Hello Daddy,
I haven't seen you for two weeks now daddy. Mummy says your not coming back. I don't believe her. She says that you would come back, but you can't. She says that you're very, very happy, 'cos you're in heaven. But I don't think that you can be happy because you said that you loved my mummy, and you loved me. But we're not there, are we daddy?
It's my birthday tomorrow. I wish you were here. I miss you. I start school soon. Mummy says that she'll take me, but I wish that you would drive me. Mummy's gone back to normal. I've got a new sister. Mummy says that she came out of mummy's tummy and that's why she was fat. I told her I didn't think she was ever fat. She giggled. But then she cried. She does that loads now. I can hear her at night. She cries even more that the baby does. We named the baby for you. Mummy said that you liked the name Haley. So that's her name now. Mummy cries because she says that Haley will never see you. But you wouldn't leave us, would you daddy?
Love
Callie
xxxx
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wow. This story is bittersweet. You show the little girl's naivetivness (is that a word ?) and innocence while telling us the the story as well. This story was very sad and i feel sorry for the little girl. She doesn't understand what is really happening and the mother is going through a tough time trying to explain the event in the less hurting way possible. I cried when i read this.
Amazing job. =) -
OOOOOOOO
O.o
awww bittersweet/.
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swooo sweet ohhh poor thing!
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good, but too short
surprise content, but oo mature to be written by a 5 year old -
Awww this is soo sad...
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the quick comment thing is horrible keeps cutting off my comments sry but this was really good.
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that was supposed to say wow lol sr
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wo
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I cried. It's very good.
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Wow, this was so emotional and short. The emotions were perfect and the child not understanding the truth was perfect. I disliked nothing in this piece and how you portrayed the five year old was amazing.
I think you should have a little introduction about how the child wrote this or something. Other than that I really liked it!
Keep writing!
Cheers,
VW -
I lost my father, too when i was six.
Interesting how you dealt with this loss.
I hated Dad for dying on us.
He was killed in NY. -
Well the story is sweetly sad, but needs some clean up even though written in a childs voice, the writing should be propper such as Daddy Mommy so on, but it is sweetly sad either way.
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This almost made me cry! It was so sad but really good..... amazing! I really liked it!
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This was soooooo sweet!
I loved how you did this in the view of a five year old very well done. I also love how you wrote, what you said and how you said it, oh for goodness sake, I just love everything about this write!
Clever, sad and sweet last line.
Great Write!
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Very emotional and a good portrayal of age range and innocence. Something I myself am trying in my writing to be empathic with young children and write from their perception. Well done x
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its probably the best thing ive read on this site so far
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loved it
it caught my eye and hooked me!! -
nice!!!
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I almost cried, this is beautiful. It's so innocent but true. Even though in this story Daddy is dead, it reminds me very much of my parent's divorce. ~(my dad walked out)~ there's definately a good voice to this. GREAT JOB.
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that just blew me away
you captured so so much -
Very,very sad.It was very....just.....brilliant,really.The way you could capture emotions of pain the way you did.It made me feel so depressed about the part with the mother crying late at night.
"But you wouldn't leave us, would you daddy?"
what a heartbreaking ending.i sympathize for all like this girl.Why must the innocent be hurt so young?
Great work! -
Wow - unbeleivably heart-wrenching. I can see why this is on the top popular story list.
I can relate to the kid.. well done -
Aww! This was the sweetest and saddest story, but it was great! Awesome job!
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That reminds me of my dad.
I miss my daddy,Him and my moma broke up I don't keep in touch.but the story is so sad I loved it I would like to bring it in to my teacher.cya
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Thank you for your kind comments! Its a shame that you don't speak to your dad, but you're obviously really, really talented! Thank you for reading my story! Os, love the youtube link on your page! Love, Sarah
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Amazing
I agree with xCeleryx-xChipx. The song is called Heaven (9/11 remix) by DJ Sammy. Your writing style is amazing, it's beautiful if I could write like that I would be happy but I suck so lol. Anyways, keep writing you are amazazing
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Touching! :)
This reminds me of the song 9/11, or whatever it's called when this girl says now your in heaven. Aww, this really is sad, and now, you remind me of all the people who I know who died, and you really touched my heart with this cute letter. Awesome!
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Sad
Well, honestly, it's really sweet and sad and sentimental but I thought that it was kind of cut off and cheesy towards the end. You should have made it seem like he left the family or something at first then sort of drop the bombshell about heaven at the end. It wasn't that original, but I loved it all the same.
Kudos!
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Well written. Emotional but not an unusual story. Might sell to a Military Publication, with the war in progress.
Well written. Emotional but not an unusual story. Might sell to a Military Publication, with the war in progress.
Since I enjoy children’s viewpoint, we have a couple dozen around here, I fine it easy to compare your dialogue. It seems your kid is a better communicator than mine—but that’s all right, he is a boy.
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This is very heartbreaking. I feel so sorry for Callie because it's like she just doesn't understand that her father can't really come back. I dont know how the mother can stand life when she was suddenly left alone with such a burden. This is really well written and very sad. Well done.
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