Hello Daddy,
I haven't seen you for two weeks now daddy. Mummy says your not coming back. I don't believe her. She says that you would come back, but you can't. She says that you're very, very happy, 'cos you're in heaven. But I don't think that you can be happy because you said that you loved my mummy, and you loved me. But we're not there, are we daddy?
It's my birthday tomorrow. I wish you were here. I miss you. I start school soon. Mummy says that she'll take me, but I wish that you would drive me. Mummy's gone back to normal. I've got a new sister. Mummy says that she came out of mummy's tummy and that's why she was fat. I told her I didn't think she was ever fat. She giggled. But then she cried. She does that loads now. I can hear her at night. She cries even more that the baby does. We named the baby for you. Mummy said that you liked the name Haley. So that's her name now. Mummy cries because she says that Haley will never see you. But you wouldn't leave us, would you daddy?
Love
Callie
xxxx
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 94 of 94
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oh my god, this is so sad!
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This story is so sad.. It really shows how sad the girl is and how a 5 year old would write a letter
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Awww...
How... I want to say sweet because it is, but at the same time it's sad. I wish I had better words... I need more words. Beautiful irony may be the best way to call it. I don't want to say "emo" because it is... innocent. You've caught me off guard here, and that rarely happens. lol... but at the same time... sniffle. very good. applause with tears. -
;(
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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no words..
i dont even know what to say..it was so sad.... D;
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aww this is so sad
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How sad, but at the same time, how true. So many children, close to half, experience something like this, something that everyone seems to neglect, thinking that it won't happen.
This was great, it captured the innocence of a four-going-five year old perfectly, it's as if, while reading this, I couldn't help but feel like the father. If I was her father and I saw this letter, I would be an idiot not to come back to her, no matter what the circumstances were.
And as a last word; WOW!
language: 5, plot: 5, characters: 5.
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WOW
it's such a good SHORT story it's one of THE most popular!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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BEAUTFUL~
ITS SO SAD!!! T______T -
OMFG
that was amazing
i burst into tears it was beautiful... -
It reminded me of other books I have read, and had the same impact. I like it. Please don't stop writing
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Excellent is all i can say!!
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aaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. that's so saaad.
i see a lot of people liked it. of course,i'm not sure if it's POSSIBLE not to like it. it was a m a z i n g! 
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Sob
That's so heartfelt and loving, I love it. It makes people think way harder. Poor Callie. Lovely letter and "story."beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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This was heart breaking. I thought it was very well written, and you did a terrific job of injecting the innocence of the child into the writing.
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This is really good. I like the purposeful use of miniscule grammar mistakes, they make it really sad and like Callie is really writing this. I like that you showed it all so well through the innocent eyes of a little girl, it made it more real, touching, and heartfelt. The poor girl doesn't even understand what's happening, that's probably the saddest part. And the mom crying all the time...even though this was short, I could picture it all happening. Well done.
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D=
Its like.... uber sad.... D=
very good
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That was truly amazing, I loved it!
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How sad!
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Wow. This story is bittersweet. You show the little girl's naivetivness (is that a word ?) and innocence while telling us the the story as well. This story was very sad and i feel sorry for the little girl. She doesn't understand what is really happening and the mother is going through a tough time trying to explain the event in the less hurting way possible. I cried when i read this.
Amazing job. =)beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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OOOOOOOO
O.o
awww bittersweet/.
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swooo sweet ohhh poor thing!
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good, but too short
surprise content, but oo mature to be written by a 5 year old -
Awww this is soo sad...
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the quick comment thing is horrible keeps cutting off my comments sry but this was really good.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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that was supposed to say wow lol sr
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wo
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I cried. It's very good.
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Wow, this was so emotional and short. The emotions were perfect and the child not understanding the truth was perfect. I disliked nothing in this piece and how you portrayed the five year old was amazing.
I think you should have a little introduction about how the child wrote this or something. Other than that I really liked it!
Keep writing!
Cheers,
VW -
I lost my father, too when i was six.
Interesting how you dealt with this loss.
I hated Dad for dying on us.
He was killed in NY. -
Well the story is sweetly sad, but needs some clean up even though written in a childs voice, the writing should be propper such as Daddy Mommy so on, but it is sweetly sad either way.
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This almost made me cry! It was so sad but really good..... amazing! I really liked it!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This was soooooo sweet!
I loved how you did this in the view of a five year old very well done. I also love how you wrote, what you said and how you said it, oh for goodness sake, I just love everything about this write!
Clever, sad and sweet last line.
Great Write!
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Very emotional and a good portrayal of age range and innocence. Something I myself am trying in my writing to be empathic with young children and write from their perception. Well done x
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its probably the best thing ive read on this site so far
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loved it
it caught my eye and hooked me!! -
nice!!!
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I almost cried, this is beautiful. It's so innocent but true. Even though in this story Daddy is dead, it reminds me very much of my parent's divorce. ~(my dad walked out)~ there's definately a good voice to this. GREAT JOB.
