever dreamed
But now his trophy proves it, on the mantle it will stay
And if another never comes, they can’t take this away5
So for every boy who’s dreamed a dream, this story is for you
With strength and perseverance
Dreams really do come true!
6
Author notes
Jason Benbow is a young apprentice jockey who no one really knew until he got this chance at the Spring Carnival in 2004 to ride a Group One winner. It's a true story.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Uhm. Poetic
It's very poetic, so much so, it seems like it would have been written better as a long poem. It just flowed awkwardly for me, perhaps it was the grammatical errors that caused me to read it weirdly though. It's good, just needs to be worked on, to have more flow. If that makes sense.beginning: 3, language: 1, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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This is amazing i love your writing i hope i can read more by you in the future its great
love britt -
Perfect
You hav eused a real experience and turned it into a legendary write. Good poem. Now, I'm not into horses but the fact that I got gripped into your story shows true writing ability. Like they say, a good writer is someone who can hold onto a reader that has totally different opinions and views. Excellent write.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Can't say I ever heard of the jockey, but a well told story it is. The flow and simplicity of the story is nice and makes for an enjoyable read. For someone who doesn't like horse racing it still managed to keep my attention. For that alone you should feel good about what you wrote. The only thing I would add if you were looking to make additions is a more descriptive and dramatic portrayal of the actual race. Thumbs up either way.
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Awesome
This is an amazing write, and a wonderful piece of poetry. I hadn't heard the story behind this piece, but the poem itself, is heart warming and uplifting. If I might make one suggestion, I believe you mean stear in line 3, instead of steer. Way to go with this one, keep them coming.
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Nifty!
This is a nice tribute to Jason Benbow. The rhyming seems to come easy, it's natural and the piece flows well for the most part.
The beginning (the first four lines) was the only place where I wasn't sure what was going on, but I got into it and understood as the piece progressed.
The image of the young man as boy sitting astride the couch arm pretending to jockey is priceless.
A couple typos:
hours in the second line/first stanza should be hour's
He's in the second line/second stanza should be He'd
I love the line:
"And if another never comes, they can’t take this away"
This piece is also more accessible to those of us "layfolks" who aren't steeped in the traditions of horseracing. A good crossover/large audience poem.
Thanks - Gypsybeginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Good on ya!
As a fellow Aussie I naturally enjoyed this. As someone else said, the bit where he wins the race (which is the most important) is not quite clear. And I had to add pauses, or rush over words occasionally, to make the lines scan - which is not really "on". So I feel there is more work to be done to get it spot-on. But goodonya for keeping Aussie bush poetry alive!beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Cool
You sure enjoy writing about horse riding!!! Is Jason Benbow really a race winner? Anyway, nice poem and good style. It keeps you reading to find out what happens but takes a little thought to work out what has happened. A bit confusing but all round gret poem.beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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the jury's still out.
I have to admit that i am not a big fan of rhymeing poetry, However, i have come to the conclusion that either you knew the jockey personally, or that you're reschearch was exelent, either way you deserve credit for you're effort.beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 4, overall: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Thats a new format I havent seen before. sorry for the short comment, but I am way tired. I like the story, Now I can actually say I've heard of Jason Benbow.
~Dragonoverall: 5.
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