Taste of death

I was sitting by the river, listing to it rush. I was a alone, and I wanted it that way because I was angry, depressed, and confused. my mother had just left the family three days ago, and I did nothing to stop it. I watched her leave. I remember her turning back and saying "I won't come back you hear me, I've taken the last of this shit, no more"! she said that to my father. my father felt the same way I did. He only had a little more knowledge about this whole thing than me. He sat in his room the whole day Mom had left asking God for forgivness. asking him what the hell he did to make his marriage so screwed up. as far as I know my father was never anything more than polite to my mother. other then the fact when they got in arguements my father made sure it was hell. Maybe thats what went wrong?1

I don't know, but I've been coming to sit by the river every day since my mom left. my little brother stayed home, he was only 4 and my dad had to feed him and wash him and all that shit, that my mom use to do. I walked down to the edge of the river and put my hands in the ice cold water. it felt good, even though the day was already cold enough. But I had a jacket on so it didn't matter. I could run away from home and sleep here, I mean its far enough, and hidden enough so no one will find me. I don't know though dad needs me at home to help with the baby I thought. I dried my hands on my pants and started to walk towards home. it was about a mile but that was far enough. when I was about a block from my house I could hear my little brother crying and my dad calling for me, so I ran.2

"where were you stephinie, I've been looking for you for over a half an hour" Dad yelled in a kind of whiny voice.
"Sorry Dad, I went on a walk".
"Well stay home, I need you here, brandon needs you here" he paused "you're 15 years old young lady. don't you know you have more responsibilities around here than just eating and sleeping. God forbid you ever help around the house. You're going to have a lot more resposibilities around here, we don't have your Mom to help us anymore".
"Dad, I know, I'm sorry" I said rolling my eyes.
"ok, now, get your butt inside and do your homework and the dishes".
"fine" I said going inside and up the stairs.3

I didn't accually have any homework, but I stayed in my room for awhile so my dad wouldn't yell at me. I layed on my bed, and stared at the ceiling for about an hour and then I went down stairs to wash the dishes. after I washed the dishes I looked for some food, but the cuboared and fridge were empty.
"Dad, what are we suppose to eat there's no food in the house"
"um, uh I'll pick something up, just hold on a minute" dad said as he was walking in the house with Brandon. Dad sat Brandon down on a chair by the kitchen door and told him to stay with me while he went to go get some food.
"Okay, but I'm hungry now, so hurry up" Brandon said begining to get irritated. Dad left and I was left with my kid brother. 4

"steph, I'm hungry, I want a snack".
"we have no food Brandon, you'll just have to wait" I said annoyed.
"I don't wanna wait" he screamed.
"Be quiet, yellings not going to get Dad home with food any sooner".
"I want Mommy, where did she go"?
"She left Brandon, now leave me alone and just sit in your chair".
"you're mean steph, you hate Mommy don't you"?
"No brandon, just go sit in your chair" I said getting angry.
"Fine" Brandon said with a little pouty look on his face, he knew if he got me any angry I would yell at him and he did want that. after all I was my fathers daughter. 5

an hour past, and my dad was still not home. my stomach was stabbing itself telling me I had to eat or I was gonna get sick. I was sitting on the couch and watching tv when Brandon came in.
"where's daddy, I'm really really hungry".
"he'll be home soon" I said starting to wonder if he had left us too. Brandon sat on the couch with me, and curled up in a little ball. right then the door opened. It was Dad and he was finally home.
"Where were you Dad, Me and Brandon are starving". He smelt like alcohol. accually reaked of it.
"Daddy, you smell bad" Brandon said. Dad just looked at him and handed me a bag of food. it was full of hamburgers at least 12 of them.
"There, you have food for the next week" Dad said in a slurred voice. He shuffled his way upstairs while Brandon and I ate hamburgers at the kitchen table.
"Oh boy, hamburgers for a week, my favorite" Brandon squiled6

weeks went by and everyday I went to the river, and everyday my Dad would come home smelling like alcohol. doesn't he care about me and brandon?7

one day when I came home from the river Brandon was sitting on the front porch crying.
"What's wrong"
"Daddy left, he said he's sorry that he won't be coming back". My mind began to stray to possibilities of where he'd go, what he'd do.
"Come on Brandon, I'm taking you to the neighbors house". Brandon had a friend there and got a little happy that I was taking him over. we got to the neighbors house and I knocked on the door.
"Hi mrs. christianson, can Brandon play with Jeremy"?
"Of course". Brandon squiled and went inside to play with jeremy. as soon as Brandon was out of sight I started to talk to mrs. christianson.
"Can my brother stay with you guys for a few days"?
"why, is everything okay"?
"We're just having some issues at the house that we need to take care of and I don't want Brandon to be there for a few days".
"okay, thats fine just come get him when you're ready". 8

I walked to my house and sat on the front porch with my face in my hands.
"what's wrong stephanie" my friend justin said as he walked up to my house.
"My dad, he left. He's not coming back It's just like my mom". I began to cry a little. justin sat down beside me.
"Do you wanna crash at my house for a while"?
"No Its ok" I paused "But I wanna be alone right now, I'll call you tomorrow".
"okay, bye then". he left9

I went inside and switched on the tv. it was the news.
"Top story tonight. A man hangs himself in a tree at the park. he's Identified as Ryan jackson" I turned off the tv at that moment and sat on the couch, in shock. Ryan jackson is my father. Ryan jackson killed himself. I'm all alone. No mother, No father, just me and my kid brother. Nothing is left10