Hello Daddy (I'm 5)



Hello Daddy,

I haven't seen you for two weeks now daddy. Mummy says your not coming back. I don't believe her. She says that you would come back, but you can't. She says that you're very, very happy, 'cos you're in heaven. But I don't think that you can be happy because you said that you loved my mummy, and you loved me. But we're not there, are we daddy?

It's my birthday tomorrow. I wish you were here. I miss you. I start school soon. Mummy says that she'll take me, but I wish that you would drive me. Mummy's gone back to normal. I've got a new sister. Mummy says that she came out of mummy's tummy and that's why she was fat. I told her I didn't think she was ever fat. She giggled. But then she cried. She does that loads now. I can hear her at night. She cries even more that the baby does. We named the baby for you. Mummy said that you liked the name Haley. So that's her name now. Mummy cries because she says that Haley will never see you. But you wouldn't leave us, would you daddy?

Love
Callie
xxxx


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Comments

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  • makemebreakme555
    November 27
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    Wow. This story is bittersweet. You show the little girl's naivetivness (is that a word ?) and innocence while telling us the the story as well. This story was very sad and i feel sorry for the little girl. She doesn't understand what is really happening and the mother is going through a tough time trying to explain the event in the less hurting way possible. I cried when i read this.

    Amazing job. =)

  • OOOOOOOO

    O.o awww bittersweet/.

  • swooo sweet ohhh poor thing!

  • terri
    September 15
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    good, but too short

    surprise content, but oo mature to be written by a 5 year old


  • cole3313
    September 7
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    Awww this is soo sad...


  • alena austin
    July 19
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    the quick comment thing is horrible keeps cutting off my comments sry but this was really good.


  • alena austin
    July 19
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    that was supposed to say wow lol sr


  • alena austin
    July 19
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    wo


  • pink polka
    July 16
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    I cried. It's very good.

  • Wow, this was so emotional and short. The emotions were perfect and the child not understanding the truth was perfect. I disliked nothing in this piece and how you portrayed the five year old was amazing.

    I think you should have a little introduction about how the child wrote this or something. Other than that I really liked it!

    Keep writing!

    Cheers,

    VW

  • I lost my father, too when i was six.
    Interesting how you dealt with this loss.
    I hated Dad for dying on us.
    He was killed in NY.

  • Well the story is sweetly sad, but needs some clean up even though written in a childs voice, the writing should be propper such as Daddy Mommy so on, but it is sweetly sad either way.

  • This almost made me cry! It was so sad but really good..... amazing! I really liked it!


  • Sekhmet Kitty
    April 14
    Edit | Reply
    This was soooooo sweet!
    I loved how you did this in the view of a five year old very well done. I also love how you wrote, what you said and how you said it, oh for goodness sake, I just love everything about this write!
    Clever, sad and sweet last line.
    Great Write!


  • huntinger
    April 8

    Edit | Reply
    Very emotional and a good portrayal of age range and innocence. Something I myself am trying in my writing to be empathic with young children and write from their perception. Well done x


  • scriptor
    April 7
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    its probably the best thing ive read on this site so far


  • Missi
    February 21
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    loved it

    it caught my eye and hooked me!!


  • Princess Peaches
    February 7
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    nice!!!


  • zuzi94
    January 19

    Edit | Reply
    I almost cried, this is beautiful. It's so innocent but true. Even though in this story Daddy is dead, it reminds me very much of my parent's divorce. ~(my dad walked out)~ there's definately a good voice to this. GREAT JOB.

  • that just blew me away

    you captured so so much

  • Very,very sad.It was very....just.....brilliant,really.The way you could capture emotions of pain the way you did.It made me feel so depressed about the part with the mother crying late at night.


    "But you wouldn't leave us, would you daddy?"

    what a heartbreaking ending.i sympathize for all like this girl.Why must the innocent be hurt so young? Cry


    Great work!


  • Sailor Moon
    October 14, 2007
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    Wow - unbeleivably heart-wrenching. I can see why this is on the top popular story list.
    I can relate to the kid.. well done

  • yourhot21
    September 16, 2007
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    Aww! This was the sweetest and saddest story, but it was great! Awesome job!


  • xXxOnceuponanemoxXx
    August 28, 2007
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    That reminds me of my dad.

    I miss my daddy,Him and my moma broke up I don't keep in touch.but the story is so sad I loved it I would like to bring it in to my teacher.cya


    • Everybody Lies
      October 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your kind comments! Its a shame that you don't speak to your dad, but you're obviously really, really talented! Thank you for reading my story! Os, love the youtube link on your page! Love, Sarah

  • Gabany
    August 22, 2007
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    Amazing

    I agree with xCeleryx-xChipx. The song is called Heaven (9/11 remix) by DJ Sammy. Your writing style is amazing, it's beautiful if I could write like that I would be happy but I suck so lol. Anyways, keep writing you are amazazing


  • Lethal Contessa
    August 18, 2007

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    Touching! :)

    This reminds me of the song 9/11, or whatever it's called when this girl says now your in heaven. Aww, this really is sad, and now, you remind me of all the people who I know who died, and you really touched my heart with this cute letter. Awesome!

  • nicachua
    July 30, 2007
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    Sad

    Well, honestly, it's really sweet and sad and sentimental but I thought that it was kind of cut off and cheesy towards the end. You should have made it seem like he left the family or something at first then sort of drop the bombshell about heaven at the end. It wasn't that original, but I loved it all the same.
    Kudos!

  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    July 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Well written. Emotional but not an unusual story. Might sell to a Military Publication, with the war in progress.



    Well written. Emotional but not an unusual story. Might sell to a Military Publication, with the war in progress.
    Since I enjoy children’s viewpoint, we have a couple dozen around here, I fine it easy to compare your dialogue. It seems your kid is a better communicator than mine—but that’s all right, he is a boy.


  • Isabella Swan
    July 26, 2007
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    This is very heartbreaking. I feel so sorry for Callie because it's like she just doesn't understand that her father can't really come back. I dont know how the mother can stand life when she was suddenly left alone with such a burden. This is really well written and very sad. Well done.

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