Vivid confusion

He pushed his ebony hair from his face and stared up at the moon, a dependent silhouette against a black canvas. A broken heart with a toothless smile, grins down on the lonely corners of the abstract art called night. Those were tears that fed the ground and from sorrow came life. There was no life around him, Ash noted, as he felt the familiar loneliness dig through his insides, churning up mixed emotions he did not want to encounter again.
Ash felt his knees weaken slightly and he slid down at the base of the tree, trying to ease his memories and hold them back. The memories were overbearing and Ash fought to drive them back so he would not have to live them again. They were too strong this time. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to cover the pain up with a façade and sat up a bit straighter.
“Hey there cutie ^_~” Thor appeared on the deck and advanced toward him. Opening a wary amethyst eye, Ash sighed in slight annoyance.
“I’m not in the mood werewolf, leave me alone and go harass someone else…” Ash mumbled, resuming his resting position and waited to hear Thor’s footsteps heading back to the apartment. The werewolf ignored the hint and sat down beside him. The dream of restful sleep seemed to be getting dimmer and dimmer. Ash ignored his own annoyance at Thor’s presence and felt himself slowly drift off to sleep. Catching onto the odd comfort of no longer being alone, Ash felt sleep take him captive.
Dreaming empty dreams over false speeches and decaying images, Ash felt it safer a wake most of the time. His mind sat in a moribund position leaving it without a poke or pull. Whether that confusion confronts is never a real problem. Shifting in his restless sleep, Ash rested his head against Thor’s shoulder. The werewolf gave an amused smirk at the innocence of his friend.
Thor gazed down at the sleeping mixed blood. He could feel the darkness and the light clashing in the mixed breed’s veins. Constantly at war with each other, but not faltering with each blow. Half light youkai, or demon, and half vampire, lost soul of the dark. Thor wondered if the mixed blood had a craving for blood from his father’s side of the family but he decided to leave that thought alone… for now.
Moving a stray strand of Ash’s hair from his face, he noted the turmoil there. Always so calm and with such a chilled personality behind that smile. Half the time, Thor wondered if the smile was forced like a smile for a school picture or was the mixed breed truly happy. Strange enough, Ash was better looking when he was asleep and not always looking ready to strangle him at any given moment. Then again, many people react the same way to some of the things he says. Not perverted…just honest.
“Ash…?” Slipping and arm around his waist, Thor felt him shift against him.
“… mhm…?” Still very much asleep, Ash sighed and buried his face into the front of Thor’s shirt, seeking that rare comfort called warmth and protection. Amused, Thor ran a hand down the length of his back. Taking advantage of the teen’s sleeping yet talking state, Thor relaxed against the tree.
“Why are you alone…?” Leaning his head back against the tree, Thor looked up at the night sky. The warmth of the sleeping teen beside him was welcome to Thor as he closed his vivid green eyes.
“…I wasn’t always... alone…” Ash mumbled against him, still lost in his sleep-state.
“What happened…?” Running his fingers down Ash’s back, Thor continued to listen to him while starting to drift to sleep himself.
“… She cheated on me… and used me from the beginning… Rachel…” Moving his arms around Thor’s waist, Ash shifted slightly against him once again. Moving his own arms around the sleeping teen, Thor moved him onto his lap and once against felt him seek comfort against him.
“So your girlfriend used you…?” Thor murmured, running his finger through the rich ebony-hair, fond of its softness and the way the color appeared darker then black.
“… For my best friend…” Ash lapsed into silence and Thor allowed him to. Soon, he fell asleep as well. 1

Ash woke up the next day and blinked away the sleep from his eyes. A few mare seconds passed before he realized that he was lying on Thor’s lap and was resting his head against his chest.
‘?? What the hell? How’d that happen?’ Ash made a move to get off of him but noted Thor’s arms around his waist in a strong embrace. Tilting his head to look up at him, Ash noted that the werewolf was fast asleep.
“Damnit all to hell…” Ash mumbled quietly and tried to get Thor to let go of him. Thor stirred slightly and rolled over on top of Ash. Muttering vulgarities toward all of this, Ash tried to move but found that he couldn’t. That, and he realized that Thor had found his hand too far down for comfort. Cheeks burning with slight embarrassing, Ash fought to regain his composure and to attempt at thinking of something to get himself out of his predicament.
‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!!!’ Ash thought bitterly and sent the sleeping werewolf a glare.
All he wanted to do was get out of Thor’s embrace and hit him over the head for coming onto him. But half of him didn’t want to move at all- Ash cursed at himself for that certain thought and moved to get up again. Tensing up, he felt Thor move his hand between his legs.
‘Oh bloody fuck you have got to be kidding me…’
Thor stirred slightly and buried his head into the front of Ash’s shirt. Ash remained uncomfortably rigid and began plotting against the sleeping werewolf.
Waking up, Thor yawned and tilted his head to look up at him. Noting how red he was, he smirked.
“What’s wrong w/ you ^^” Amused at the blushing teen, he continued to look up at him.
“… Move your hand…” Ash mumbled, sending his a sharp look. Realization dawned on Thor and he moved his hands to either side of Ash.
“^^;; Sorry ‘bout that…” Getting up, Thor sat down beside him and watched Ash sit up as well and fight to regain some composure. Snickering, Thor slipped his arms around his waist. He felt Ash tense up slightly as he kissed the side of his neck.
“Oh calm down…” Thor murmured, keeping his arms around his waist. Ash silently cursed again and glared back at him.
“Let me go.” He snapped, and moved to get away from him.
“Not until you calm down-” Ash grabbed a dagger from his belt and held it at Thor’s throat. The cool metal glinted off the sun as he held in it a death grip.
“I’m not gunna tell you again, werewolf, let me go.” Ash snapped, and moved his eyes from his dagger to Thor’s face. He caught the hurt hidden in his eyes and Ash felt himself relax slightly.
“So you’re really going to kill someone just because you’re afraid of being with them…?” Thor murmured, keeping his eyes locked on Ash’s. Amethyst eyes softened slightly and Thor heard him sigh slightly. Sheathing the dagger back on his belt, Ash peered up at him.
“I wasn’t going to kill you and I don’t want to fall for something like you…” He muttered under his breath and shifted slightly.
“The way I care about you is different to how I feel about any one else, Ash.” Thor let go of him and stood up easily. Dark red locks of hair drifted off of his shoulders with a light breeze that had picked up.
“I can’t believe you…” Ash stared up at him in slight confusion but his remark was backhanded by a dead silence. He could tell Thor was hurt, which confused him enough, let alone Thor actually caring for him.
“Then stay lonely… Maybe if you’d let go of the thing with Rachel then you wouldn’t be…” Thor turned to leave as Ash stood up.
“How do you know about her??” Ash ran a hand through his hair, staring at the back of his head and wondering if he would turn around or ignore him.
“I have better conversations with you when you are asleep.” With the remark left hanging in the air, Thor turned and walked passed him and into the woods. Ash turned and watched his departure.
If he didn’t care for Thor then why was it that what he said sliced right through him? An apology was cutting his lips trying to force their way passed him but Ash fought to drive them back. He didn’t need to apologize and he definitely wasn’t hurt by what he said. Did he really miss him? That idiot who seriously needs to get his hormones checked and possibly neutered?? You have got to be kidding.
Ash headed into the woods and walked passed tree after tree but without any site of the werewolf. 2

: Thor’s Point..Of..View..:

The trees caught the darkness in their webs and spat them back out at me as I sauntered down the dirt path. I thought back to what happened with mixed emotions but blocked them out as usual. This is why I live the way I do. So I won’t be hurt and abandoned but it always seems to come back to me from behind. And here I am, without any weapons to fight it off this time.
“Well well… haven’t seen you in a while, little brother.” Thor mentally cringed at the familiar voice and allowed his eyes to trace back to the direction of where the voice had come from. There he was.
His charcoal-black hair draped over his shoulders and down his back. Violet eyes watched my every move as I stopped in the center of the clearing. The uneasy atmosphere suffocated me but I fought back my own fear and stared at him.
“Yeah…” I heard myself speak without fully recognizing that I had answered him. He sent me a knowing smirk and shoved off the decaying tree he was leaning against. His pale skin brought out his eyes allowing them to have the power of boring into mine.
“What? No hello? No how are you? I would expect such manners from a traitor… then again what’s this I hear about you leaving the werewolf nation…?” His fast stride got him in front of me in a matter of seconds but I stood my ground.
