Sakura Ai Ni-Sar Chapter 1

Sakura Ai Ni-Sar, Saku for short, looked down from the cliff which she was perched upon at the unfolding battle on the plains below. Her long black hair waved and tossed in the wind behind her like a banner of one of the noble's houses. The purple, red, and blue in her hair glittered in the evening sun which was sinking below the horizon to her left. Her delicate and long pointed ears twitched with the sounds coming at her from below, her long fangs glittering in the fading sunlight from were they hugged her lower lip.

The battle mechs were wondrous to watch, her red eyes glittered with a deep lust to join them in the battle. She snorted with disgust. She had to wait for orders, however, her kind, the Ashtaroths, were known to loose control and become completely engrossed within the bloodlust of the battle and the screams of death and agony. The side she was fighting on this time was loosing, so they had to have time to get as many of their people out of there before allowing her free reign. She had no feelings of regret for killing someone who was supposedly an "ally" for she only served Overlord Ri-Nan, her father and her master.

Ashtaroths are notorious for their love of death and blood. They only serve their king and overruling Master, Malthus Ri-Nan. Whoever he is aligned with, that is whose side they are on, and it could change at any time, on his mighty whim. Every Leader and potential leader on this human plane was fighting for the privilege of being on the Ashtaroths good side.

It had been a good 200 years since that her kind had first come to this human plane, and by accident even. A powerful Kashna-an or warlock of her kind had opened a portal to this plane while trying to create some new spell. He had come over to investigate what he had opened and seen people, a great food source for her people and also good allies, for the time, for he saw mechs just like these. A little more primitive, but deadly and powerful none the less. Soon after hundreds of Overlord Ri-Nan's soldiers had come over and found that the mechs reacted differently with the psyche of her kind than those of humans. The Ashtaroths were powerful psychics, each great house having different powers, but all were powerful and deadly. The mechs become a part of the Ashtaroths, attached to their souls and hearts in such a way that the mechs take on a lot of their powers and personality. Humans were mere children in battle for the first time once an Ashtaroth and it's mech entered the field.

Saku watched the battle and remembered. . .

She had been a mere child when her father, the Overlord of her kind, had decided to venture to this place called Earth. He had taken her, his heir for the time, and his soldiers, or Kan-ir-ock, with them to this place. He had quickly bought the South American continent from the people, after a short show of force. He had a palace built, much grander then the one at home on Ashtar-ni-red-oth, their home plane. She had lived here now for exactly 147 years 86 days 2 hours 13 minutes and increasing seconds. This cell of disgusting slime and "You're not allowed to eat the humans". She snorted. Her life was hell here; she missed her home world, the heat, the sounds, the scents, the masses of her kind, and the food.

Her father wouldn't allow her to leave his side so long as she was his favored child and heir. She would have to battle to be the next overlord once he died, but she was the favored choice as of yet. She was completely untouchable in battle and totally one of a kind throughout any race. She was the very best fighter and hunter and everything else, as a leader should be. She was also without any conscience or regret, making her a great ally, but hells own choice as an enemy.

She remembered walking through the whole as a child and seeing the dense tropical surrounding her on the Southern continent that was now hers. She as in awe of all the sounds, vegetation, and animals. She had found a leopard cub after but a few days of living there and kept it as a pet, naming her Namra Kai Ni-Sar. She was a ferocious hunter and wonderful companion. They had been together ever since, being a favored pet, Namra had had her life extended with a dosage of Ashtaroth blood, Saku's own, making them both powerful and deadly, different.

Namra, in fact, was never far from Saku and was sitting by her side on the cliff; her black spotted coat had taken on the purples, reds, and blues of Saku's own hair coming into her fur. Her fangs had extended and her ears and eyes made even better. A much better specimen than any other on this planet.

"Earth. I hate this place. Why Father insists that we need this place as a foothold for more land, I do not understand Namra. He is so difficult sometimes." She hissed. "But I must stay and do whatever he says, for if I fall out of favor, I am done for by my other siblings. He has favored me since my conception." She hissed again, her blood red eyes began to glow as the stars came out on the blanket of night that had been spread.

Namra merely nodded than froze as the voice from the radio came on. "Sakura, you may now enter the game. Make me proud Kattan-rei-Nok." The Overlord’s voice cut off and she didn't even bother to respond. She laughed and turned, her hair quickly falling as all the winds stop playing over her. "Now I get to play, hmmm?" She laughed again, delighted. She let loose on the hold she had held over herself, allowing her natural killers instinct to take over.

She jumped up into the cockpit of her mech and sat. It turned on and the hatch closed without her even having done anything. Her mech Gin Shoukan rose to the battle in anticipation.

"We move silently Gin and I will make sure you aren't touched by a single bullet or sword or laser, deal?" She asked in a blood lust filled voice.

