Chasin' That Sky

I knew exactly what I was doing. If anybody-the news, the paper, police, family, friends- tell you otherwise, just know that they're wrong. I was in my sane thoughts at the time and I knew exactly what I was doing. 1

I knew that this time I wouldn't walk out alive. It wasn't just a plea for attention. I knew my fate was sealed and I did it anyway. It was something I needed to do.2

See, I've fought a long hard battle and to tell you the truth, even Brutus knew when to give up and call it quits, so if that Roman loser could know, so could I. My battles weren't on the plains of Philipi,of course, mine were in and outside of my head. 3

The therapists, the counselors, they call this depression. But I know the truth. Depression doesn't even begin to describe these thoughts and what I felt. It isn't just lows, it's like devestating punches to the head-if you need a metephor. It's like wolverines ripping into that fragile skin that attatched to your forhead and, hell, they rip off (or out) your genitals while you're at it. It sucks and no meds could ever help me. No talks, no pills, no asylums could ever make me happy. And that's why I did what I had to do. That's why I drove my baby, my 1970 black Chevelle(how I loved that car), off the cliff of our south western town.4

But let me tell you something: That view from up there is amazing. Those last seconds before I plumeted down and smashed my skull against the roof of my baby were magic. They were a taste of Heaven. Everything was at peace, GN'R blasting on my radio, those clouds so puffy and that shy so blue. I had beaten my depression down with a bloody baseball bat and my thoughts were clear. This was my moment when I let everything go. This was my true happiness.5

So don't let the pictures from the police report frighten y'all now. Just know something: It was all worth it, kid, and I'm flying above the stars now...wherever this place may be.6