“I had no place there so I left…” Why was I blessed with such a bastard for a brother? Hell, I wasn’t blessed with anything.
“You were always such a coward. Always crying and never able to stand up for anything… and when you are finally given an important mission you blow it off. You are pathetic and a poor excuse for a brother…” His sharp violet eyes flashed with enmity and I winced at the venom in his voice.
He made a move to hit me but I dodged it.
“I don’t want to fight you, Sage…” My only response from him was a sneer.
“Don’t worry, this time I may just end your pathetic excuse for a life.” Sage grabbed a fist full of my hair and kicked my feet out from under me. On my knees, I winced as he yanked back on my hair, forcing me to look up at him. Unsheathing my sword, I made a move to stab him but he was already onto that. Kicking me in the ribs, I coughed up blood and dropped my sword onto the ground.
“This may be more fun than expected, little brother…” Sage sneered at his words and sent another sharp kick to my ribs, satisfied when he heard something crack. Hissing in pain, I moved to get up and out of harm’s way.
“Oh no you don’t…” He grabbed my arm and twisted it behind me. A searing pain shot through me and I fought myself to stop from crying out in pain like I knew he wanted me to do. Taking out his own intricate sword, I winced in pain as he made a slash on my already scarred back.
Yanking my arm free, I stumbled to my feet and glared at him. Whatever he had cracked earlier caused another burning pain to shoot up my side.
Shoving my against a tree, he held his sword in one hand and my throat in the other. Stabbing his sword through me, he forced it into the tree, pinning me there. Coughing up blood, I felt the world around me sway and tilt.
“Always so pathetic…” I heard him murmur. Slipping a hand into my back pocket, I quickly took out a small dagger and stabbed it into his shoulder. He let go of me and took a step back. Without wincing, he yanked it out of his shoulder and tossed it across the clearing. It landed at Ash’s feet.

: Ash’s POV:3

From what I stumbled upon, I knew it was better to ask later. Picking up the dagger thrown at my feet I turned it in my hands. The taller werewolf narrowed his violet eyes in my direction.
“Might I ask what the hell you think you’re doing…?” I snapped and dropped the dagger to the ground, glaring at him.
“Mind your own business half breed.” He snapped and his eyes darkened slightly.
“I believe it is, so why not leave now and let him go before I force you to..?” Unsheathing my own sword, I advanced forward. I didn’t think it was possible but he managed to change his already dark look to appear a bit more threatening. I ignored it with a glare of my own.
“Simple little threats, half breed. Don’t bother yourself by interfering- you won’t stay breathing for very long.” He yanked his sword from Thor’s gut and I watched him fall to the ground.
“Try me.” Our swords clashed. Black steel clashing with shining silver, His own intensity only served to amuse me and I smirked, which provoked him. Taking out another sword, he swung it towards my neck. I blocked his attack and dodged his second one. I could feel his annoyance toward me and he quickened his step. My own speed matched his and I barely missed his sword.
“Give up.” He snapped and tripped me. Rolling out of the way, I watched his sword go through the ground where my head was, sending up a shower of dirt and stone.
“You’re the one who’s looking tired.” Stabbing him in the side, I dodged his sword once again.
“You have no idea what you are dealing with, little boy.” He snapped and stabbed me in the arm, sheathing one of his swords, he made a move to grab me by my throat but I moved out of the way just in time.
Kicking his legs out from under him, he fell to the ground and I shoved my sword through his gut and into the solid ground. Quickly, I kneeled in front of Thor who was growing paler then he already was. Resting my hands on the wound in his gut, I closed my eyes and began the incantation. Slowly, I felt him heal beneath my hands in return for myself feeling a bit drained. Casting a quick glance back at Sage, I saw that he had gripped the sword by its blade and was currently pulling my sword from his gut. Turning back to Thor, I helped him stand.
“Ash…?” Confusion masked his wary voice and he closed his eyes.
“We’ll talk later, can you stand on your own…?” Somewhat worried, I kept my arm around him.
He moved toward a tree and leaned against it. Turning around, I watched Sage stand up, bleeding heavily.
“We will finish this, half breed.” He transformed into his wolf form. His black coat shone dangerously like black fire wavering in the dead wind. Taking off through the woods I turned back to Thor.