The mech seemed to grin at her. "Affirmative Mistress Saku."

With that, they were off towards the battle on impossibly soft feet. There had been a few mechs left to make it seem like there was still a fight going on, and they understood that if they didn't get out of there as soon as she came upon them, they were dead and it was their own fault. She smiled. "Maybe I can wait a few before anyone comes to find out how it went. “She mused to herself. "You think I could do it Gin?" She asked her precious mech. Namra was running alongside Saku in a special made mech for mer. It was in the shape of a great cat, silver and gleaming with black and red. These are all Saku's colors. What identifies her as heir and herself within her people. Even the humans had come to know her colors and fear them. She turned around some rocks and saw the battle taking place and her blood sang.

"It's time Gin. Let us make this a wonderful battle and great death for those here." With that said she let the rest of her control fall away, leaving behind nothing but a bloodthirsty and unregretable killer, predator, animal.

"Affirmative." Gin replied before leaping into the air and going for the first enemy mech, allowing their "allies" to leave as quickly as possible.

She had gone through five of the enemies before they realized who they were fighting and began to run, she couldn't allow such cowardice, however. She attacked every one of them, dodging anything that was fired at her, and she only killed two of her "allies".

The battle was over and her mech opened, she went in search of some good blood to snack on. She sniffed the air delicately and headed towards some rocks, Namra joined her, sniffing as well. "A strong one, still living Namra. He smells wonderful." She breathed deeply as she leaped into the air and looked at the cliffs with her psychic senses.

There was a man; he was barely injured, and huge. All rippling muscle and broad shoulders. His blood red hair was long and pointing gout all over his head, his eyes were almond shaped and an incredibly vivid greed with red specks. He had a pool of blood slowly gathering beneath him from the tear of his flesh on his left side.

“Well . . . Hello human.” She purred out as she sniffed the air some more. His blood smelled so sweet. She allowed herself to fall to earth right above the niche he had found himself inside the cliff a bit. She smiled and bared her fangs to the moonlight. She fell down to the opening on silent feet and stood there watching him for a second before stepping foreword. He had his eyes closed and seemed to be sleeping and waiting for sunrise.

She went to him silently and moved to stand behind him. She leaned down to his neck ad sighed with pleasure. “Hello . . . Human.” She said softly.

1

Author notes

This is an Adult Fantasy erotica. I have just started, but they are the categories it is under so far. This also allos me to curse if I feel like it. Very darka nd Vampiresk, demonoid, etc. Enjoy and please tell me waht you think.

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • redbewitch
    July 12, 2006

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    Good start

    Nice. Freat imagery. A little too wordy is some places try simpifing sentences by reworking some of your descriptive phrases. I also enjoyed your description of the Ashtaroths. I would have like you to elaborate on the relationship between Ashtaroths and mechs though, it sound interesting but the description was a bit confusing.

    beginning: 3, language: 1, plot: 3, characters: 3.


  • DennisP1
    June 25, 2006
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    Nicely done

    2nd paragraph third line..Loose should be lose
    also fith line loosing shoud be losing

    4th paragraph first line.. suggest dropping the word 'that' .. distracting. also 4th line.. seen should be saw..suggest drop comma and add 'as' in its place

    7th stanza...Whole? or is it hole that you mean?
    2nd line.. as should be was next to last line.. drop one of the 'had's

    I tried to track some of the things I found as I read. In no way does it reflect a distast in your work..

    As a matter of fact I was quite enthralled. I hope you decide to create another chapter.

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.


  • sheissounsure
    June 1, 2006
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    I rather like this introduction to this character and it seems like it's going to be a good story

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, overall: 7, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Cannonsfire
    May 30, 2006
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    Great Start

    Needs some spell checking in places but the plot and storyline is good. It draws you in to be able to imagine what you are reading and that is a sign of a god author. Write on!

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 5, overall: 6, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.

  • metcher
    May 26, 2006
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    Cool!

    Thats really good and you've left it open for another part. It has really good describing words and you set the scene really well. There are a few errors that i would like to point out to you:

    1. The side she was fighting on this time was "loosing"

    2. You said the cat was "mer' insted of her.

    There is another where you said "color" but alright if you come from America.

    One last hint is that you have used a lot of names and when you are reading it, it can get quite confusing especially because the names are similar and because they are in and ancient language.

    This story is more like an introduction rather then a story becasue it doens't have a plot or story line. It mainly describes what is happening in the story.

    Overall, i really liked the story and i will be checking if there is another part!
    Keep it up.

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 2, overall: 9, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 2.


  • Naraku No Hana
    May 24, 2006
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    Wow!

    I thought this piece was amazing. Usually I get distracted when reading stories but this had me hooked! It left me needing to read more! I desperately want to know what happens and understand what is going on. Fantastic write, written brilliantly. I hope to see more of your story. Keep me posted!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, overall: 9, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

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