where i want to be pt 2

Four1

do you ever notice that on most
job applications, there's a
section asking about your ethicy?2

are you:3

white
black/african-american
asain
hispanic
other__________4

I always put down: black/african-american5

will
never
do
that
again
.6

being black=no job.7

i know not all places are like this8

bigot idiots
for manegers9

racist customers.10

fact is that no matter wherever you go
people take one glance at your
color and judge you.11

here12

people do that.13

so it's hard to find a job.14

especially in an area
where whites hate blacks
black hates whites
and
chinese hate everybody
that's not chinese.15

laugh if you want to.16

but it's true.17

sometimes i wish i were white.18

if i could hide myself in that
color, my life would be so much better-as far as getting a job.19

but ma says:20

be proud of who you are.21

so i have to stop wishin'
and
just
deal
with
it
.22

my BF (best friend not boyfriend!) Kia
suggested that I scout the St. John's area
for jobs.23

better enviorment, she said
really nice people.24

she was right.25

love the atmosphere.
love the people.26

hope the maneger of TOP-H
loves me.27

cause I really need this job.28

to be on the safe side
I check29

HISPANIC30

________31

Five32

I am
chewing my bottom lip off.33

nervous
nervous
nervous34

Jonathan Fasks35

the maneger36

smiles
and
talks37

me listening
mouth sore
from
trying to hold my grin
in place.38

relax.39

Jonathan Fasks
is standing
extending his hand
for me to shake
i wipe my sweaty palms
on my pants before
taking it.40

"I'll call you Tuesday to let you know." He says.41

releif.
that's a first.
sure sign that
I might get this job.42

_________43

Six44

working for people is not
what i had in mind for my future.45

waitressing
is not a job
i want to keep forever.46

or any occupation
that requires toiling
on someone's else's property.47

and i don't mean that in
a 'Being a Slave' way.48

graduated last year
have my diploma
could have gone to
college but I didn't want to.49

ma says that I made a mistake.50

her tone says it as if
I comiited a sin.51

honestly,
college doesn't assure me that I
my future is going to be succesful.52

i don't know how to put it any
other way.53

photography is my passion
my soulmate
my boyfriend54

took summer classes
every year
studied
read books
praticed
praticed
praticed
becase that was the only way to reach perfection
ma saved up to enroll
me in a one year course in
photography
and I passed.55

why go to college?56

and
i want to travel.57

cannot do that with school work
weighing me down.58

anyway-I want to be photographer.59

photo models60

different cities61

design posters62

or 63

whatever!64

working for someone
is not what i want.65

being here is not
where i want to be66

but i feel stuck
without a plan
nowhere to go
no transportion
no money67

to escape
leave
start over
live my dream.68

so69

right now70

this is what I have to do.71

hopefully not forever.72

_________73


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