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that just blew me away
you captured so so much -
Very,very sad.It was very....just.....brilliant,really.The way you could capture emotions of pain the way you did.It made me feel so depressed about the part with the mother crying late at night.
"But you wouldn't leave us, would you daddy?"
what a heartbreaking ending.i sympathize for all like this girl.Why must the innocent be hurt so young?
Great work! -
Wow - unbeleivably heart-wrenching. I can see why this is on the top popular story list.
I can relate to the kid.. well done -
Aww! This was the sweetest and saddest story, but it was great! Awesome job!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 2.
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That reminds me of my dad.
I miss my daddy,Him and my moma broke up I don't keep in touch.but the story is so sad I loved it I would like to bring it in to my teacher.cya
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you for your kind comments! Its a shame that you don't speak to your dad, but you're obviously really, really talented! Thank you for reading my story! Os, love the youtube link on your page! Love, Sarah
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Amazing
I agree with xCeleryx-xChipx. The song is called Heaven (9/11 remix) by DJ Sammy. Your writing style is amazing, it's beautiful if I could write like that I would be happy but I suck so lol. Anyways, keep writing you are amazazing
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Touching! :)
This reminds me of the song 9/11, or whatever it's called when this girl says now your in heaven. Aww, this really is sad, and now, you remind me of all the people who I know who died, and you really touched my heart with this cute letter. Awesome!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Sad
Well, honestly, it's really sweet and sad and sentimental but I thought that it was kind of cut off and cheesy towards the end. You should have made it seem like he left the family or something at first then sort of drop the bombshell about heaven at the end. It wasn't that original, but I loved it all the same.
Kudos!
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Well written. Emotional but not an unusual story. Might sell to a Military Publication, with the war in progress.
Well written. Emotional but not an unusual story. Might sell to a Military Publication, with the war in progress.
Since I enjoy children’s viewpoint, we have a couple dozen around here, I fine it easy to compare your dialogue. It seems your kid is a better communicator than mine—but that’s all right, he is a boy.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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This is very heartbreaking. I feel so sorry for Callie because it's like she just doesn't understand that her father can't really come back. I dont know how the mother can stand life when she was suddenly left alone with such a burden. This is really well written and very sad. Well done.
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Holey shit this was sad as and so emotional
Gret work keep ut up
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Powerful
THis was a really powerful storylive, but I do think that more could have been added to it, it lacked somrthing. Keep on writing! -
sweet
this was touching, but not as original as expected. -
This was good but it really lacked a lot. I didn't feel much emotional attachment to any of the charecters. It was realistic but at the same time cleche. I have mixed feelings for this story. I wish it was a little more beleiveable.
beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 2, ending: 2, dialog: 1, characters: 2.
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I agree completely.
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O-M-G
That was soo sad. I actually got tears in my eyes. Powerful. I love it. Good job writing this. If this actually happened to you--dude, that totally sucks.
This was SOO good. Thanks for writing it.
kisstherain-♥->
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that is such a sweet sad story
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awesome
that was really good and very well written. it sounded like you really connected to the young child narrating the story. but i hope this was not based on a true story that happened to you, because then i would really feel your sadness, but i wouldn't be able to relate as much as you. i hope you write more and i'll check out some more of your stories! -
I absolutly love this story! Have i said that before? well anyways i love it!
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The golden story.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I MISTED UP
THAT WAS A HEARTBREAKING STORY. THAT POOR CHILD, AND THAT POOR POOR MOM TO LOOSE HER HUSBAND WHILE PREGNANT. HOW DREADFUL.
GREAT JOB ON CAPTURING THE DRAMA BEHIND SUCH A SERIOUS TOPIC. -
Cute and sad at the same time. It is sad that her dad didn't come home for her birthday. You captured this story wonderfully.
October -
very sad, very cute. it makes my heart ache for this little girl. i wish that her daddy could come home to her for her birhtday, too!
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This is really really sad. I loved how the writing was good, yet you captured the writing of the five year old so well. Great piece.
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That's so0o0o0o sad. And she doesn't know! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Great story, though. WAAAAAAAAAAA
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that was so sad.... Those kind of letters are so sweet. The fact that Callie is so clueless makes it even sadder. Good job!
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That's so sad! I love little letters from kids like that, their innocence so touching and all that.
But I do wonder just how much she misses her daddy. She goes on to explain what's going on in her life, but not really showing her wanting Daddy back. Could just be me though. I still liked it.
Sweetest of dreams! ~D
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Great, very sad though. It was interesting how its in a little kid's point of view. Very great job.
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I love it!
It's sad. I read it to my mother, who nearly cried. I loved it. -
Heart rending. Simple and in a child's words is about as touching as this can get.
I like how straightforeward it is, no hidden twists and turns.
Mommy cries more than Haley just screams for the depth of love the woman had for her husband.
Now I wish my goose bumps would go away.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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You'd pack a much better punch with this letter if you left out the "She says that you would come back, but you can't... 'cos you're in heaven" stuff right until the very end.
Make it seem more like the father really has simply just gone away, but at the end drop the fact that the father is probably dead onto the reader. Instead, you've played all your cards from the start, and instead of any sort of shock of sympathy, this becomes cheesy very quickly.