Thor leaned against the tree heavily, his normal enthusiastic green eyes were dull and he had yet to regain some of his color back into his face. Overall he looked hurt and confused. Catching me staring at him, he lifted his head and caught me.
“… I still don’t understand why you did that…” Even his voice seemed tired but that could be blamed on the loss of the blood the werewolf suffered from.
“Did what? Save your butt?” I sent him a teasing half-smile and walked over to him. Thor slid down to the base of the tree and rested his head back. I sat down beside him, rusting up the leaves that were disturbed in the events prior.
“You put yourself in danger because of me…” He murmured, tilting his head to watch me for my reaction. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to figure the reason behind my actions myself. I only received more internal confusion that resembled a royal bitch slap to the face leaving me red and raw.
“I wouldn’t just leave you to be murdered either.” I remarked dodging the real question he was trying to ask me.
“But why…?” His gaze showed how pitifully confused he was and his eyes were clouded. Silence followed this as I tried to sort out my cross-eyed thoughts but only came to one solution that still left me empty. Did I really care for him…? I can’t honesty say that I did because then everything I stood for would be shut down. I just couldn’t leave myself open again.
“Don’t lie to me, Ash…” Thor saw right through me and I hated it.
“Who said anything about lying to you??” Bringing my knees up slightly, I draped my arms over my knees and stared back at him.
“I’m not stupid ^_~ half deprived of normal blood supply but not entirely stupid.” I sent him a dull look and sighed.
“I don’t know…” I rested my head back against the tree and looked up toward the sky.
“Yeah you do ^^ if can’t tell me then just show me- although if you’re planning on expressing your hate towards me I’d appreciate it if you just stuck with the whole ‘I don’t know’ statement ^^;;” I snickered and turned my head to look at him.
Why did I save him? Why did I even go after him? If I didn’t care for him then I would have gone back inside but is that the real reason? Him?? This is Thor we’re talking about here. The perverted moron who has way too much to say at all the wrong possible moments. The werewolf was really really good looking in that shirt and although he says the worst things, they make you laugh…and what was all that about?? Oh my god! I can’t possibly like him can I? I think I can. Fuck what is wrong with me?? Just go with it why am I having such a hard time with this? Just…
I moved my hand off of my knee and shifted over slightly. Resting my hand against his soft cheek I leaned over slightly. Half unsure of what was either wrong with me or what I was doing, I mentally cursed for the umpteenth time, which probably made my record and pressed my lips against his.
I both hated the moment and loved it all at the same time. This did wonders for my building headache. The feeling of Thor moving his arms around my waist soon deafened my own obscure thoughts and washed them away, leaving no room for doubt. A feeling of warmth I haven’t felt in a long time began to rebuild like a fire. Shallow flames soon rekindled, large enough to create a forest fire.
His tongue soon invaded my mouth, exploring every corner of my mouth and back again for a second check. How did me ‘expressing’ how I felt evolve into a full make-out session…? Whatever the case, I didn’t have any working brain cells at the current moment to move let alone keep track of breathing. Breathing?
I moved my head back, catching my breath and caught the amusement on his face.
“I was wondering how long you’d go before you remembered that you needed to breath ^^;; “I sent him a dull look that soon formed into an amused smile.
A few mere hours ago, I was cursing this guy’s very existence, and now I had fallen at his feet with a powerful hunger that just recently awoken. From where my eyes traveled, I noted how pitifully deprived I had been and what I kept myself from. Rich red hair, the color of wine, was disheveled and hung slightly below the base of his neck. His face itself matched the creamy hue of the moon surrounded by dozens of stars. Bright green eyes shone with amusement as they returned my gaze. My thoughts took flight for I found myself day dreaming about how amazing he’d look without that shirt in the way. Mentally kicking myself, I came back to reality.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I have to go-” My words ended before I was ready to as he pulled me closer. Resting my hands on top of his chest to stop from crashing into him, I caught the look he was giving me.
“How do you do that…?” His voice was drained of amusement and his eyes held nothing but seriousness and waited for honesty.
“…? Do what?” Thor had moved his hands on my upper arms and I felt his grip tighten slightly but enough to be painful.
“You know what- kissing me and then apologizing. If you’re gunna kiss someone, then you’re not supposed to fucking take it back.” All amusement aside I noted that maybe he did have a touch of his older brother.
“Because as a reality check, I realized what I was doing and I just can’t-” His look silenced me and I mentally cursed.
