"I love this heart" he said, holding my chart in his hand, pointing to the latest echo results."
"Had no clue how well you would respond to that regimen of medication.
" That combination of drugs was so new, but, look at you now, you'll be here till you're 83!" he positively beamed,his face very reminiscent of Stephen King on a book jacket. 1
"Your EF is great, BP, too."..Looks
like you've changed a few things, since the last visit. Just keep doing what you're doing and I won't see you until next year. So, exactly what have
you been doing? Want to make some notes, "2
The last visit hadn't been as good. He had warned me to make those
changes. He'd said I was in need of some serious R & R.
I had taken him up on his word...
Sailing off Galveston Bay, photographing everything and everyone
in sight,3
Searching for all those answers to the puzzle of who I really am.
Getting better acquainted w/my half sisters, neices and nephews in
East Texas. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins I hadn't even known existed I've
met and gotten to know. The first family reunion, so many people told me how much I look just like my cousin _________...
They would stare, and then apologize, then stare some more. 4
The second reunion, we laughed about those first tentative moments..
You don't know how good it feels to hear someone related to you talk with the same inflection, the same pace, have the same laugh.5
You really feel as if you belong when you see who you resemble. I most resemble my Seneca greatgrandmother. I have her eyes, her nose, her mouth. She was either calm and gentle or fiery and feisty depending on who you talked to. She was also very intuitive. Psychic and sensative to many things from the other realm. She knew herbs
and home remedies. She was confident and competant..though soft spoken unless you riled her or disobeyed. She had eyes in the back of
her head and her children and grand children were always caught in the act, though she was 3 rooms away. If she said stop ...you stopped.
If you started back doing any forbidden thing...she would say "Boy (or
Girl) I told you to stop..so then you stopped for good.6
I learned to trust my instincts(even when they seem wrong, there is something right about them.) 7
I learned to stop when I am tired, keep going when I'm not. I learned to follow myself and no-one else's lead. I learned not to register any one-
else's opinion. I listen politely, keep what feels true and discard the rest. 8
I learned to listen more, judge less.9
As I've researched my Native American Heritage, Cherokee, Choctaw and Seneca, I begin to see how much of my life went against the true nature of their passions. I am still making changes. Still improving
both health and emotions. The artist in me has come alive.
This Spirit-Danser is both earthy and etheral. Part real flesh and bone, part Apparition. She loves passionately from the heart, she keeps me
dead on. She helps separate the chaff from the wheat. 10
Mostly I have learned to trust my heart, trust myself.11
I read when the heart nears failure, that one has 10 years to live. If so, I have 5 remaining. I hope
to reach 83, but I plan to live as if I have only 5.12
Author notes
Have heart damage due to viral myocarditis as a child. My life expectancy was only to my 30's. When my heart did begin to weaken..they tried a fairly new regimen of medications. The meds themselves weren't new, it was their combination. They found by accident, the triad of pills strengthened the heart most when used together. Had a surgery last year, and while the knee healed..the heart was slow to recover.. due to the anesthesia, they think..and I have asthma..and had some temporary respiratory probs at that time. I had to get rid of the stress so I made a lot of changes.
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