You'd be even better off to give some deeper historical context to this piece than just a date, and perhaps some explanation of where or why the father went (or what the excuse given by the mother was). There's a problem with the emotional attachment to the letter-writer because there's no specificity of explicit circumstances given. The more concrete and "real" we find the girl to be, the more endearing and heartbreaking we will find this.
You might also consider expanding this piece a bit, it's a tad short. -
Awww
I'm a 17 year old boy, and that actually choked me up. Read some of my stories, and you'll see through my personality that that's hard to do...
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Excellent
That makes me want to cry, but I have to be strong for you. It must be hard without ur father. I'm soooooo sorry.It was sad, but good.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This is so sad, it made me ant to cry!
I love how you wrote this from a little child's point of view...
Very good!
Annie
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Aww... aw, that's sad. But I agree with storyqueen. Much of the impact was lost, for various reasons, and while I'm sure you don't really want to go back and edit it now, the story might benefit because of it.
I like the idea, though. -
interesting idea
It was clever to use a letter, but I didn't really make the emotional connection. I think you could improve it a lot by not mentioning that the father is dead until the very end. In the beginning she could say: "I wish you weren't away. When will you be coming back?" etc. etc. and then somehow the part about heaven comes up. I think it would make a nice twist. -
Its sweet and innocent, reminds me of a song that I got sent to me one time after the 9/11 bombings.
Its realistic and really nicely written
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original idea, but I wasn't entirely convinced by the voice of the young girl.
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Wow, Blown away
I really liked this stories originality, it was really good. its very short, but thats good, im not a big reader. the story hit me in a spot i didnt know was there until i read this story. it would be tremendously hard to lose anyone close to you, especially a parent and at such a young age it would be difficult, well done.
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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close to home
very well written, very sad concept. my father died on christmas eve when i was two and my mother was pregnant with my brother so i can relate to this story. i liked the way that you displayed the confusion of callie, and how she didn't understand the concept of death, well done.
parissbeginning: 4, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 4, characters: 2.
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hhmmmm
well written but does a letter, even a fictional one count as a story? i guess it depends on whose counting.
dave ochs -
thats sooo sad!
I liked it, it was very well writenbeginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, overall: 6, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Sad and sweet
This tugs at your heartstrings and is a very emotional piece of writing. Enjoyed it very much, you give great empathy to both characters and readers alike.beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, overall: 7, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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I think it's sad and incredibly sweet at the same time. You capture the innocence and emotion well. I think the way the short sentences are structured add to the voice. A good job
overall: 5.
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Wow this is a very emotional piece, and also very sad. Its a piece that can bring tears to ones eyes because of its innocence and what is in the writing. Keep up the great work.
overall: 9.
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I'm sorry but I can't imagine a little girl calling her mother mummy. I've just never heard it before. I do appreciate the fact that the vocab sounds like it belongs to a 5 year old, and she's pretty innocent to her father's death. I think the saddest part of all is her hope that he'll return.
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WOW
I like how you chose your words... It's really like a chid writing it, the innocent naive words of a child made it look more realistic.
It's really a very emotional story, portraying a very depressing emotion that makes you cry...
Callie's innocent words really struck me here... A little innocent girl who lost her father in a young age... that would be a great burden to carry for me and the questions she asked to her father just made me sob...
I wish you joined the something sad contest...this would surely win... anyway...GREAT JOB!!!beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, overall: 10, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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SWEET!
AWWWW!beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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SO SWEET
It brings tears to my eyes. The story seems just like a 5 yr old writing to her daddy. The emotions are there in every word, which makes it more then another story. I love the dialogue. It's so sweet and innocent and I'm crying. Great Job.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, overall: 9, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Aww
This was so expressive. You really put across the full picture of the little 5 year old's emotions.
Moon Bless.beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, overall: 9, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I loved it.
This story is very telling, almost like you've lived through this experience. Great Job.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, overall: 7, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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though it's short you've managed to capture the whole story...this was perfect, sounding exactly like a letter from a five year old....very sad
overall: 6.
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Life goes on.
The eyes of a child seeing things and telling them to us. Not being able to be driven to school by Daddy. Or ever getting to do anything with him again. Right before my Daddy died when I was 13 we started a hike. We did not finish it. He promised me that he would. But of course we never did get to. My Daddy's mode of getting to work was walking. I am 51 today but all my life I have been walking to work just like him. I guess I am trying to complete a walk that will never be...so I keep on walking alone. A very good write.beginning: 5, language: 5, overall: 8, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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So incredibly bitter-sweet, this story says so much by saying very little. I love the way it shows us the events rather than tells us, and through the eyes of a child trying to make sense out of something that even adults can barely accept or understand. Made me want to hug the kid and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Cheers for a great, deceptively simple read! Well done!
overall: 7.
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Amazingly Genuis
OK this is what i think. i think it is perfect. i mean its nieve with a twist of sadness for someone to do that is amazing. it is sad. and for a 5 year old to know so muchis beyond me, but amazingbeginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 1.
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