“Bull shit- you want to and you know it.”
“How the hell would you know what I want??” I snapped and narrowed my eyes, annoyed where this conversation was going.
“You don’t want to be lonely I can tell that much and maybe if you weren’t so bi-polar with your emotions then you wouldn’t be. And you probably can’t accept that ‘someone like me’ cares about you- you are so damn selfish and ignorant to other people- how can you do that?? Kiss me, take it back, and still have room to hate me? What the hell is wrong with you??”
Behind the sharp look he sent me I could still trace the pain and confusion there and I felt guilty.
“Nothing is wrong with me…” I murmured and looked past him, trying to sort out my thoughts. Fear was still present and I didn’t want to leave myself open again. Not again.
“Let me go…” My voice sounded strange to my ears and I felt his hands leave my arms and drop down to his sides, defeated. God, I just felt horrible and worse then I did before. Standing up, I headed off deeper into the woods, unsure where I was going but longing to just run away from all of this.

: Thors Pov: 4

He was confused at his own actions and what he did. I could see that through what he said, but it annoyed me to no end. It toyed with my own emotions, and whether he realized it or not he was hurting me each and every time he opened his mouth.
It was almost like he wanted to say something but held himself back and choosing to run was he next best option. Sighing, I stood up and ran a hand through my hair. I could still taste him on my tongue and I muttered a curse under my breath.
My life was simple, flirted with people to get attention and left- no harm done on either side. Then he comes along and everything becomes disheveled and out of place to the point where Picasso would look at it, faint, and then complain about how his eyes were starting to gush blood. Sighing with annoyance, I headed in the direction where he went and didn’t take me long to find him.
The mixed breed sat beside a shallow stream cutting through the clearing with his knees half way up toward his chest. His arms were draped across his thighs and his eyes were closed. I was only going to try this one more time.
Stepping over a fallen branch, I took a seat beside him.
“You’re not the only one who was left, you know…” I murmured quietly and looked into his face. He warily opened his amethyst eyes and looked over at me. Glad that I caught his attention, I continued.
“My parents abandoned my brothers and I when I was younger. My older brothers were supposed to have taken care of me but they didn’t. Instead I was abused and half starved when I was taken from them to live with my grandfather… you at least have a family that loves you and that you can find comfort from. Only thing I get are more scars and bruises as you probably saw earlier… I’m just the way I am to be at least noticed but I guess the way I am never really appealed to anyone accept towards the wrong kind of people… I can’t change either…”
Ash watched me and I could sense some of his pity toward me but I brushed it off. He shifted over slightly and rested his hand on my shoulder.
“… I’m sorry…” I heard him murmur as he looked up at me.
“Don’t be…” was my response and glanced into the stream.
“For what I did earlier too… I’m sorry- I just…” Ash trailed off and appeared to be lost in his own words.
“Why did you go after me earlier…?” Running a hand through his hair, I returned his look. Hoping for some sort of response, I grew uneasy with his silent answer.
“… I care about you and I really like you…I was just nervous about leaving myself open again…especially with someone who flirts with everyone and acts like he doesn’t care about who he sleeps with…”
I shifted over slightly, slipped my arms around his waist and leaned against a boulder neighboring the stream. I closed my eyes and I felt him rest back against me.
“I’m not a whore, Ash.” I muttered matter-of-factly and heard him snicker.
“I didn’t mean to call you that ^^;;” I felt him tilt his head to probably glance up at me.
“But, yeah… I’m sorry for everything…” He murmured quietly.
“Don’t beat yourself up over it…” Was my million-dollar response and hugged him a bit tighter.
We sat in an understanding silence as we mentally went over today’s events. Ash’s eyes were half open, as if not exactly here, but in another world all together. He was a melting turmoil and I felt if I didn’t hold him tight enough he would leak through my hands and into the lazy stream. The stream would only take advantage of him, seeing him as a smaller body of water without any sense of direction. He would break apart into tears where no happiness could quench its thirst upon. Ash was confusing in the worst ways but I wanted him despite that. Under layers of secrecy I could see right through him at different angles and wanted to know and understand.
Like a child wanting to read a novel but without knowing the alphabet, it was an insane goal and a far-fetched dream then I wished to grasp tightly, no matter what the consequences were.
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