The Journey of a Prince

CHAPTER ONE
The sound of metal on metal rang out in the large courtyard. The smooth sound was cut short by a quick clanking noise as the swords locked in combat together. The two figures were fighting ferociously, one in white and the other in black. The latter was stepping closer to the white clad man, pushing him further against a wall. He was retaliating impressively, holding back the black clothed man as long as possible. With one quick leap, he was pinned against the wall with the shadow-man’s sword held close to his neck. The silver edge rested lightly on the tense flesh on his neck. The man dressed in white was breathing cautiously, not wanting to let the blade eat away at his flesh. The blade caught of the fine silver chain that swung dangerously. He dropped his sword, rubbing his neck as the other male stepped away from him. 1

“Did you have to cut it that fine?” he mumbled, picking his sword up. He carefully ran a finger across the chain, checking for any breaks. Luckily, there were none and he sighed with relief. The other man slung his arm around his neck, laughing loudly.2

“Come now, brother! Where is the fun in unchallenging sword play?” he said laughingly, ruffling his hair. The slightly younger male pulled away, grumbling. He sheathed his sword and followed in the footsteps of his older sibling. He was shouting and chuckling ahead of him, bathing in his glory. The younger and lighter haired one of the two flexed his arm painfully, wincing slightly. He didn’t let on to his injury, but instead he bid farewell to his brother, heading off to the left.3

He heaved a sigh of relief, glad to get some peace and quiet. His hand automatically went to the red amulet that swung loosely around his neck. It was decorated with delicate silver patterns that curled and entwined with each other. In the tranquil castle gardens a bird chirruped and the flowers were starting to bloom. Although the weather was drab and dismal, spring was his favourite season. The flower petals were starting to unfurl, the vibrant greens just beginning to show. A small animal scurried past to his left and he smiled, breathing in the heavily perfumed air. His father often got cross with him for spending too much time wandering the huge gardens instead of practising his skills with a blade. 4

“My boy,” he often said, “If you spent half as much time with a sword as you do roaming the grounds, you would be able to beat your brother. Just once I’d like to see it happen” At this comment, he would just hang his head and try to conceal his flaming cheeks by his long, fair hair. 5

He bent his knees and sat on the floor languidly, stretching his legs out. The long grasses and flowers covered him, keeping him hidden. Above him, the cherry blossom trees that lined the garden were flowering and emitting a sweet smell. He released a held breath, shocking himself. He leant back on his arm and gasped, cradling it protectively in his arm. He stood up, checking his servant’s clothes. They were always his preference – royalty was only worn when force was used. The only thing he kept that his family had presented him with was his amulet. He had strived hard to gain it, and he wasn’t going to let it out of his sight. He pulled the tie out his hair and let it hang in his face. He strode out the garden, checking left and right before he entered the building.6

His footsteps echoed as he picked up his pace, avoiding the people who could question him. He heard the echo of someone else’s footsteps and flattened himself against a wall, still managing to look elegant whilst doing so. His chest was heaving as he hoped and prayed that the person would pass, leaving him unnoticed. The footsteps died away and he breathed out, flattening the skirt of his tunic. He tilted his head forwards so that his long straight hair cast shadows over his handsome face. 7

He approached a heavy door cautiously, knocking three times – one long rap and two short ones. It was greeted by a cough and the creaking of the dark wood door as it slowly swung open, howling like a creature in pain.
8

Author notes

OK first, i know the title is lame. im guna change it soon!! this is very difficult to write. if anyone ever says fantasy stories are easy to write, DONT BELIEVE THEM!! this is the most difficult thing i have ever had to write. but i quite like it :)

urm i need feedback on this please. if you didnt like it, please tell me! if you did, even better!!

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • western morning
    September 3, 2006
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    this happened, then that happened, then this happened...

    And then after the first paragraph it got really good.
    Im gonna go and look if you wrote any more of it yet....


  • bigcountry
    May 27, 2006

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    this is great. you left me with suspense and the mystery of what part the ammulet may/may not play, and the brothers. i cannot wait to read more.


  • Trenchmouth silver member
    May 21, 2006

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    YAY!

    i remember you letting me read parts to this like...aaaaages ago! it's really awesome! hurry up and post more damn you!
    s and s
    Kami

  • Twisted--Rose
    May 21, 2006

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    yeeeey!! this is really gud!
    very descriptive, with the garden part.

    More i say more [grrrr]

    hehe.. love lily xXx

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.

  • myusername
    May 20, 2006

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    it sounds like a good start...and i agree with you that fantasy is very hard to write....you've got a few grammer mistakes and stuff in here, but those are easily fixed
    keep writing

    overall: 6.


  • Rebel Rebel silver member
    May 20, 2006

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    Sword play is good for me.

    I like fantasy. I like period pieces. This is a good start. Interesting. I would be willing to read more. It was a hard sentence to read about him pulling his tie from his hair.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, overall: 6, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

1 - 6 of 6