The Voices

They say I’m crazy. With all the stitches in my arms, and the voices I hear at night. Lying by the padded walls of white, I cry out to the darkness. Eyes jittering back and forth from the shadows to the door, what’s going to happen next? Waiting for the soul to release me, to bring the syringe filled with the toxicating madness. Dreams will finally come. Dreams hidden beneath the nightmares of me running away. What brought me here? The warriors in white cloaks? Sneak the keys under the tongue. Unlock the doors stepping barefoot to the cold hallway. My only way out is now, here. Voices directing me how to get out. Inside my head a beautiful map is portrayed. Out in the open moonlight shines down onto my body, but alas it is not the moon. The warriors have returned to claim my soul. Dragging me back into the room of padded white. Jacket twisting my arms in contorting ways as the syringe seeps into the skin, releasing the toxin to my brain. No longer able to think or to act on my own. Clicks lock and now there is no escape for me. Scream and scream all you wish. The voices control my words. Pleas and begs of mercy come forth. Stitches once again opened up. Blood trickling down the newly open wounds. By morning when the warriors in white jackets return for her they see pools of blood. Dripping still from her already dried up wrists. Drip… Drip… Sounds echo throughout the room. Voices come from every direction possessing the warriors. Sending them screaming down the cold floored hallways. Doctors from a higher level secure them tightly within a cell of their own. In their minds a map portrays for their new escape to leave the asylum of the wicked. Soon the world will be theirs again.1

Author notes

Just off the top of my head. Kinda odd no? Sorry that it is VERY short. Hope you guys like it.

This sucked didn't it?

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Comments


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    June 12, 2006

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    I don't think it sucked

    I thought it was pretty good... but maybe that's because I've always enjoyed reading dark and mysterious things. I love the descriptions you put into this.. I felt like I was there with you.
    Good job Despite that it's odd, and short, I still like it. *nod*

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.

  • ckwriter69
    May 20, 2006
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    Has possibilities

    You have brought this story out from the point of veiw of a mad person and have given us her random thoughts. Which is fine but where is this taking us? Your story does have possibilities but what you have here needs to be built upon. Let us know parts of this persons past so we know why this person is where they are now. Is there a plan of escape or is she just dreaming it? Stories should have a beginning and an ending. This almost reads as a converted poem with many choppy and incomplete sentences. I was reading along fine until I got to the sentence that started "By morning". I wasn't sure if we had all of sudden switched from the insane persons point of view to someone elses here? If we did change then this needs to start a new paragraph. You do have some good visual images and some interesting thoughts rambling in her mind. I wouldn't give up on this but make the people in your story come alive so we can actually see them and be a part of them. Write in full sentences and you may have something here. Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your endeavors

    beginning: 1, language: 2, plot: 3, overall: 3, ending: 1, dialog: 2, characters: 3.